The One With The Prom Video

Joey:Chandler, I got the money I owe you.

Chandler:Finally! Now I can afford that pony I've always wanted.

Chandler:Oh my God, this is... this is really something. 'Best Bud.' Wow. I mean, who needs actual accomplishments when you can have jewelry that screams 'I don't know what to get people'?

Chandler:I've never been good to go. I've been good to stop, good to pause, good to rewind...

Joey:So this bracelet, it's affecting your sex life?

Chandler:Well, it's like when a baseball player gets a new glove. At first it feels weird, but then you break it in and it becomes part of you.

Joey:So you're saying the bracelet is... breaking you in?

Chandler:I'm saying I can't take it off without feeling like I'm going into the game unprepared.

Restaurant Manager:I like it dirty.

Monica:Excuse me?

Restaurant Manager:The lettuce. I like it dirty. Unwashed.

Restaurant Manager:So tell me, how do you like to handle your meat? Do you prefer it tender or firm?

Monica:Um, I think that's a pretty standard question in cooking.

Restaurant Manager:And what about your technique? Are you more of a slow cooker or do you like to go fast and hard?

Monica:Okay, I'm not comfortable with where this is going.

Restaurant Manager:I'm just asking about your culinary skills. Do you think you could handle a really big one? Something very, very big?

Monica:That's it, I'm done here.

Restaurant Manager:Wait, what about working nights? Do you do anything very, very bad?

Monica:I'm really excited about this position, but I have to ask - what's your management style?

Manager:Well, I like to keep things... personal. Very personal.

Monica:Oh, um, that's... I should probably go.

Phoebe:Oh, is this Casey Kasem?

Phoebe:No? Oh, well, do you know KC and the Sunshine Band?

Phoebe:That's what friends are for!

Phoebe:Lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see them holding claws on the ocean floor.

Phoebe:It's the saddest thing.

Phoebe:When lobsters fall in love, they dance around on the sea floor and they get all googly. And then they do this little thing where they hold claws... *makes exaggerated claw-holding gesture* ...like this.

Phoebe:Okay, okay. So you're a lobster. You're walking along the ocean floor with all the pressure of the water above you, when suddenly a NET closes in and you're pulled from the sea. Ripped from everything you've ever known. Tumbled around in the dark suffocating world of a boat. And then a CLAW comes down and... SNIP! SNIP! Your claws are cut off! You cry out, but nobody can hear you. Do you think a lobster like that is going to dance the Electric Slide?

Phoebe:Do you feel better after the interview?

Monica:A little. It took five showers to feel clean.

Monica:Well, I could always live under the bridge.

Ross:Well, the advantage of borrowing from your parents is that they have to forgive you. It's like a legal thing.

Chandler:What? I'm a goodfella now.

Ross:Wow, that's a really nice bracelet. Where'd you get it?

Chandler:Monica got it for me.

Ross:That must have cost you a lot of doubloons.

Joey:Hey, I know glamorous Hungarian actresses!

Monica:A gym! That's great! So all my stuff...

Monica:Where does it go?

Monica's Mother:We can't move all of Ross's trophies.

Monica's Father:There's no room in the new place.

Monica:God forbid we disturb one of Ross's precious achievements.

Monica's mother:So what's new with you, Monica?

Monica:Well, I'm engaged!

Monica's mother:That's nice, dear. And how's your apartment?

Monica's Father:Well, we all saw that coming.

Monica's mother:Remember that Hawaii incident?

Monica's father:What Hawaii incident? There was no Hawaii incident.

Monica's mother:The one you said we should never speak of again.

Monica's father:I don't know what you're talking about. And even if I did, which I don't, it certainly wasn't my fault.

Monica's father:You know, when Monica was in high school, she used to—

Monica's mother:Jack! Jack, didn't you say the gutters needed cleaning?

Monica's father:What? No, they're fine. Anyway, she had this boyfriend named—

Monica's mother:The gutters, Jack! And the basement! Didn't you mention the basement needed organizing?

Chandler:Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?

Barista:What?

Chandler:I'm trying to order a grande Cockatoo Surprise.

Barista:We don't have that.

Chandler:Okay, forget the pickup line. Just give me whatever you'd recommend.

Barista:The Buttered Scrotum is very popular.

Chandler:I'll take two.

Woman:You know, you look just like the Wendy's guy.

Chandler:That's... not the first time I've heard that.

Chandler:A bracelet? A woman repeller! It's like a neon sign that says 'I'm available... to talk about my feelings!'

Chandler:This bracelet is like Liberace and a house of crap had a baby, and that baby was made of desperation and regret!

Chandler:I pity the fool who doesn't wear gold!

Ross:Get to the choppa! ...Wait, wrong guy.

Joey:Do a mime!

Joey:Do a mime!

Ross:A geisha is supposed to be a woman of mystery and grace, not a... a... chatty Cathy behind the counter!

Chandler:Ross, she's a waitress.

Ross:Exactly! And according to ancient tradition, she should be reserved, demure, and focused solely on the needs of her patrons—not flirting with every guy who walks in!

Ross:Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I saw your personal ad in the paper and I just had to meet you.

Woman:What? I didn't place a personal ad.

Ross:I know, but your friend here did, and she described you perfectly.

Ross:I wasn't helping?

Rachel:Saving me? Ross, you didn't save me. You interrupted me. There's a difference.

