The One with the Two Parties

Question. Why do we always have parties where you poach things?

Question 2. Why do we always have parties with committees?

I agree. Fancy parties are only fun if you're fancy on the inside. And I'm not sure we are.

Wow, it's like porno for clowns!

Or maybe she doesn't and Joey slept with her and never called her back.

Hey, I liked her. Maybe too much. I don't know. I guess I just got scared. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't think anyone would buy that. Okay!

My cousin went to hell on a football scholarship.

It's a testament to what a girl from Long Island will do for a Celica.

Bishop Tutu actually had to stop and shush them.

Happy birthday, Rachel. Here's some goo!

No, no, not a party. Just a surprise gathering of some people Rachel knows.

This isn't your first surprise party, is it, sir?

The Chinese menu guy. Forgot the menus. So basically, just a Chinese guy.

That sounds like a two-person job.

Yes, because you look so young. And because you're both, you know, white women.

What would Jack and Chrissy do?

Why, again?

Because that's where the party is, you goon!

This is clearly in the wrong apartment.

At least send some women to my party.

Now, you can exchange them if you want, okay? Now I love you even more.

Really? No, I knew.

Both of them are here? Both of them? Both of them are here?

Well, we could count again?

Well, actually... just one birthday flan. It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert. Talk to Monica. She's on the food committee.

Some girl just walked up to me and said, 'I want you, Dennis'... and stuck her tongue down my throat. I love this party!

You didn't like that gray lamp, did you?

Stay clear of 'I'm the guy that's doing your daughter'... and you should be okay.

When you're not using the markers, put the caps back on them... because they will dry out.

It's not a game, Ross. A woman died on my table today. That's the good thing about my job. All the dinosaurs on my table are already dead.

You want to push the caps... until you hear them click.

She'll yell at me again.

In a minute, I'll create a diversion. When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.

I'll be back in 10 seconds with your scotch on the rocks in a glass. Neat! Cool. Neat, as in no rocks. I know.

Stay clear of the salmon mousse.

Mine too. Isn't that neat? Scotch neat.

What a great moment to say that for the first time.

Monica, your party sucks.

Oh, no! Did someone forget to use a coaster?

Great, I'm seeing water rings again.

I have a condition apparently... that I require... two different sets of focals.

Neil Sedaka wears them.

Yeah, like a chimney. Big smoker. Big, big smoker.

I was just warming up the earpieces for you.

Yes, it is. I was just moistening the tip.

Everything you've heard is true.

Joe, if these people find out that my spelling game's over there... there'll be nobody left at our party.

All right, I'm sorry. But these people needed me. They work hard all week. It's Saturday night. They deserve to have a little fun. Go!

It's a little quieter, less obvious sort of fun. But if people would just give it a chance, it's...

You've chosen a boyfriend exactly like your father.

I felt like Gulliver.

What the hell does she want with half a boat?

I got a lot of 'champs,' 'chiefs,' 'sports.' I even got a 'governor.'

She gets the house, he's in a condo my sister will decorate with wicker.

I relied on a carefully regimented program... of denial... and wetting the bed.

Because it reminded you of the way... our forefathers used to bitch at each other?

It never occurred to anybody to bring another one.

What are you doing? I'm getting ready for the water skiing.

Sorry, we're on a major flan high.

Or perhaps you'd like a créme de menthe. I have to be heading toward my chateau.

Yep! Get ready for the gelatinous fun.

Looks like that stuff you get when you get an infection.

Heads up! Wow! Those things almost never come true.