The Gang Gets Invincible

There's no way a mouse could kill a scorpion. Dude, a mouse could kill... It's got sharp claws and teeth. A rat could kill a scorpion. No shit, Frank, but we're not talking about a rat.

Shut up! Shut up! Oh, my God! I don't care! All we're doing is arguing about the most stupid shit

It's goddamn bright out here. It's so bright. I can't use my eyes. There's people playing football right next to us. Like there's no room to drink.

Oh! Was that the one where the guy from... the New Kids on the Block makes it onto the Eagles? I saw that.

No, no, no, no, no. You... You... You're a woman. Women can't do things like this. You'll get hurt.

Yeah. Like, uh, cooking and... Complaining to your friends about your boyfriends. Yeah. Playing... Playing at ballet. Cleaning. Displaying cars at auto shows in tiny bikinis.

Well, in high school, Charlie was like our school mascot. A mascot nobody wanted. He'd get wasted and dress in this green spandex bodysuit.

Green Man was good. It got me through some hard times. But I'm done with it.

Are you planning on getting yourself locked in the bathroom of your cousin's Winnebago for three days? Shut up about that. I survived on hand soap and toilet water for three days. The memory haunts me.

I've seen a lot of people wearing capes. There are, like, 15 guys wearing capes. Why would you wear a cape? What advantage does that give you? Absolutely none.

You done pissing yet? No. No. I haven't even started pissing because you're standing next to me, you're talking to me. It's making me nervous, and I can't do my thing.

Want to drop some acid with me? What? You're dropping acid? Mmm. Woodstock, baby.

No. You messed up. It's too high. It doesn't look right on you. Too high? No, I'm good at it, dude. I did a good job on you. That's 'cause I have good cheekbones.

What the hell is this? How's it hangin'? This is a joke, right? You think anyone's gonna buy that?

Dee, the second any part of your body touches that field, it's gonna shatter like glass. You got bones like glass. You spent half your life in a back brace. Your body's, like, 90% scoliosis, Dee.

You think you dipshits are gonna play on the same field that champions play on? Where are we going? We're going to a shitty high school in Bucks County.

Stay here and look at the Linc? Like a couple of dicks in a yard?

I like your mustache. Oh. Thank you. Hmm. I can't grow one. Okay. That's a pretty sweet cape. Thank you. My mom made it. Hmm. She did a very good job. Yeah. She's talented.

When I'm done with this tryout you'll go back to your sad, pitiful life and I'll be on the Eagles. And everybody in Philadelphia will know the name McPoyle.

The unibrow. Yeah. The eczema. The acne. He's definitely a McPoyle. There are so many of those people.

Classic mistake, Frank. You're making a classic mistake, bro. Just shut up and sit in your stupid chair. It's your funeral, buddy.

The McPoyle brothers. Hello, Charles. What the hell are you guys doing here? We came to support our brother Doyle. He's gonna make the Eagles.

What is that a jar of? Pig parts. How many can there possibly be? Oh, good to see her again. Good. She doesn't know what I'm saying, right?

They've got thin corneas. What is that? A fife? You brought your little flute.

We're doing these tryouts for you because of your harassment and your love for the New Kids on the Block movie.

Donovan McNabb. Hey, guys. I'm Donovan McNabb. Uh, I play quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles. And I'm here to tell you that you can, too if you start every day with a hearty breakfast from McDonald's.

Hey, guys. I'm Donovan McNabb. And I'm here to tell you that you can, too... if you start every day with a hearty breakfast from McDonald's.

That was not Donovan McNabb! That was not Donovan McNabb! Yes, it was. It was like a McDonald's plug. Was that the guy from The Cosby Show? That's not the guy from... Yeah. He was married to Sondra. Alvin. Alvin.

I did not take any acid. Remember? Oh, yeah, you did. What are you talking about? I put a shitload of it in your beer. What? Yeah. Is that what all those little pieces of paper were floating... I drank all that shit, dude!

That's okay. There was, like, a ton of acid in there! Yeah. Why would you do that? I don't want to be the only one tripping.

Oh, no, he didn't! Oh, no, he didn't! That's my dance. That's my signature dance. Yeah. I'm gonna do that when I tackle people.

Ah. Uh, hitting's not really my thing, Coach. Spoken like a true champion. You just might make the team. Awesome. Really? Jesus Christ.

Oh! Crap! I'm starting to feel weird. What the hell? Oh, no. Not again. Oh, no! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Somebody get me outta here!

What is going on with his head? It's too small or tight or something. Yeah, that's it. His skin's too tight. My skin's not tight.

What is going on with his head? It's too small or tight or something. Yeah, that's it. His skin's too tight.

My form is perfect. I'm like Jerry Rice. Feel that stride. So fluid and fast. I've got the stride of a gazelle. A beautiful, beautiful gazelle person.

All right, Dee. You can do this. You can kick a football. You're better at sports than Mac and Dennis.

No. No. Those storklike legs... they act like pendulums. And on the bottoms of those pendulums, feet like wrecking balls.

I'm Artemis. I'm Dee's friend. I'm trapped. I know. But I can help. Crawl into my mouth.

You know why? Because you are the Green Man. Green Man is saving your life right now, bro. Just go with the flow.

How'd you get in here? What are you talking about? I've been stuck in this bathroom for three hours. I think he took a dump in there.

Lizard, am I standing in poop? I'm about to demonstrate to all of you my natural abilities as a punter.

Oh! Oh, I broke it. Oh, it may be broken. Oh, sweet Jesus, I think I broke it.

So your bones are made out of glass. Yes! Nice. No, my bones aren't... Know what? It doesn't matter, because I made the furthest, so I win.

Holy shit. This thing is loaded. My leg! Doyle, are you okay? My leg! Somebody shot my leg! No!

Oh, that's not good. That's not good. No. That could come back and bite us in the ass. That's not a good thing.