The One with the Yeti

Hey, hey, hey, hey. None of that. Not while you're living under my roof.

Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman.

And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition.

I can hear that.

I can still hear you.

A year ago I didn't even have a family and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud.

Oh, God! Aah!

Oh, soft.

Yeah, just some 9-year-old Filipino kids who worked their fingers bloody for 12 cents an hour.

That didn't happen, I made that up.

So basically this is a 'getting rid of anything Rachel ever touched' sale.

Touched, used, sat on, slept on... I'll take it all.

When my friend Sylvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green.

Emily thinks Ross' furniture has got Rachel cooties?

Yeah, I know. We're losing Ross, Joey said 'hence.'

But, you know, I'm an actor. I'll act cool.

I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the poison?

Fog him! Fog him!

You're on in five, Ms. Minnelli.

I've been given the gift of time.

That's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum.

He was like this crazy-eyed, hairy beast-man. He was like a Bigfoot or a yeti or something.

Yeah, I pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass.

Ugh, please. We did not fog Danny.

You know, you always stick up for the people we fog.

We actually thought you were like a yeti or something. Okay.

I don't think that we can accept your acceptance of our apology. It just doesn't really seem like you mean it.

Really. What is with that guy? I mean, you'd forgive me if I fogged you. Well, you did, a little bit.

Well, he said that he would cremate my fur coat for free if I, um, you know, bring in the next person I know who dies.

Not nature. Fashion.

Okay, so to you, death is fashion? That's really funny. Yeah, here's Phoebe, uh, sporting, you know, cutting-edge hairy carcass from, you know, the steel traps of wintry Russia.

Because I do.

So rocks.

We all hate Emily.

You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much.

Well, ahem, I've been reading up, and for your information, minks are not very nice.

It's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley. Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine.

Absolutely. Some people are just into appearances.

You know, I could have toys for underprivileged kids in here. Do you? Well, you know, if kids like to play with capri pants.

And stop saying that. I hate that. Okay.

That pizza place across the street any good? What? I'm hungry. You wanna get some pizza? You can keep yelling if there's more.

It's not like I'm wearing a seeing-eye dog coat.

That yeti is one smooth talker.

You see, Rach, I'm an actor.

Oh, God. I really missed that fat bastard.

Well, I can tell you for damn sure who's not here, and that's Rachel.

You can totally tell. Here, look, watch me. Smile. Frown. Smile. Frown. Smile.

This is mink, okay? They're mean, and they hate squirrels.

And, you know, most of these probably wanted to be coats.