The One with Rachel's Crush

I get to have sex with the star of the play! -People can hear you. -I know!

Is it just me, or can you actually see his abs through his overcoat?

So you been doing this long? No. You're my first. Put the money on the table.

-Is that an expensive blouse? -If you want it to be.

Here's your girlfriend's button.

...throw your purses at it.

What is that? Where you walk around with rich people and tell them what to buy? That sounds great!

We switched apartments. You can't eat our food. That gravy train has ended. There's gravy?

-What are you doing? -I think I left a doughnut up here.

It's like somebody wrote down my worst nightmare... ...and then charged me $32 to see it.

That's a good idea for a business.

He'll be like, 'Where's your boyfriend? What's his name? Chester?' She'll go, 'It's Chandler.' He'll go, 'Whatever!'

That is a good trick.

Mel Gibson and Clint Eastwood. They're not a couple. I get the game now.

When they were doing it on stage, was it really hot? Oh, yeah. So you're fine.

You guys have been to every play I've been in. Have I ever had chemistry on stage? -No. -No!

Getting closer. Don't worry... we also have cereals, muffins, waffles and... jams, jellies and marmalades, which I'm sure are the same thing.

Please eat, because Joey opened everything.

Yeah? Who's playing? The players.

Please. It's a relief, is what it is, is what it is.

I just helped an 81-year-old woman put on a thong, and she didn't even buy it.

Anyway, she burned all of my clothes. I got away with this suit and what turned out to be a skirt.

It wasn't much fun dropping it off at the dry cleaners in the skirt.

You needed to speak to me? No, no, that wasn't me.

Let me show you my underwear. The selection of underwear that we carry.

Come on. It was like cousins having sex.

Don't say a word. Just be cool. Don't be, you know, you.

Clearly, you're having sex with him.

You're accusing me of cheating on you, and you're insulting my performance?

I have the best job in the entire world! The most adorable guy came over, and I got to dress him up all day!

Rachel has a new doll!

I wish he was a doll. I'd get a Rachel doll and bump them together... ...and make kissing noises.

He's got the most beautiful name. I never realized. Joshua. Joshua. Josh.

Cookies and porn? You're the best mom ever!

How does Jason look in a V-neck? -It's Joshua. -Whatever.

I served the best air.

Slut!

I don't live here!

Then I went over to Beefsteak Chewley's.... -Beefsteak Charlie's? -Yes!

You and I have always been like:

I don't remember it.

That's such a turn-on. Really? It doesn't seem desperate? That's the turn-on.

You've never asked a guy out? No. Have you? Thousands of times!

That doesn't make me sound too good, does it?

What I do is, I look a woman up and down, and I say... 'Hey. How you doing?'

Oh, please! Hey. How you doing?

Well, let's see. This license belongs to... ...belongs to a Mr. Pheebs.

-You've done that a thousand times? -I've never done that.

There's a lot of theories that didn't pan out: Lone gunman, communism, geometry.

'Who likes the Knick?'

That would be fantastic! My nephew is crazy about the Knicks!

Nick's pants?

He didn't turn me down. He's at the game. I got the date. I'm just not on it.

What do you think of the floor? I don't know. Looks the same. You used to have carpet.

I'm always the hostess.

Nick and his rock-hard pecs and his giant man-nipples.

They wouldn't have ended up in bed. I threw her at his man-nipples!

Well, if she thought they were on a break....

I left my wallet here on purpose. Really? Yes. I just wanted to see you again.

'How you doing?'