When challenged to think up a new Christmas carol, Homer instead writes a song about how much he hates Ned Flanders. The song becomes such a hit that the Simpsons become sick of hearing it and take a trip to a dude ranch. Lisa develops affections for a local boy named Luke but becomes jealous when he hears him talking to a girl named Clara on the telephone. One night, she meets Clara and gives her the wrong directions, leading her to become lost. After Lisa discovers that Clara is actually Luke's sister, she rushes to find her. She saves Clara, and decides to tell Luke what happened, but he is offended and dumps her. Meanwhile, Bart and Homer decide to help a tribe of Native Americans who want a beaver dam removed so they can reclaim their land.
WAR
49.2
Wins Above Replacement
“Dude Wheres My Ranch” ranks #326 of 552 The Simpsons episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 77.0 — Great. The episode packs 67 scored jokes at 3.5 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.5 on impact, with Homer landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Native American: Unfortunately, the beaver is also our god. In retrospect, it was a poor choice.
Mr. Burns: Makes me wish I hadn't released the hounds. [ALL SCREAMING AND DOGS BARKING]
Mr. Burns Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Historical Sign · Lisa: On this battleground in 1881, 56 Indians lost their lives and four brave Americans lost their hats. [WHIMPERING] Those poor hats.
Homer: Now I know how God feels.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Everybody in the U.S.A. Hates their stupid neighbor / He's Flanders And he's really, really lame
Homer Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 67 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Mr. Burns: Makes me wish I hadn't released the hounds. [ALL SCREAMING AND DOGS BARKING]
Mr. Burns Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Smithers · Mr. Burns: Should I call them off, sir? - No, no. It's their Christmas too.
Krusty: That's even worse than 'I'm Dreaming of a Whitefish Christmas.' For this, I tied my bathrobe?
Krusty Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Homer: They belong to everyone, like grapes at the grocery store.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: Those suck. They're worse than nothing.
Homer Character Comedy Escalation Lawyer · Homer: Don't use A-flat or G-natural. Those are owned by Disney. - Oh. - That's A-flat. - Oh! - That's better.
Homer: If I can make my own clothes, I can do anything.
Homer Character Comedy Visual Gag Ned: Well, the Bible says it's fun to do stuff together.
Ned Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: Flanders, I am a patient, reasonable, handsome man.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Homer: It's a popsicle in my favorite flavor, plain.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Homer: Everybody in the U.S.A. Hates their stupid neighbor / He's Flanders And he's really, really lame
Homer Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch David Byrne · Homer: And I used to wrestle under the name El Diablo. - I thought that was Philip Glass. - Yeah, he wishes.
Homer: Hey, mister, if you like my song so much, would you like to buy a tape? It's already rewound.
Homer Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Lenny · Carl · Homer: LENNY & CARL: D-E-R HOMER: His wife is dead [WOMAN SCREAMS]
Rod · Todd: - That's us. - Hurray!
Rod Todd Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Lisa: Another cover? My God, let it die.
Lisa Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy Homer: Now I know how God feels.
Homer Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Homer: What? It said 'take one.'
Homer Character Comedy Visual Gag Bart: 'The Denzel Washington Monument'
Bart Wordplay/Pun Absurdist Lisa · Homer: Or we could go to Walter Gropius' Bauhaus Village. - And fight the crowds? Forget it.
Moe · David Byrne: Watch it, Mr. Byrne. You'll slip on the simonize. - Simonize? [YELLS]
David Byrne · Moe: Wasn't that the hospital? - Uh, you ever see the movie Misery? - Actually, no. - Then this'll all be new to you.
Ranch Owner: Son, the only Internet connection we got is a dedicated DSL port in the business center. Or you could patch in through the smart fridge in your cabin.
Bart: Hmm, if said fridge is smart, it will be filled with Hot Pockets and bologna by the time I get there.
Bart Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Historical Sign · Lisa: On this battleground in 1881, 56 Indians lost their lives and four brave Americans lost their hats. [WHIMPERING] Those poor hats.