Ross:I was trying to help!

Rachel:By doing what? Being in the way? Because that's all you managed to do.

Ross:Rachel, you have to understand - I was just following my instincts. It's like Phoebe says, people are just like lobsters.

Rachel:Ross, what are you talking about?

Ross:We're all just trying to find our soulmate, our one true lobster. And when you find them, you grab on and never let go.

Rachel:Did you seriously just compare us to crustaceans?

Ross:I'm saying that's why I... why I had to do what I did. Lobsters don't question their instincts, Rachel. They just act.

Ross:No, no, no. Rachel, it's not that complicated. Lobsters are one of the few creatures that are actually monogamous in nature.

Rachel:Okay, so what does that have to do with us?

Ross:So you see, when a lobster finds its soulmate, they stay together for life. It's nature's way of saying we're meant to be together.

Rachel:Ross, that's ridiculous.

Ross:No it's not! Monica, help me out here!

Monica:I'm not getting involved in this.

Ross:Phoebe, can you help me explain something about lobsters?

Phoebe:Oh, sure! What do you want to know?

Ross:Well, when lobsters mate, they—

Phoebe:Whoa, whoa, whoa! You have to be very gentle with them. Here, let me show you.

Phoebe:You cradle it like this, and you whisper sweet nothings in its ear.

Ross:You just have to accept that it's never going to happen.

Rachel:Except what?

Joey:Wow, Chandler, that mime act was amazing! You didn't say a word the whole time!

Joey:No, no, no. You're supposed to wear it! That's what friends do. They wear the stuff you give them, even if it makes them look like a big weirdo.

Chandler:Joey, I appreciate the thought, but—

Joey:No buts! When I give you something, I'm giving you a piece of me. And if you don't wear it, you're rejecting that piece of me.

Joey:Yeah, well, I called it a stupid bracelet and I made fun of Chandler.

Joey:But hey, no worries, mate!

Joey:Chandler, I am so sorry. I have sinned against you like Moses sinned against... against the couch cushions.

Chandler:Moses didn't sin against couch cushions, Joey.

Joey:Well, he should have! They're very forgiving.

Joey:I haveth wronged thee, and for that I am most deeply sorry.

Jack Geller:Oh, come on! Look at the form on that one!

Jack Geller:She's got legs that go all the way up.

Jack:A woman in my office is a lesbian. I'm just saying!

Jack Geller:Harmonica? Her name is Monica!

Chandler:I can't believe I have to replace this bracelet. It cost a fortune!

Ross:Well, you know what they say - you gotta spend money to make money. It's like on a farm - sometimes you gotta lose a few chickens to keep the rest of the flock healthy.

Chandler:Ross, that makes no sense.

Ross:I'm just saying, these things happen. You move on. That's life.

Gunther:Hey Chandler! Great news! I found your bracelet behind the counter!

Chandler:Oh... that's... that's actually not good news, Gunther.

Gunther:What? Why not? You lost it, now you found it! That's the definition of good news!

Joey:Bracelet buddies! That's what we are now!

Chandler:Please never say that again.

Monica:You have dinosaur checks?

Ross:Well, what's wrong with that? Dinosaurs are extinct, Monica. Extinct. Like your love life.

Monica:This is my high school bathing suit.

Ross:Monica, you could fit the entire state of Rhode Island in there.

Monica:What? I had a deviated septum! I went to the doctor, he said I could have it fixed. I said, 'Yes, please!'

Chandler:So you got a nose job?

Monica:I got a deviated septum fixed!

Ross:I'm never getting over this. Your nose was huge!

Monica:It was not that big.

Ross:Monica, I'm not gonna lie to you. It looked like a small suitcase.

Monica:Oh my God!

Ross:Remember that bathing suit I made fun of? I'm upgrading. This nose is the new thing I'm never letting you live down.

Ross:Oh my God! Monica, you were a big girl!

Monica:I know!

Ross:I mean, you were a REALLY big girl!

Monica:The camera adds ten pounds.

Chandler:So how many cameras are on you?

Monica's date:Hey, isn't that the guy from Welcome Back, Kotter?

Monica:He watched Cujo 116 times.

Rachel:He's not here! Chip isn't here! What if he doesn't show up?

Monica:Rachel, chill out. He's gonna be here. That's totally rad.

Rachel:You don't understand! What if he stood me up?

Monica:No way! That would be totally bogus. But it's not gonna happen. He thinks you're tubular!

Monica:I just told Rachel that Roy touched my boob.

Judy Geller:Oh Ross, you look absolutely wonderful! So handsome in that tuxedo!

Judy Geller:Monica, why can't you ever look like that?

Ross:Rachel, I... I need to tell you something. Something I've been wanting to say for a long time...

Chip:Hey Rachel, ready to go?

Monica's mother:How do you turn this off?

Monica's father:I don't know, just press something.

Monica's mother:I am pressing something! Now it's recording us!

Monica's father:Well turn it around so we're not in it!

Monica's mother:It's still recording!

Monica's father:Then put your hand over it.

Monica's mother:My hand is over it and it's STILL recording!

Rachel:Wait, you were gonna take me to prom?

Ross:Well, yeah.

Rachel:Oh my God, Ross!

Phoebe:I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I knew you two were lobsters!

Monica:Dad, will you dance with me?

Jack Geller:Flashdance? I don't know how to flashdance.