Frank Reynolds' Little Beauties

Son of a bitch!

Guys, guys, guys.

Oh.

Are you okay?

Oh!

I think you broke your nose.

Frank:Oh, strange man, titty bar.

Frank:Because you make a lot of cash, and you ogle some broads.

Oh! Looks like somebody forgot their swimsuit.

Frank:That's the problem.

How would you win pageants? Did you have a different face?

Mac:No, she was a dog back then, too.

Charlie:In other countries, okay, women that can't show their ankles, right? They got to be in those big, black tarps or whatever. In America, we can show toddlers in tiny bikinis

Mac:We can do whatever we want with our kids. And that's what America is all about.

U.S.A. U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.!

Frank:I am not gonna diddle your kids. I'm not like that. That's not my thing. I met that guy in a titty bar.

Frank:Do I look suspicious?

Dee:You look grotesque.

Charlie:We got to definitely write a song about how we do not diddle kids.

Mac:There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it.

Charlie:But there's a guy. Uh, uh, there's a fat guy. Well, his face is busted to bits, and he... he's in charge. Real jacked up face and fat.

Dee:Yeah, those mothers just left their kids here in a bar with complete strangers in a pageant that's under investigation. They're terrible parents.

Dee:I see amateurs, I see trash, little pieces of trash on my stage. You guys are dummies.

Dee:Samantha gets to be mean because Samantha is a star, okay? Maybe one day you'll be a star, but right now you're not. You're junk.

Dee:You belong in the bathroom. Go!

Samantha:You're ugly.

Dee:You don't-- that's not something you say. You're mean. You're the meanest girl in the world.

Dee:All hair is technically dead, you stupid idiot smarty-pants stupid, stupid idiot.

Terrible breath. Wheezing.

Charlie:This is what America is about, okay, being able to eat at any rate you want to eat.

Charlie:Your mom doesn't know dick. She's a dumb, fat cow, and your sister-- she is a stupid little shit-mouthed bitch, isn't she?

Charlie:I know, but it's not what you care about, it's what I care about.

Frank:I had it done at a funeral home. Where in the hell am I going to go-- to the goddamn makeup counter at Macy's? You go to a funeral home to get gruesome repairs.

Dee:You look like you're at your own wake.

Frank:Go into the toilet and run your mouth under the sink.

Frank:I figure he's a cretin. Why would I have a cretin like that near me if I have something to hide?

Frank:Which one of these talented, uh, entertainers, who I am not attracted to at all, will be the winner? I'm not attracted to any of them, none of them.

Justine:A big, humungous pain in my Vagina...

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall. The only thing we have to fear is... fear itself.

Frank:You bang the dead bodies? I don't give a shit. If I was dead, you could bang me all you want. Who cares? Dead body's like a piece of trash.

Frank:Fill me up with cream. Make a stew out of my ass. What's the big deal? Bang me, eat me, grind me up into little pieces, throw me in the river.

Frank:That was a mistake. The janitor got a hold of the P.A. system. Puerto Rican guy.

Police Officer:Man's a diddler. Sick son of a bitch goes around all these kids pageants, pretends he's an inspector. We've been looking for him for a while.

Dennis:So, there's another unrelated diddler in the mix?

Dennis:So, there's another unrelated diddler in the mix?

Police Officer:It's like throwing a picnic at the beach and getting pissed when the seagulls show up.

Police Officer:I tell you, children's beauty pageants are an American tradition, but not a proud one.