The One with Rachel's New Dress

It is true what they say: Pregnant bellies look like a drum.

I'm so pregnant that my guitar doesn't fit anymore. So I'm going to play my songs on this drum.

Smelly cat, smelly cat / What are they feeding you? (played on belly drum)

That sounds great! I know! And I've only been playing for an hour.

Don't tell me you want to keep more stuff in my uterus.

Frank Jr., Jr. / Wouldn't that be Frank III? / Don't get me started.

That's so nice! Cougar.

Mommy can have a wife. Daddy can have a bra.

What can we do in 17 minutes... twice? / Well, that's ambitious.

You can ignore that. That's your son. Believe me, when he's older, he'll understand.

Look at you two bonding. Making us late for the airport. / It's just us getting along is difficult for him... because he doesn't like me. / Come on. That's... / It's true.

You know? Like... Exxon! / It certainly worked for that Valdez kid.

You want a strong name? How about The Hulk?

I'm not sure about Hulk, but I like a name starting with 'The'.

You want a good name, go with Joey. Joey's your pal, your buddy. Where is everybody? They're hanging out with Joey!

Chandler will be there too. He might be a little late... but he'll be there. And he'll bring you cold soda... if what you need him for is that you're really hot.

All right, I don't... Maybe I'll just name him The Hulk.

I shouldn't have mentioned it. I wanted to name my kid that.

It creeps me out choosing other people's sex clothes.

Then you realized if you bitched, then you would stop cooking... and you would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.

I really get crabby when I cook.

Turns out that Emily is just crazy about Susan. They're going to the theater together. They're going to dinner. They're going horseback riding! God, Susan is so fun!

My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great.

Two women... stretching! They take a steam, things get playful. Didn't you see 'Personal Best'?

No, but I'm gonna!

Yeah, definitely. I don't like the name Ross.

What a weird way to kick me when I'm down!

Something like this would never happen to The Hulk, you know.

You know... Never mind. My girlfriend's a lesbian.

Joey Buttafucco. Yeah, that guy really hurt us.

How about a compromise then? What if it's... Chan-no-ey?

Joey? Think about it. He'll never be President. There will never be a President Joey.

Chandler is the stupidest name I've heard in my life! It's not a name! It's barely even a word. It's like chandelier but it's not!

You're right. I have a horrible, horrible name.

Behind you. They used to live here, and sometimes they migrate back over.

Farm birds really kind of freak me out!

All gone. So, farm birds, huh? It's my only weird thing, I swear. I would have told you. I didn't know that they'd be here.

They're across the hall. That's two doors away. It'll take them a long time to peck their way back over here.

That's not funny.

They can smell the fear.

I asked if he wanted to eat. He said no. I asked if he wanted to sleep. He said no. I asked what he wanted to do. He said no. So he's sweeping.

Carol, so were we.

I didn't really believe it until you just said it!

None of the other kids believed me, but I swear that duck pushed me.

It would have been, but my parents just moved here. You should know this place is a real babe magnet.

We cut the trip short. France sucks! / Yep. Sucks!

Oh, my God! I know. I can do more than cook.

I like her. She seems smart.

Joshua, that $500 was for groceries.

I work in fashion. And this is a real dress, actually. They're wearing it in Milan. Part of my job is to wear the clothes and see how people respond.

Obviously, in this case... I am going to report back: 'U.S.A. Not ready.'

No use wasting this baby just lying around the house.

We'll be eating and, of course, you'll be wearing that.

Nope, you're right. It is a ridiculous name! / Yes, it is! From now on, I have no first name.

You're just Bing?

Okay, for now, temporarily, you can call me... Clint.

No way are you cool enough to pull off 'Clint'. / What name am I cool enough to pull off? / Gene.

What's up with Gene?

I jumped up and my boob popped out. It's all right. I got nice boobs.

She and Susan are going to a poetry reading together. / So? / Poetry? Susan's gay. They're being gay together!

She turned you into this untrusting, crazy, jealous... sycophant!

So I don't know what 'sycophant' means, but the rest is right.

So up until '92, '93, he was very trusting. Then '94 hit, Carol left him, and bam! Paranoid City!

This is so fun!

The '92 Ross wouldn't.

Well, you know what? I hope Emily is a lesbian.

Am I a Mark or a John? / You're not tall enough to be a Mark. But you might make a good Barney.

So tomorrow, I'll either be Mark Johnson or John Markson.

You've got problems because of you, not your name!

This has got to stop! Chandler is a great name. In fact... I'm going to name the baby Chandler.

Nice luggage. / I was going to say.

No tongue.