New Slogan

Everyone ignores Ben's proud presentation of the website features to focus entirely on a panda mascot playing ping-pong

This is truly a fine panda game you made. Well done.

You look like Meryl Streep at the end of Ironweed.

You wish.

All these strangers' insurance information

Ooh, I get it, you have car insurance. Why don't you brag about it?

Ooh, I get it, you have car insurance. Why don't you brag about it?

But I've never been because it's mostly middle-aged women and I'm allergic to turkey neck.

Really? That's the best part. We should split a turkey sometime.

This is like the parks equivalent of Bruce Springsteen pulling Courtney Cox onstage. I mean, one minute you're just a regular girl in the crowd, and the next minute you're dancing 10 feet away from freakin' Max Weinberg!

I hardly ever do it in my bed on a Saturday night while listening to old spice girls CDs.

I'm kind of like a skinny, handsome, Indian Mario Batali... who doesn't know how to cook.

Tom, that's so sweet. Thanks. Ow! Oh, my gosh! I didn't even do anything. The voodoo doll is reading my thoughts.

No, we're not gonna do that. We're gonna sit forward and take it hard.

There is New York, the city that never sleeps. And then there is Glenwater, Florida, home of America's most violent Walmart parking lot.

So this was one of Eagleton's top sushi restaurants. But you can't out-run the whale meat police forever.

Leslie, I told you, I'm not gonna participate in your weird Julia Roberts, cameraman husband fantasy.

Well, the story of my interest level is: It's medium.

No, it means 'flower.' I think it means 'John.'

Follow-up question, Leslie, show us your boobs!

A smooth and silky evening to you all. On nights like this, when the cold winds blow, and the air is awash in the swirling eddies of our dreams, come with me and find safe haven...in a warm bathtub full of my jazz.

The current leader is 'Pawnee, welcome to Douche nation.'

If I were a dictator, I would throw the Douche in prison without a trial. I would be a very strong dictator, and you would be my bodyguard, and you would lead my army.

Backwards hat...shows a real lack of respect for authority. I like that.

I'm just psyched to be in the studio, you know? I'm just...chillin' in the studes with my dudes.

On a scale, from 1 to ga-ga-ga-going! How would you rate Emma Watson's boobs?

First of all, I would rate her acting as an 'A.'

More like double D minus.

I have a twin brother. What? I have a twin brother. You are Duke Silver? Yes, I am Duke Silver.

If my secret got out, this office would be waist-deep in women's undergarments.

This is my mom's dumper! Oh, mommy! I don't know how you got your hands on that. I took it.

Or you know what would also be kind of dope for the people of Douche nation to do? It's vote for another slogan. Like, you know, 'Storied past, bright future'? But...I don't care. I don't give a fart, bros.

Lesbo Baggins, you know where my stick is? You... Oh! Found my stick. Oh, where did you find it? Up Leslie Knope's butt!

I am ending my secret musical career. I have to kill Duke Silver. Sorry, Andrew. I would rather never play again than have everyone know my secret. Good-bye, Duke Silver. May you rest...in jazz.

Yeah, yeah. I voted for that one.

Yeah, yeah. I voted for that one.

Should take about two minutes. Just PayPal me some bitcoins when you get a chance.

No, another Steven Spielberg-themed restaurant. The German place downtown... Schindler's Lunch.

No can do. That's a load-bearing T-Rex.

Look what they did to Peebo. He's wearing a hat made of penises.

I mean, have I really pulled my last bloated raccoon carcass from a public fountain?

I somehow ran my belt through a slat in this chair so I'm kind of...I'm kind of stuck to it now.

When they say 2% milk, I don't know what the other 98% is.

When they say 2% milk, I don't know what the other 98% is.

I once threw beer at a swan, and then it attacked my niece Rebecca.

When I was a baby, my head was so big scientists did experiments on me.

Cologne for watches.

Things used to make me so happy. But I've grown a lot in the last year. Now I just want one big thing, my own restaurant, named after me, that makes me so much money I can buy anything I want.

I think the slogan should be 'Pawnee, home of crackers, the orangest goldfish in Indiana.'

No, that's my slogan idea. 'Who even needs a slogan?' And then a big picture of me flipping everybody off.

Who even needs a slogan? And then a big picture of me flipping everybody off.

Back off. 'You're' is spelled wrong. It should be 'y-o-u-r.' Oops, I didn't catch it. Thank you. No, no, no, she made a possessive. She's getting further away.

You fixed the mistakes. I held it together for the entire meeting. Let me have this one.

Then I'm sure you are okay with the fact that they installed the sign the wrong way and it's welcoming you to Pawnee as you're leaving.

Leslie, I love you, very much. But this is the stupidest thing you've ever said. You'd be amazing. And everyone's gonna be in awe of how amazing you are, so just shut your month.