The One with Phoebe's Cookies

Chandler gets glasses and his friends don't notice

Eyes. No, no. Your eyes! No. Chandler's eyes!

You always had glasses. No, I didn't. Are you sure?

They were really round and burgundy, and they made you look kind of.... Feminine. Yes! No.

If someone wants to give us a present, we can't deprive them of that joy.

Unless someone borrowed it and left it at the gynecologist. Yeah, and by 'someone' she means Joey.

What we want, honey. No, you don't want this.

Dying people say the craziest things.

Our kids are gonna be fat, aren't they?

Why would I do that? It took three guys to get the thing in there.

It's good that you finally have a place to do that.

Your own boat? He was trying to cheer me up. My pony was sick.

You know what I was thinking? What? Nothing, I just like to go like this.

He doesn't ask just anyone to play. He didn't ask for you. He asked for 'Chauncey.' I assumed he meant you.

Or you could sit on the porch and make sure no one steals the trashcans. He does that every week too.

You're not a lefty? Does anybody know me?

No! Why didn't you make a copy and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least 100 yards away from the original?

Because I'm normal.

An old cookie? This is what happens when you don't register for gifts.

We can't accept this. Why not? Because it's gross.

Two! I've been engaged twice.

Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway? That is the Coast Guard.

The coast is all the way over there.

Boat rope? Wrong! How do you get the mainsail up? Rub it?

I say, 'Come again?' I know this one. I know this one.

I want to make a ship-to-shore call to Chandler.

That and arrogance.

Women are mean!

I wish you a long and happy marriage.

Chandler accidentally sits on Monica's dad in steamy sauna

You gave my father a lap dance.

Because otherwise they'd have to call it the 'room' room.

I know you wanted to bond with my dad, but did you have to bond to that part?

He still tells the story about how Monica tried to escape from fat camp. I wasn't escaping. Then how'd you get caught in the barbed wire? I was trying to help out a squirrel. You were trying to eat it.

Aren't you a little overdressed? You better make sure he tips you this time.

And by 'face,' I don't mean his lap. And by 'face,' I don't mean my ass.

Hey, they didn't get us anything. Thank you!

I don't know the boat way to say this, but never!

But you couldn't move because you were wearing three life jackets. You have to respect the sea.

Six and a half. You knocked the last one out of my hand, remember?

You'll be topless? Joey! You want me to learn?

What for, a bake sale? No, just a Friday night.

Batch 16. Sixteen, people, get out of the way!

Why not just say left? Okay, go to the left. The left. Just sit over there!

We did that when that bird flew over with the fish in his mouth. Did you see it? It was gross.

I did not see the bird or the fish! I did not see the piece of Styrofoam shaped like Mike Tyson!

Greens don't quit! Greens? I'm a Tribbiani. Tribbianis quit.

Oh, my God. I just said, 'Greens don't quit,' didn't I?

No, I'm not yelling at you. I'm just yelling near you.

I know port is right. Left. Damn it!

Looking up? She was really nice to me, but she's in hell for sure.

And that's not happening till October 15, 2032. That's the day you're gonna die? I've got shuffleboard that day.

That's what you think.

My grandmother said she got it from her grandmother, 'Nestley Toulouse.'

You Americans always butcher the French language.

You see, it is stuff like this which is why you're burning in hell!

So if you ever see me giving them legal advice, just nod along.

Sandwiches! What else?

Not like that. You're letting all the good stuff fall out. Careful! You're wasting good pastrami!

Oh, my God. I'm my dad!