The One with All the Haste

Hey! Do you have to do that? It's Saturday!

I hate this apartment! I hate this wall color! I hate that it still smells like bird!

I hate that singing guy! Are you kidding? I love that guy!

Stop it! I will kill you.

You don't even have a bed. You sleep in a ball on the floor!

It's a great apartment! Shut up! This place is a hole!

I know, I know. Who am l? David Bowie?

He does that? I don't know. Whatever.

When I'm with you, I'm like...this whole other guy. I love that guy! I mean, I love you too. A lot. But that guy! I love that guy!

So? Then you could stay as long as you want.

I don't want to leave it till last. Last time, I left my knickers here.

Yeah, I know. I tried them on. You didn't! No, I didn't. I didn't want to be 'that guy.'

Pheebs, those are Santa pants.

Santa Claus' pants. No. They're maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. See?

These names are good, and these are bad.

So, how are the elves?

Your clothes aren't funny.

What should I wear to a Knicks game? A T-shirt that says, 'l Don't Belong Here'?

I could slip Woody Allen my resume.

Oh, I didn't see that coming.

Not stupid. You're meaner than I thought.

Your 'bachelor pad'? Have you even had a girl here?

No. But Joey has, and I usually talk to them in the morning.

Gunther, can I get two cups of chino, please? Good one.

When I was a kid, my dad's company gave season tickets...to the No. 1 salesman every year. My dad never won. Of course, he wasn't in sales. But still, I never forgot that!

You do know that Wham broke up?

Don't try and talk all normal with that thing in your ear.

I've got a carton of milk in my fridge I've had a longer relationship with.

And I love the milk! But I won't ask some British girl to move in with me.

Joey, you say things now.

Just remember to wake us up before you go-go.

The timing's perfect! I just clogged the toilet!

Ever read Flowers for Algernon?

Ever read Sports Illustrated?

No, I didn't read yours!

Screw the Knicks! I didn't mean that. I just meant that...the apartment is worth so much more. And the Knicks rule.

What if you could keep the apartment and the tickets? Done! Let me finish. I'm talking about a bet. Winner takes all.

Come on, man! You know I'd do it for you. Because you're my best friend. All right. But you can't use that again for a whole year.

We should let Phoebe decide...because she's the only one who's impartial, and she's so pretty.

I have a game! This is great! What's the game? It doesn't have a name. No, okay. Phoebe Ball! No, it doesn't have a name.

What is your favorite thing about trees? They're green? Good! Five points!

Same question. They're tall. Three points!

Both fine answers, but we were looking for leafy. Leafy.

That's not even a game. Shut up. We're winning!

Four. That's a low one!

You look. I can't do it. What makes you think I can?

Why are you hugging? We won our apartment back! What? Ace is high! Jack, queen, king, ace! No! Ace is low! Ace, two, three, four!

Come on, apartment! Come on, apartment!

We pick again! We pick again! Why? I don't know.

What are they so mad about? They got the apartment back. No, they didn't.

Move in with me? What?

I always hear about them foreigners stealing American jobs. That could be you.

I was with Carol for four years before we got married...and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian.

It's a bit small. Damn! I thought that'd be romantic as hell.

Let us keep the apartment and...as a thank you...Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.

Totally worth it! That was one good minute!

Can you believe something that stupid actually got us our apartment back?

If you had just done that after the last contest...no one would have had to move at all.

Let's pretend that's not true.

Oh, are you pregnant too?

Monica and Rachel made out.