Flowers for Charlie

Mac:John McClane didn't go to college. He defeats the bad guys using street smarts, and I got street smarts.

Dennis:Mac, you do realize John McClane's a fictional character who's voicing lines written by screenwriters who almost certainly went to college.

Dee:Yeah, but Bruce Willis dropped out of college, and that supports Mac's argument.

Dennis:Uh, no it doesn't, Dee. And the fact that you can't understand that leads me to believe that you are complete and total dum-dum

Dennis:I noticed you said 'volunteering,' which implies a lack of compensation. Volunteering's for suckers.

Dennis:That's more like it. Okay, and listen, when it comes to intelligence, I think you'll find that I am your man. Or perhaps a man is not what you're looking for at all.

Mac:I'm afraid my friend Dennis confuses book learning with brainpower. But you and me, we know different, huh?

Dennis:Uh, 'you and I.' What? No, not you and I. Him and I, idiot.

Dee:In case I was being unclear, nerds, I will bang one or both of you.

Dennis:Dee, this man is smart enough to know to avoid a proposition like that from someone like you.

Scientist:To be clear, we're not looking for a subject with superior intelligence. In fact, the complete opposite would be, um, uh, preferable.

Charlie:I was gonna bash your rat and take care of your rat problem.

Scientist:His name's Armitage Shanks.

Charlie:Cheese, huh? Yeah, all right. Ow! Shit! What's your name, young man? It's Charlie. Hold up, dude, I want to get this cheese here. Aah! Shit!

Charlie:Ow! Shit!

Scientist:Why don't you try the cheese under the green light, Charlie?

Charlie:I want this cheese. Aah!

Scientist:Ladies and gentlemen, we have found our test subject.

Charlie:Well, I'm trying to learn Mandarin and listen to Beethoven at the same time. You see, I just realized that I have two ears, so it's a waste to only listen to one thing.

Frank:Let me guess this straight. You just realized that you have two ears?

Dennis:Charlie, come on, any idiot can listen to books on tape. You're only doing that because you can't read, all right?

Dennis:Whatever, you don't even know what the word placebo...

Charlie:Placebo means from the Latin 'placebo,' meaning 'I shall please.' I listened to a chapter on that this morning.

Mac:Such bullshit? Gonna say that? Dude, just because you're finishing our sentences, doesn't make you s-s-s... Intelligent.

Charlie:Good pleasantry, cute. How about no?

Charlie:Oh, and then I realized, Tang See, that these so-called friends of mine have been exploiting my labor for years.

An astute observation. Conforms with Marxist theories about the exploitation of the proletariat.

Charlie:175? Wow. You know. Probably, yeah. Now, I'm thinking if I were to double the dosage, I could break 200 easily.

Frank:But, Charlie, it's Gruesome Twosome Tuesday. We're the Gruesome Twosome.

Charlie:The sound effects won't help you. They don't further your argument in any way.

Frank:You speak Mandarin?

Charlie:Well, I do think I'm getting it a little bit.

Dennis:No, no, Mac, come on. We're smarter than that. That's just gonna spread rat blood and disease all over the place. It's not about brute force. It's about seduction.

Dennis:See, I'm gonna place some enticing tunes for the little guy. And then I'm gonna bait this glue trap with some Brie cheese.

♪ And I want you here with me ♪ ♪ From tonight until ♪ ♪ The end of time ♪

Dee:Ultrasonic rodent repellant. It emits a high-pitched sound that obliterates their teeny rat eardrums. Stupid rats.

Dee:Get it off me! Get it off, I'm st... I'm stuck to your glue! You guys!

Mac:You've trapped yourself on a trap that was designed for a rodent with a brain the size of a walnut.

Dennis:You've trapped yourself on a trap that was designed for a rodent with a brain the size of a walnut.

Mac:Now a normal-size woman would probably just be able to slide her hand right out, but with those giant man hands...

