The One Without the Ski Trip

Can I see the comics? / This is the New York Times. / Okay, may I see the comics?

How hard is it to say 'something'? Rachel came over to borrow 'something.'

This is like 60 Minutes when at first you're mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug. And then, you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.

I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.

I had the same dream. / And nobody slept with the Xerox girl. / Oh, I had the opposite dream.

It never takes you more than a shower to get over a relationship.

Let's go. Let's hit the road. Let's get the show on it.

Closer than here? / Oh, look. I found coffee.

Rachel, I'm really sorry. / Okay, Ross. Wanna get back together? / Yeah, okay. / Did anyone else hear that?

I said that out loud, right?

Are we talking models in their underwear? / And heels.

Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today I'm smoking, still.

This is just like my parents' divorce which is when I first started smoking. / Weren't you 9? / Yeah.

I'm telling you something, that first smoke after naptime...

No, 'Hymn' 253: 'His Eyes Are on the Sparrow.'

When my parents got divorced, I started using humor as a defense mechanism.

Shut up. You're not my real mom.

Could you close that window? My nipples could cut glass.

Really? Because mine get me out of tickets.

Somebody else hug him. I have to stay by the window.

[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT] Two days of darts. It'll be great.

It'll be great for next weekend. / [IN SCOTTISH ACCENT] I mean, 'It'll be great.'

The last time I went, I was afraid to leave the chair lift. I just went round and round.

Pity food?

What? Mine aren't tinted.

'Beam me up, Jesus.' / The 'No Smoking' sign.

Rachel never pees in public restrooms. They never have any paper in there. So my rule is, 'No tissue, no tushy.'

Damn. The tailpipe's not hot enough to light this.

No, I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning.

So if your parents hadn't divorced, you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?

Come on. Who has the biggest boobs? Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra and wire.

Monica's are the biggest. / These tiny little non-breasts? Please. It's gotta be Rachel.

No, mine are deceptively small. I mean, I actually sometimes stuff my bra. / Well, then your bra would still be big. / No, I stuff outside the bra.

Ladies, let's just compromise, okay? Phoebe, Rachel, take off Monica's bra.

I thought if I littered, that crying Indian might come by and save us.

Now, let's decide who has the nicest ass.

Visual gag: Chandler cuts the cigarette short just as he's about to enjoy it

But now it's Susan and me in Mexico and the hostages coming home.

A different kind of anniversary. / Oh.

Yeah, anniversaries are great because love lasts forever, you know? There's nothing like it in this life. Money in the bank. So Rachel and I broke up.

Can you just send someone up and down 76 and check every rest stop? And also 93? / No, they don't do that.

We will just have to live here. / But it's so cold. / No. I won't get in a car with him.

Smokey Joe here got halfway to the highway and collapsed. I have the lung capacity of a 2-year-old.

Then why are you smoking? / It's very unsettling.

I ate a bug. / Hey, Rach. The tampons here are only a penny. Let's stock up.

Oh. Now you want a favor?

We both know you'll do it because you're not a jerk. So you can sulk here for half an hour, then go get them, or save time and sulk in the car.

What? You slept with someone else? / We were on a break. / We were... Yeah.

That's 'help' spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air. / What's 'dufus' spelled backwards?

Oh, no. Now it's not gonna make any sense.

Oh, please? Can't I come to your special, magical cabin?

Oh. Hitting me where it hurts. My ski skills.

I can handle it. 'Handle' is my middle name. Actually, it's the middle part of my first name.

I'm sorry. Were you speaking to me, or sleeping with someone else?

Why don't you just put that on your answering machine?

Hey, guess who I am? [mimicking arguing]

Look what you're doing to Chandler.

Wait a second. I mean, what are we doing? Who's going with who?

Or the rodeo. / That would be great. / I was being Shelley Winters from The Poseidon Adventure.

You don't want to skimp there. / You're a genius. It came to about $112. But what the hell, call it an even 110?

So I'm gonna take off then. [long pause before leaving]