The One with Joey's Bag

Time's up! My turn. - That was half an hour? - It's your timer.

I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages.

Aah! Aah! Aah. It's so good, isn't it? I don't know what I did to deserve it.

Say goodbye to sore muscles! Goodbye, muscles!

She gives the worst massages ever. It was like she was torturing me for information.

I wanted to give it up. I just didn't know what it was!

For the first time, I'm in a real relationship. I won't screw that up by telling the truth.

Dude, look out! You almost crushed my hat. Sorry. And the bunny got away.

This would be the place where you explain the hat.

And you'll make them disappear?

Like you could find something this sophisticated.

Please, take those off!

Maybe she's with us right now.

Right. She's on a new spiritual plane and she'll come to the coffeehouse.

I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside!

Actually, it's kind of cool. Because it's like... you know, one life ends and another begins.

Not the way they're doing it.

We were in the market... and she bent down to get some yogurt and never came back up again.

The last thing she said was: 'You get the eggs, I'll get the yogurt, and we'll meet at the checkout counter.' You know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.

Really? A purse?

It's not a purse. It's a shoulder bag. - It looks like a woman's purse. - No. Trust me, all the men are carrying them in the spring catalog.

See, look. Women carrying the bag.

But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man.

Exactly. Unisex! Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.

No, Joey. U-N-I sex.

I ain't going to say no to that!

Um, no, thanks.

Didn't she die like five years ago?

I know I went to that already.

Then who's been dead? Lots of people!

Plus I'm going to a concert. I'd invite you, but, um, I only have two tickets left.

Fine. Okay, enjoy your concert. - Thanks. Enjoy your funeral!

You look just like your son, Mrs. Tribbiani.

What? Are you referring to my man's bag?

Your makeup.

Do you take Vasa or Mooster Card?

What's the part? Auntie Mame?

You-and-I sexy?

You know what? My grandma had the exact same bag!

Pulling flowers out makes the bag look masculine.

You know what? Strike that. My name, uh, actually, is Joe.

It's like it's coming right at me.

He said, um, 'Nice to meet you, Glenda.'

Just because you don't understand something, doesn't make it wrong.

You guys have to get used to the fact that Joey... comes with a bag!

I'd walk in there, I'd be like, 'Yo, Dad! You and me, outside. Right now!'

I kind of scared myself.

Well, at least you scared someone.

You'd think I'd want to rip his tiny little head off!

As a masseuse and a human... I'm begging you, never do that to anyone.

He does not like it. He's in pain! - No, he's not. - Yes, he is! - What? - I'm sorry but, ow!

And by 'we'... I mean society.

Could you try it without the purse?

Do you sell these? No, these babies sell themselves.

But I didn't read anything. I think we've seen enough.

My boyfriend said he didn't like my massages.

Oh, my God! You don't know me at all!

You give the best bad massages.

So they could call the award, 'The Monica'?

I suck!

Oh, it's, ew, used.

I guess then I would have to say C. Total abandonment.

I don't want the lipstick that much.

If she isn't, cremating her was a big mistake.

Yep, lipstick and a daughter. Big day for you.

Well, you know, in my defense, I was a lousy father.

I made up a song to sing to you, but that made you cry even more.

Sleepy girl, sleepy girl, Why won't you go to sleep? Sleepy girl, sleepy girl, You're keeping me up

To tell you the truth... they had a problem with the bag!

I just don't know if the world is ready for you and your bag.

Yeah, um, they're called wallets.