Dennis:Yeah, you really don't stand a chance, Dee.

Mac:Ooh, yes, maybe it'll nibble her hand down to a tiny, bloody stump, then she could just slide it right out.

Dennis:maybe this rat is a little bit smarter than we gave it credit for, Mac.

Charlie:All I'm saying is that Stephen Hawking is much more of a Lady Gaga than, you know, Johann Sebastian Bach. He-he's not, he's a pop culture figure like the Kardashians, you know?

Frank:The thing about the cripple.

Charlie:What cripple? Why are you speaking?

Frank:Stephen Hawking.

Charlie:Dear God, we were talking about that like ten minutes ago.

Charlie:Frank, I cannot go slower for you! I am thinking on the physical level, the metaphysical level, the pataphysical level. Every time you open your mouth, you drag me down into the mud

Dennis:Of course, only an idiot would just use gasoline willy-nilly.

Mac:Yeah, yeah, that's definitely... Let me double check because, you know, you're sense of smell has always been pretty stupid.

Mac:Yeah, yeah, that's definitely... Let me double check because, you know, you're sense of smell has always been pretty stupid.

Mac:All right, let's blast off. Engage thrusters, Captain.

Dennis:Oh, all right, well, ground control, I'll take some.

Mac:Holy shit.

Dennis:As long as we're blasting.

'I and you.' No, me and you, me, you, me, I. It was you and I? You and I... Me and you look dumb.

Mac:'I and you.' No, me and you, me, you, me, I. It was you and I? You and I...

Dennis:Me and you look dumb.

Mac:Dumb is a funny word.

Dennis:Dumb.

Charlie:Uh, well, I was just glancing at War and Peace, and let me tell you, I side with Shakespeare on brevity. 'Brevity is the soul of wit.'

Waitress:Frank paid me $500 to be here, and so I'm having dinner with you. Do you? 'Cause I don't. I didn't ask questions though.

Waitress:like, okay because my boss, like, at the restaurant, he, like, totally doesn't get me. I mean, he thinks that being a waitress is, like, what I am, and I'm like, 'That doesn't define me, dude, okay? Like, I'm saving up to open my own nail salon.'

Waitress:The Hand Whisperer or Finger Fantasy. And I've been watching Tabatha Takes Over a lot, because it's a show that takes place in salons.

Charlie:Finger Fantasy. Finger Fantasy. I've been watching this show called Tabatha Takes Over... Tabatha Takes Over, Tabatha Takes Over.

Mac:Yeah, see? The mouse always wins. There's... there's, like, no winning with mices. Cat keeps getting hurt. Well, it's dangerous, yeah.

Mac:Charlie is our foundation. Where does a foundation belong? Yes. On top.

Dennis:On the bottom.

Mac:Oh. On the bottom.

Dennis:We gotta go grab Charlie and drag him back down into the sewer where he belongs.

Mac:Did you try the gasoline, loosening it?

Dee:All over it. That didn't work, but you know what does work? Breathing it in.

Mac:Deandra, are you holding onto the trap?

Dee:No.

Mac:Oh, I don't... I don't know. Let go of the trap.

Dee:No...

Charlie:a simple thought so clear and sharp that it cut through his mind like a soft cheese and led him to an invention.

Charlie:But the good of the scorpion is not the good of the frog, yes?

Charlie:We have the means, the understanding, the technology... to allow spiders to talk with cats!

Scientist:The subject was perfectly ready to believe he had learned Mandarin in two days.

Charlie:...plus nine equals box. All right? That's where the cat goes.

Charlie:I believe I was having the 'plecebe' effect.

Dennis:Placebo.

Charlie:Pla-ce-bo.

Dee:You stupid science bitches couldn't even make my friends more smarter.

Charlie:Hey, you're right! Stupid science bitch couldn't even make I more smarter.

Charlie:Hey, you're right! Stupid science bitch couldn't even make I more smarter.