The One with the Sharks

Can you believe no one between my apartment and here offered to do that for me? People.

But am I ready to take my Grade A loins off the meat market?

I know. You are a bit of a drama queen.

There isn't! That's what I'm saying. -Oh, my God, you're right!

Oh, my God! I want to trade lives with Ross?!

Do you have a compact in your purse? -No. You look great.

Joey, I am not going to objectify women with you. But if her face is as nice as her ass... Mama!

Damn it. I'm gonna have to start listening when he talks about his job.

You should bring your black see-through teddy with the attached garters. -How do you know I have one of those? -Didn't until just now.

Hot. Not hot. Hot! Excuse me? I said that I think you're hot. And...now I'm embarrassed.

Look, I don't normally ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses. Gesundheit.

Did I--? Did I actually ask you? That's just where you were going. I figured I'd help you out.

You should see someone about that cold. If it gets much worse, you could die.

Would you call this girl: 'Thanks for...a lovely...evening'?

We are a rare breed.

Do you have any cake?

I think I've been scared by that painting before.

No, we didn't do it here...which is weird, because it seems like a perfectly good place. That's why.

Unless... You're not gonna try and get me to join a cult, are you? No, it's just, you know, you have that look. Damn Supercuts!

You or the four other Mike Hanigans I bothered.

vis-a-vis...the following. Phoebe has never had a serious relationship...since...her super-serious relationship...with...Vikram.

Vikram? What? That's a real name.

Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas? Seven o'clock. Maybe I'll hit the gym. Who am I kidding? Pay-per-view porn.

Yeah, everything's great. I was just...watching some regular television there. What a pleasant surprise.

he was getting off...to a shark-attack show! -No! -Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!

You promised to love him no matter what. 'What' means, like, if he gets a disease or kills someone. Not if he gets his jollies to Jaws.

I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend...that he was an archaeologist, and I was this...naughty cavewoman who he unfroze from a block of ice. Are you talking about my brother?

But she should remember sleeping with me. I am very memorable! -How do we know? -We've never slept with you. -And whose fault is that?

I never have an off night. Okay? Although, sometimes if I'm a little bloated, I don't feel that sexy. But even then, I'm better than most!

No salt! Bloaty!

You don't think sharks are sexy, do you? No. Wait a minute. Wait, what was the Little Mermaid?

If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend...I swear to Lucifer...a rabid dog would be feasting on your danglers right now!

He's a kite designer. And he used to date Oprah.

I'll go on walking tours with widows and lesbians.

I'm trying to remember the last time I opened a door and you weren't there.

Vikram just called.

Joey? I slept with you! And you obviously remember me! Hey, I still got it!

You gave up that right when you slept with Rachel. RacheI? I thought she just had a baby with Ross. Yeah, well...But Emma's birth certificate might say 'Geller'...but her eyes say 'