The One with the Worst Best Man Ever

That was the 10th time I've peed since I've been here. It's also, like, the 10th time you've told us. Ha, ha.

Yeah, oh, I'm sorry, it must be hard to hear. I'll tell you, it's easier having babies playing 'Bring in 'da Noise, Bring in 'da Funk' on your bladder.

I am so sick of being pregnant. The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee which of course is decaf because, oh, I'm pregnant.

So, uh, Pheebs, honey, how are those mood swings coming? I haven't really had any yet.

Yes, yes. A thousand times, yes.

Oh, it's awkward. It's awkward, it's awkward.

You can be the best man when I get married. I'm never gonna get to be a best man.

I'm not even getting married! Okay, this is a question for science-fiction writers.

Yes. Shame about you, though.

It's not kicking me. It's kicking one of the other babies. Oh. Don't make me come in there!

Hormones. What Phoebe meant was how come you're having a party and we're not invited?

Are you bachelors? No. Are you strippers? No. Then you're not invited.

Wow. That so doesn't sound like something I want to do. Later.

I can't believe I'm going to have a party! Ha, ha. That's so great. A party! Yay! Ha, ha. [CRYING]

And I'm invite Gunther because, well, we've been talking pretty loud. I'll be there.

Just the dinosaur dudes.

Okay, we'll need a six-pack of Zima.

I don't think it's gonna be that difficult, considering this one won't take place in the basement of a Pizza Hut. Oh, I'm Ross, I'm Ross. I'm too good for the Hut. I'm too good for the Hut.

There's gonna be strippers there. He didn't say anything about no strippers.

He just said, 'No strippers.' Oh. I chose not to hear that.

Little Village People.

Except, uh, Phoebe's not gonna be the one who gets to dress them. I guess she's not gonna get to keep the babies.

Oh, my God, we are throwing the most depressing baby shower.

Oh, and somebody can get her those leather pants she's always wanted.

You actually thought it'd make me feel better? To give me something I can't even use for another two months? This sucks! Oh!

What's my last name? Central Perk?

Thanks for not marrying Rachel.

And, uh, you know, so is the position of the bride.

Smooth, man. Yeah. You got some chili on your neck.

Watch this. Stare at the wall. Hardly move. Be white.

You are really good at that.

Yeah. I'll let you play with my duck.

Stripper.

You lost the ring. You're the worst best man ever.

You slept with the stripper? Of course!

Well, how is this like that? Well, let's see. It's not really like that. Because, you see, that was an actual problem.

And, uh, yours is just, like, a bunch of high-school crap that nobody really gives... Yeah.

If this isn't an emergency, then what is?

Yeah, and another one had never been to a party before, so...

That ring, when my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and the clothes on her back were all she had with her.

So you might say it's a magic ring.

Yeah, the stripper stole it.

Well, I think it all started when you said, 'Hey, Joey, why don't you be my best man.'

Dude, I screwed up. You don't have to turn me in. Not on you, on the stripper.

I said, 'You talk to the police, you tell them I'm missing a ring.'

Oh, that sounds like fun, but we got a ring to find!

Well, you can't have the baby here! I haven't sterilized the apartment since the guys moved out!

You know what? It's okay. I'm gonna boil some water and just rip up some sheets.

The Bible? I don't know!

You be Mr. Gonzales, and I'll be Mr. Wong. Diverse.

Which one of you guys is Gunther Central Perk?

Way to be cool, man.

Okay, Who are you, the Hardy Boys?

I make $1,600 a week doing what I do. Any of you guys make that? Marry me.

Shh. We're trying to think.

Well, do you see any babies?

Some moms do that. Yeah, that's even sadder.

Cool Aunt Phoebe. I am pretty cool.

Just kidding. Ah! Oh, my God. Got you again. You're so easy.

He's such a good duck.

Somebody lose a ring? Aah!

What a baby. Total wuss.