Dave Returns

Oh, God! Hey, Boo Boo Bear. What did you just call me? Boo Boo Bear. It's one of several nicknames I made up for you.

We have Cookie Tush... Wow. Just right out the gate. Winnie the Boo, Lady Presh Presh, Annberry Sauce, Annie Get Your Boo, Tommy's Girl, Annie Banannie...

What are you doing? Is this not one of those? I might have misread the vibe.

I feel like you're embarrassed by me. That is accurate.

Am I in a relationship? It's complicated.

Been a long time, eh, Cap'n? Or Captain. 'Oh, Captain, my Captain.' From Dead Poets Society.

I'm not afraid of cops. I have no reason to be. I never break any laws, ever. Because I'm deathly afraid of cops.

Well, mo' money, mo' problems. That's what I always say. How about mo money, more protective Kevlar vests that save lives? (STAMMERING) Sometimes, I say that, too.

May I say that the boys in blue... Don't. Stop. ...are heroes. Obviously, some more than others. Oh, boy. Here it comes. 9l11. And we're walking.

Yeah. It's called music. And there's only one way to get a vaccine. And that is to play it. To play the... You get an injection.

It's kind of like We Are the World, except I actually think it could have a real impact on society.

She originally put me in charge of hot dogs at this fundraising barbecue, and I dropped them all. All of them. Like, 1,000.

DoubleTime, you said? Little brick building over on Liondale Road? Yeah. You know the one? No.

Yes, Leslie Knope is a female person with whom I was involved. We had, romantic... Romantical involvement until I relocated to San Diego. Which is... That's in California, which is southwest of here by a number of miles.

Cool. I'm going to go to the gas station and get a frozen burrito and eat it right there at that table.

Ooh, that sounds like an Ashley Judd movie.

So if you happen to see any memorabilia laying around, kindly and discreetly discard it. You got it, Duke. Don't call me that.

So, we have to play it perfectly every time? No, Burly. Play it unperfectly. You mean, imperfectly? I mean perfectly.

I'm sorry. But you are too hot to hide, Ann. This is on you.

When you two spoon, who spoons who?

Oh, you mean the whiz palace. Yes, Leslie calls it that sometimes. I know. It's kind of cute, right? Yeah, that's real cute.

I'm still in love with you. What did you just say? Nothing. I did... Nothing. Nothing was said.

Whizzingham Manor. That's another funny name for the bathroom that I thought of.

Was that a joke? Were you joking just now? Because if so, that was hilarious-ly awful-ly funny how bad that was.

I just had no idea. And so, now, I have to... ...adjust.

I think I'm going to take a little go outside.

Mine's really just a cup of honey because tea is gross.

(WHOOPS) To the man!

I don't want to brag, but I have a ton of experience with women being mad at me.

I'd like popcorn and candy and the home team at the game. Boom.

Well, I'd like to talk to Ben. And then, I'd like the three of us to talk together. Well, then, I'll talk to Ben, and then you, and then I'll talk to you. And then you'll talk to each other, and then we'll all three talk, then.

Ann, I caught feelings for you. And I want you to be my girl. And I don't care who knows.

That information is... It's not pertinent, frankly, at this juncture. I just said to you one thing. And you're contriring me. I don't think that's a word.

What are you doing? I'm doing that. Are you serious? You brought it on yourself.

He said, 'I've got somewhere important to go, and I don't respect her as a woman.' He said that. And then he acted more effeminate than he does in front of you.

Haverford Playbook move number two. Ladies love a guy waiting for them in the rain.

Ann? Boo Boo?

What happened to you? I was waiting outside in the rain for you. Because I thought you would come out and be like, 'Oh, he's all wet. That's so romantic.' But you didn't. What on earth would make you think I would like that? Movies.

He's shrimpy. And he's small. Shrimpy or not, he's smart and he's cute and he's kind and he's funny. He's got a great face and nice hair, and he's... Okay, that's... I get it. I surrender.

A few weeks ago, a guy called me a bitch in a bowling alley, and he punched him in the face.

Where is that saxophone coming from? I don't know. I don't know the first thing about music.

Pretty sweet sauce in there, eh, Ace? What's wrong with you? I don't know.

(SINGING) Baby, I'm sorry for how I acted But if you give me another chance I could be the boo of your dreams, girl So when you're sleeping and you're dreaming of a boo I want that boo to be me

The four sweetest words in the English language. 'You wore me down.'

You're not waiting. No. It feels like you're being overly respectful of all these cops, and you're letting them go in all in front of you. No, no, no. I'm just standing here.