Mac Day

Hey, buddy, do we have to be kneeling this entire time?

Yeah, this is not comfortable.

Mac:If anyone is caught complaining? An extra day is added to Mac Day. If you cannot resist the urge to complain, you are allowed one scream a day to the ceremonial screaming pillow.

Mac:Charlie, when it was your day, did I complain about searching for goblins for ten hours straight?

Charlie:Well, ghouls, and, no, they didn't complain, 'cause we found three. It was pretty sweet.

Dennis:We found none. Yeah? We found no ghouls, we found no goblins, we found no gremlins, because they don't exist.

Charlie:Well...

Mac:On the first day, God said, 'Let there be... Mac.'

Dee:Seven straight hours of lecturing? Yeah, and five hours alone dedicated to the evils of homosexuality... from him?

Charlie:Did anyone else notice that he had an erection the entire time?

Dennis:There we have what? Uh, the what...? What are you saying?

Mac:It's water. I'm saying 'water,' 'cause it said water, like, eight times. So, it's water.

Dennis:Water what?

Mac:Water and badass, badass and water.

Frank:Holy shit, there's two of them.

Mac:Well, I'm gonna jump from the Strawberry Mansion Bridge.

What?!

Holy shit! What do you mean, from it?

Mac:No, I'm not gonna jump. Of course I wouldn't jump. I draw it in later because it's like a post effect.

Mac:This is all sounding a little bit like a complaint from you guys. Who's complaining?!

Dennis:We don't know what's going on! We don't know you.

Mac:Evel Knievel didn't jump. Johnny Knoxville doesn't jump. Okay, this is big Hollywood stuff, okay?

Country Mac:actually jumps off the bridge and swims back up

Did someone just go plop?

Looked like it. Someone just jumped.

Mac:No, that's not really badass, guys. That's dangerous. Um, can we put him on our shoulders and parade him around like Rudy? I'm feeling that now. No, no, no, no, I don't think that's gonna work anymore.

Mac:You know, kind of a bullshit day, so we're gonna move on to day four

Mac:Okay, I'm gonna need you guys to go ahead and ignore everything that this clown is saying. God created the stars 5,000 years ago.

Country Mac:But there's herb.

Mac:Hmm?

Country Mac:Who wants to smoke a 'J'?

Country Mac:Who wants to smoke a 'J'?

Mac:Oh, shit. You brought weed? No, no, no, we're not smoking weed, okay? It's still illegal in the state of Pennsylvania.

Charlie:Puff, puff, pass, bitches.

Mac:No, no, no, we're not smoking weed, okay? It's still illegal in the state of Pennsylvania.

Mac:There's nothing badass about breaking the law, Charlie.

Mac:Because if you don't, God will make a flood or a famine, okay? He will destroy you with tornadoes and earthquakes and AIDS. Where do you think AIDS came from? Uh, hello, God's gift to the gays.

Country Mac:But what about sunsets? Oh... French kisses. Oh... The smell of rain. Yeah. That's why I believe in God. Yeah. Not because of the things that he takes away from us but because of the things that he gives to us.

Charlie:Shut up, science bitch.

Yeah.

Yeah, shut up, science bitch!

Dennis:All these years I've been feeling like I hate karate. And, like, I hate Project Badass and, like... I hate God. Yes. But, like... I realize... you know what I really hate... is Mac.

Dennis:Like, he's made all those cool things suck. Not only is he, like, ruining my life... but with all this God shit that he's into... he could be ruining my afterlife.

Dee:I thought that one was gonna... Let me try.

Mac:Okay, everybody grab some grease. Why? Because we're gonna grease up these beefcakes.

Dennis:No! No! Come on! No!

Charlie:Chicks?

Country Mac:No. Dudes. I'm into dudes.

Charlie:Oh... you're gay.

Country Mac:Loud and proud, brother. Loud and proud.

Country Mac:It's so much more comfortable when someone's gay and open about it.

And, like, I know we've never said this as a group, but... Mac's gay.

Yeah, Mac's gay.

He's gay.

He's gay.

Dennis:He's got the boner again.

Dee:Yeah.

Charlie:Yeah.

Dennis:Well, at least this time it makes sense, huh?

Mac:Um, not technically. Um, only because I haven't subscribed to one... discipline.

Dennis:But you are good enough to fight in a black belt tournament. 'Cause you're wearing a black belt. Of course.

Block, point, Mac!

Mac:Shit. Guys, did you see that? I got a point! I got a point!

Country Mac beats up Mac's opponent with a beer bottle while shirtless

Mac:I scored an actual point in an actual karate tournament and against an actual black belt.

Dennis:Country Mac beat the shit out of that guy with a beer and his T-shirt.

Country Mac:You bring a knife to a fight, you better be ready to use it, you jabroni. Just... don't come back here, you punks.

Country Mac:I gave him an ocular patdown. Assessed the threat level. Clocked a knife in his boot.

Mac:Guys, I may have had a little bit of an accident in my pants, so I think I got to change out of this gi.

Charlie:You made a poopy in your pants! Did anybody else do a poopoo in their pants? No. Of course not. This is our head of security!

Country Mac for Paddy's Mac.

We send Mac to the country, bring Country Mac here.

Yeah, to the bar.

That's not a bad idea.

Country Mac:It's not my style. I just go with the flow. Let the wind blow through my hair.

Country Mac crashes his motorcycle and dies

Mac:He wasn't the kind of guy that could score a point in a black belt karate contest. And it turns out, he was totally queer. Which, as we all know, is a sin.

Mac:So I will ask for a moment of silence, in which I will beg God's forgiveness for Country Mac's evil, homo ways, while simultaneously doing a series of karate moves that I know Country Mac would've enjoyed so much.

Mac:Well, guys, I think the real lesson here is that there's nothing badass about riding a motorcycle without a helmet. Right. Plus, he was drunk all the time. Yeah. You know what's badass? Being alive.

Mac:Actually, we won't. Because it's officially Frank Day, so...

Frank:All right, Pee Country Mac.