The One with the Girl Who Hits Joey

Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four, five months? That's more than most people have in a lifetime. Goodbye.

I am going on the lam.

Hey, Ross. What's up, bro?

What's going on? I think Ross knows about me and Monica.

Dude, he's right there.

You guys want to probably get some hugs in too. Big news!

I'm just talking here. He's the one doing your sister.

You know what I just realized? If you guys have kids / We're having kids? / I call godfather!

Shouldn't her brother be godfather? / Sure. If you cared enough to call it first.

You're a few steps ahead of us. / Big zero gravity moon steps.

She is so cute. You could fit her in your pocket.

She could fit in that little pocket inside the pocket.

But what? / She keeps punching me.

She's hurting me. / I know what you need. You need a bodyguard. / What is Ben doing after preschool?

Joey is having a problem. A little girl is beating him up.

[Reaction beat - Monica's sympathetic response interrupted by Katie punching Joey]

Salt, so your life always has flavor. Bread, so you never go hungry. And a scented candle for the bathroom. Because, well, you know.

Mr. President.

Well, the guy's worked here for 25 years. / Yes, but I've lived here for 25 minutes.

I mean, I don't know Howard. / Howard's the handyman. / Yes, but to me, he's just 'man.'

Can you believe that guy? / I really like his glasses.

A little kid spit on my knee. And told me to wipe it off with my $100 bill.

You really should wipe it off with something.

If you want them to like you, why don't you just pay the $100? / The party will cost you more. / That doesn't matter! It's my principles!

I thought it was about your neighbors liking you. / They'll like me once they come to my awesome party.

And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law.

I see two Monicas. My friend who lives across the hall and wants a lot of babies. And the new Monica who I started to date. Now, who is to say what she wants?

I'm completely different from Richard. He's an eye doctor, and I don't wear glasses.

Not unless different means 'the same.'

You know, bread-stick fangs are always funny. / No, you make them funny. You're the funny one!

...it feels like I'm being hit with a very tiny but a very real bat!

Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun of me because of my size!

Yeah, here, somewhere else. You know, wherever.

Just hanging out. Having fun with the girl that I'm seeing casually.

Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever!

Why don't we turn the heat down on this pressure cooker!

And that the only baby here is you? Did you know I can't even look at you now?

I did not know that.

Who? Two divorces and Joey?

She's right, you know? / Yeah, but still, cheap shot!

Or you would have seen a Chandler-shaped hole in that door.

I'm just the exotic, generous stranger. That's always fun to be.

Okay, my bad.

Listen, is it obvious I'm wearing six sweaters? / But it's not obvious why.

...when I take away the Joey love?

Oh, right. I forgot that you call it that.

...I think you're the one that is too much.

[Katie kicks Rachel - physical comedy beat]

Do something or I'll walk out that door right now. / Are you going to?

But you came off as the bad guy. / I told it wrong.

3B. / You got your free food. You ruined everyone's fun. Isn't it time you went home? / Go back to 3B, 3B.

He raised his own hand when I asked, 'Who likes Ross?' And he's wearing two nametags.

Kurt? I thought, abrasive drunk. Lola? Mind-numbingly stupid. You guys. Gold digger, cradle-robbing perv.

Obviously, I didn't think they would throw things.

I thought if I kept insulting them you'd defend them. Then you'd look like the hero.

What a bad idea. / I can't not look at it.

The best reason is pregnancy.

Sorry is fourth, behind being ready and actually wanting to get married.

I'm kind of wishing everyone wasn't here now.

How long is this going to go on? / I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you were. So a long time.

This is fun! / Remember that 'we were on a break' thing? / I'm sorry. Will you marry me?