Lisa · Ranch Owner: This whole ranch is appalling. It's built on a legacy of cruelty to animals and oppression of indigenous people. - Just our way of making y'all feel welcome.
Homer · Maggie: I'll show you how they get on a horse where I come from. - Daddy, I need upsies. - Coming, sweetie.
Cookie: Pleased to meet you. Have a tooth.
Cookie Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Bart: Hey, Crabby Hayes, get with the program.
Bart Character Comedy Observational Luke: Mama rattlesnake would be mighty sore if you scrambled her young'un.
Luke Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Native American: He unified the nations of the western plains. Five dollars or three for 12.
Tourist · Native American: Can you shoot one where I'm Rambo and my wife is Betty Boop? - You mean package B.
Native American: Then the river was dammed to make that lake by our ancient enemy, the beaver.
Native American: Unfortunately, the beaver is also our god. In retrospect, it was a poor choice.
Native American · Homer: Sure. And when we do, your breakfast will be comped. - How many decks will your blackjack dealers use? - Eight. - Three. - Four. - Deal.
Marge: I didn't gasp like that until I was 18.
Marge Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Homer: No! I wanted to die choking on food.
Homer Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Homer: Stop shoving. The little one isn't getting any.
Homer Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Luke: Free range my ass. Tonight you're gonna be swimming next to a matzo ball.
Luke Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Marge · Lisa · Luke: Oh, it looks like a happy sheep. - Oh. - Oh, damn it.
Marge: Don't rightly know. I just soaked up the lingo like a biscuit in a bucket full of gopher gravy.
Marge Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Lisa: But when he's 23, I'll be 18.
Lisa Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Marge: I didn't marry the first boy I... Well, I did, but you shouldn't.
Marge Character Comedy Callback ★ Rewatch Callback Homer: It's beef hormones and the fluorescent lights. What are you gonna do?
Homer Character Comedy Observational Maggie: [BRITNEY SPEARS' 'OOPS!... I DID IT AGAIN' PLAYING] Oops!... I did it again I played with your heart Got lost in the game
Maggie Visual Gag Character Comedy Cookie: A dance? A dance? [LAUGHING AND WHOOPING]
Cookie Character Comedy Physical/Slapstick Cookie · Others: Whew. I'm pooped. I'm going to bed. - Bed? [WHOOPS]
Luke: Love you too, Clara.
Luke Misdirection Character Comedy Lisa · Clara: But a quicker way to the ranch is that shortcut. Thanks, darling. See you at the dance.
Homer: Delicious motel furniture.
Homer Character Comedy Absurdist Homer · Bart: That's a $17 deck of cards. - Let it go, Dad.
Homer: Finally, man has triumphed over a small furry animal.
Homer Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Native American · Homer: Actually, it's Fresca. - Fresca?
Luke: Hell, no. They outlawed that in this state two years ago.
Luke Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Lisa · Luke: Done something terrible. - Don't care. Just totally caught in the moment.
Sheriff · Crowd · Sheriff: But I'll be back in six months. - Yee-haw! - Blanks. They just don't feel the same.
Homer: Who are you, the 'used to' police?
Homer Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Clara: I'm one lesson short.
Clara Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Clara: Well, that certainly justifies attempted murder.
Clara Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Lisa · Bart: And when... Hello, handsome. - What's up, cootie breath?
Marge · Homer: Homer, those are elk. - I still hate them. Go back to Grosse Pointe.
Luke: You're the kind of slicker my family left Central Park West to avoid.
Luke Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Luke: You got a lot of chutzpah, missy.
Luke Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Lisa · Marge · Homer: Who is he? - You, Homie. - Whoo-hoo! In your face, imaginary guy.
Moe: Moe, Moe, Moe / How do you like me? How do you like me? / Moe, Moe, Moe / Why don't you like me? Nobody likes me
Moe Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Callback Homer: Oh, that can't be good for the struts.
Homer Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement Top Episodes — The Simpsons
