The One with Chandler in a Box

What is the name of...your roommate who is very sorry and would do anything?

-Damn it, Chandler, stop calling. -Joey, it's Ross.

Should we all expect Christmas gifts that are stolen from your office?

Who gets whom.

I don't know why I do that.

I invented Secret Santa, you know.

You're the one who said Die Hard was your idea. It was. Don't make me show you the napkin.

We haven't eaten yet. I know, but all that work you're doing to get it ready and....

Why do you want to get rid of her so badly? She exchanges every gift she gets.

I got her that backpack and she loved it. I remember she cried when that big dog ran off with it.

There was no big dog.

This sucks! I already got her a briefcase with 'R.G.' put on it. Her initials.

Okay, I'm really bad at initials.

Yeah, well, my Camel Cash was about to expire.

You know what? It's a girlie briefcase. Who cares! He works in a museum.

People are trying to sleep in here! Monica got ice in her eye and it hurts!

Maybe you should put some ice on it.

No, my eye doctor is Richard! I can't go to him when I don't have a boyfriend. He's really picky about his patients.

Like I remember his office number! Speed dial seven.

I'm calling on behalf of Monica Geller's eye.

She's very excited about that!

Get out of my kitchen.

Yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.

I've got to call my mom and ask her a left-handed cooking question.

I don't know, R.G. I was thinking something girlie for your office.

Then you'll get stuck with Rachel, and she exchanges every gift.

Big dog?

If Chandler had kissed Rachel, would you hear him out? That's a good point.

Five years. You've sentenced him? Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

With him out of the way as my best friend, there's a spot open. Who, me? Yeah.

I'm honored. You know what I'm going to do as your best friend? I'm going to get you to talk to Chandler.

He just mumbles something in Italian. And I know he only knows the bad words.

-Gunther, have you seen Chandler? -I thought you were Chandler.

So cute that I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.

Dr. Richard Burke is out. Dr. Timothy Burke, his son, will see you now.

I won't live with someone who doesn't know what it is to be a friend.

And that chick used to be very cute.

What? We got a box.

Just probably waiting for it to open.

Like a pirate? If that helps you.

So you made her walk the plank, aye, matey?

You're not wearing the patch yet.

-He's coming here for Thanksgiving? -I know. It's sick.

If it were Greek, I'd be blind in both eyes.

I could see where I'd be your best shot, but no.

Judge all you want to. Married a lesbian, left a man at the altar...loved a gay ice dancer...threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire, live in a box!

The meaning of the box is threefold. One, it gives me the time to think about what I did. Two, it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey. And three...it hurts.

Air hole! Air hole!

The necklace I got you was gold. This is silver. Well, maybe...it changed.

Isn't it better to exchange it for something I enjoy...and can use a lot? What did you get? Credit.

I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it.

-What's? -Well, he's.... He's doing some thinking.

Fancy soap? I thought we were saving that for the pope.

Do you want a relationship where you can actually say: 'That's not how your dad used to do it'?

Sick, sick, sick, sick.

You shouldn't be talking at all. You've got too much thinking to do to be talking and joking.

Joey's got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.

Nothing's the matter with me. I'm not completely devoid of sentiment. I have feelings.

You can't tell, but I'm breaking the tension by mooning you guys.

Otherwise, you're just an idiot in a box.

Maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter.

Though you're not supposed to take these. It's, like, a million years old. We actually have people looking for that.

Even the one in the box?

-It reminded you of -Don't say it! -It did, didn't it? -Yes!

It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.

You know what's worst for me is you remind me of a younger version of my mom.

I don't want to be someone who comes between two best friends.

We're going to be fine. Get out!

She sees him! They're hugging! He's taking her purse. That's not them.

All right, get a room.