The One with the Candy Hearts

She barely knows me. We just live in the same building. - Any contact? - She lent me an egg once. You're in.

Ross's nervous chuckle after greeting

Here's your egg back. I'm returning your egg.

I think it's winning. - I think it's insane. - She'll love it.

Think it'll work? - It's suicide. The man's got an egg.

You can go out with a creep any night of the year. I know I do.

Pathetic mess. I know, but... Come on, man, she's needy, she's vulnerable. I'm thinking: [MIMICS CASH REGISTER]

How do I look? - Oh, um... I don't care.

Oh... my... God.

Okay, I'm making a break for it. I'm going out the window.

I can't go when I'm nervous.

[MIMICS SOBBING] 'Oh, was it good for you?'

'I win. I win.' I went out with him for two months. I didn't get to win once.

I think we're like some kind of magnets. I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.

Pheebs, this woman is voluntarily bald.

Or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.

You know... ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.

Uh, quarters or rolls of quarters?

By the way, Chandler, I cut you out of all of my pictures. So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.

And you could use them in your Theater of Cruelty.

She said she wants to slather my body with stuff and then lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is. But I definitely want to be a part of it.

I hope she throws up on you.

Although I have enjoyed the fact that your shirt's been sticking out of your zipper since you came back from the bathroom.

Joey's not a friend. He's... a stupid man who left us his credit card.

A bottle of your most overpriced champagne. - Each. - That's right. Each. Oh. And a, uh, Rob Roy. I've always wanted to know.

I'm just saying if dogs do experience jet lag, then... because of the whole seven-dog-years-to-one-human-year thing... that when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles... he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses, like, a week and a half.

You mean they're lovers? If you want to put a label on it.

Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part.

All I had is oregano and a Fresca.

All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.

Huh. Okay, Pheebs, if we had that... we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.

A picture of Scotty Jared, naked. - Let me see. He's wearing a sweater. - No.

Wait. Isn't it almost pure...? [ALL SCREAM]

Oh, man. In my next life I'm coming back as a toilet brush.

I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna.

Kristen does something... that, funnily enough... wasn't even her major.

Wow, that guy's hairier than the chief.

You're our third call tonight. Sure. Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.

I brought you something. Is it loaded?

Oh, little candy hearts. 'Chan and Jan forever.' I had them made special.

You love me, Chandler Bing.

Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn. Janice. Janice.

You know, this is still pretty hot.

Let's say you and I give it another shot. - Ross. No, no, I know what you're gonna say. You're a lesbian.

Let's just stick a pin in it, okay?

It's time to take the pin out.

All you need is a woman who likes men and you'll be set.

I'll even let you ring the bell. Wohoo!

You tell them you're married? - No way. My girlfriend doesn't know. I'm not gonna tell them.