Harvest Festival

And it is possibly the best thing to potentially ever happen to anyone anywhere in the history of the Universe.

Sebastian was the number one boy's name in Pawnee. And the number three girl's name.

So what am I missing? What's the deal with the pony?

He's not a pony, man. He's a mini horse. There's a big difference.

Son, this horse has an honorary degree from Notre Dame.

We are both on the same diabetes medication. Are you my Glucotrol buddy? Are you? Huh?

Get out.

Well, there's a lot of people that don't consider salad a food.

God, I gotta stop ending on that boring thing. Clowns!

You're like a ninja crossed with a Jedi, or something. / You're like a nerd mixed with a dork or something.

Ah! Wahallo.

During the battle, 93-year-old chief Wakote was shot 102 times by the calvary. Did he die? Yes.

The atrocities are in blue.

There are two things I know about white people. They love Matchbox 20, and they are terrified of curses.

Take that, curse! / Take that, curse! / Ouch, ouch, ouch! Right in the chest, ooh! Ow, ow, ow! Bazooka!

She's like an eagle-eyed tiger. / Eagle-eyed tiger! New band name, I call it!

But he did it so nicely that I didn't even realize he did it. / I've done that to multiple men.

Two days ago I was sobbing at a pizza buffet and they asked me to leave. I've been looking at some dog adoption web sites. Bought $700 worth of candles from Anthropologie. I did this to my hair.

Normally, people tell you to talk about your problems, I'm gonna recommend you bottle that noise up. / That's what my mailman said.

Muah-muah-murder. Murdering the most melons. Shaquille showered shame on Shakira's sheets.

But deadly. When was the last time this giant wheel of death was inspected?

How many of these carnies are illegals?

Are you [bleep] kidding me? You got Li'l Sebastian?

Thank you, Joan. Li'l Sebastian isn't bad either.

Did you get your breasts done? You look amazing. / Yes, thanks for noticing.

And when it does, I'm gonna be there to give you a foot massage... To completion.

Well, I want a billion Teddy bears. / Well, that's a little unrealistic. This is a hard game. Two million.

Hey, I love you. / Dude, shut up! / That is awesome sauce!

Wow, that is a shockingly huge mini horse erection.

Well, uh, you know, when I was an 18-year-old mayor, I tried to build a winter sports complex called Ice Town and it bankrupted the city.

I was also short-stop on my JV baseball team. No one ever brings that up.

Uh, somebody left the gate open and he got out, Jerry! / What are you talking about? / Unbelievable. Another in a long string of miserable failures. You lost Li'l Sebastian! / I wasn't even here! / Exactly.

Let's go ahead, let's get some shots of chipped paint and crying babies. How about some of those spooky traffic lights.

Plus we lost that little pony. / It's a mini horse! / And that's the third lightning rod. Triple lightning rod! / And then you have the curse, quadruple lightning rod.

Oh, no. No. We all just behave rationally and believe we are all in charge of our own destinies. Come on.

Maybe Li'l Sebastian got upset because he tried to share his true feelings with someone and they didn't reciprocate.

Good idea. Horses love mazes, come on!

Ah, good. Anne, you're so beautiful. Beautiful Anne.

Oh, I love these things. Sorry.

You know how Indians call corn maize? This is why. I never knew that.

Oh, my God. I'm gonna go look by myself. / Hey, are you all right? You seem super not happy. / I'm fine. / Oh, I forgot to tell you. I might be going to Venezuela tomorrow. Forever.

I don't know what's sicker, me or your body. / You aren't sick. / Maybe you should check out my abs. / Are you experiencing abdominal pain? / Every day at the gym.

Who said anything about a boyfriend? / Use him, abuse him, lose him.

Yeah, Jerry. He's right here in my pocket.

There are not, as one reporter suggested, dozens of escaped convicts meandering around the carnival. And, at no time was any Parks Department quote, 'feasting on petting zoo animals.'

Leslie, how big of a disaster will this be, on a scale of 9 to 10?

Yeah, the statement that this reporter has is a question. Will that be enough to lift the curse?

Oh, my God. Crap on a spatula.

Jerry's fault. Jerry's fault. Jerry's fault! Jerry's fault!

If they're missing this long, they're usually dead. / Well, if that's true, then you're gonna have to answer to the whole town. And God.

Andy, she's mad because you said 'awesome sauce' instead of, 'I love you, too.' April, he loves you. Stop being a child. Tom, you're clearly at fault here. Blaming Jerry won't save you. Jerry, we both know you were shotgunning funnel cakes instead of watching Li'l Sebastian. So everyone apologize to everyone else!

That's what makes the sauce so awesome.

Aw, Jerry just farted! I'm very upset, I get nervous.

You single? / Not now, Ed.

Much like the early settlers of Pawnee begged the Wamapoke 200 years ago. / Ah, but that was... / A trick. And over 50 Wamapoke were slaughtered.

Beat it, Donna. / Aye, aye, captain.

A native American tribe making a deal with the government. Heh! What could go wrong?

We spotted him from the top of the ferris wheel at the center of the corn maze. After the power came back on, we went and got him. It took us four hours to solve that maze. It took the horse 15 minutes. Jerry's still out there.

I suppose I oughta go look for him. Right after I get a bratwurst.

Ice Town was a disaster. And it seems like it was probably your fault. From what I can tell, you mismanaged the hell out of it. / Wow, why even say that already?

I don't get it. At all. It's kind of a small horse. I mean, what am I missing? Am I crazy? / Hey, Ben, you just missed it. He whinnied. / Oh, yeah, no. I totally heard that. It was great.