The One with Joey's Dirty Day

So, what is this? Googlie Worm. And this? Glow Pop Jiggly Jam. It's so funny!

What's this? A hunk of sandwich from last year.

Geller's got one hooked! Looks like a big one!

Someone knocked over a lamp.

When my Dad asks, 'What are you doing with your life?' I can say, 'I'm doing a movie with Charlton Heston. What about you?'

Well, except you.

Yeah, I wish that rooster were dead.

There's nothing I can do. He's still in his sweats. That's only phase one.

Phase two? Getting drunk and going to a strip club.

How does going there make him better? There are naked ladies there.

Then to phase three: seeing yourself with other women. There are naked ladies there too.

This one is large. And this one... Also large? Two larges coming right up.

Hello. -Damn you. -Could I have a moment?

My niece, you see, is in town from London. Shropshire, but you know.

Sure. You got it! Count me in. Me. Fledermaus. Great!

You're into hard-core S & M, right? -Well, I guess. -I'm kidding.

You'll like it. It has two out of the three tenors.

You know what else is the one? My sweatpants.

Wow, and I can't resist that line. That's why I never wear sweatpants.

Three days without a shower. Plus, I fell in a big tub of worms!

You see? He just needed his pal to come home.

I would, but I get my morning sickness in the evening.

Unless she wants to spend the night holding my hair back for me.

Chandler's still in phase one, and Joey's that thing you smell.

That is a toughie.

You can't see people through that hole, can you?

I must've missed your call, though I didn't leave the flat all day.

I've been run down by one of your wiener carts and been strip-searched at the airport. Apparently, I look like someone who's got cocaine stuffed up their bum.

Don't you just love the way they talk?

No, wait. The elastic in my underwear busted.

Run 10 blocks. That'll help the smell.

There is no Rachel Greep. But this girl overheard us. And she said, 'I'm Rachel Greep!' And he let her in.

This big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella so I clocked her.

That's short for Phoebe? I thought that's what we called each other.

It's 9:30 a.m. They got a breakfast buffet.

There's a deer outside eating fruit from the orchard! I got to go! There's a deer eating fruit from the orchard!

When you first met Barry, you flitted off to Vail.

Could you, just for once, not remember every little thing?

You can't go back a phase! You're thinking about time. You can't go back in time.

We can be guys! No, you can't. Let us be guys! Maybe we want to be guys.

No, you don't. You'd be all hairy and wouldn't live as long.

Look at that. Charlton Heston eating licorice.

I could see why you would think that. But you know who it is? You? No, no. It's Heston.

He reeks like he went on a three-day fishing trip, then ate licorice.

No, thanks, Mom!

It's not my baby.

Don't let me leave without the name of that carpet guy.

Then I'll be so drunk, I'll want to call Janice. You should! How is she?

Would you believe me if I said I was Kirk Douglas?

I'm a cop who won't work with you because you're a loose cannon.

Every actor thinks he stinks. Even Laurence Olivier sometimes thought he stank. Bob Redford won't even watch himself.

You must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?

Thanks to you, the hottest waitress is quitting to teach the third grade!

It's Joshua. He doesn't like 'Josh'? No, I don't.

You know what girls are good at? Stripping! No, listening!

I liked that fighter pilot one. Candy? She was so spunky!

I stuck that dollar in her G-string and grazed her thigh...

Phase three! I just achieved phase three!

I am totally picturing you with all those women!

Are we all together in a group?

I don't want a relationship ever! I just want sex with strippers and my friends!

Emily is... incredible. There are no words to describe her. The whole weekend was like a dream.

You are going to take off my clothes. You two, go get the oils. And you, just constantly scream... 'Chandler's the king! Chandler's the king!'

Pay attention. I could wake up at any moment.

I'm Joshua. I'm here to pick up Rachel. That's not Joshua. What do you want from me? I never met the guy.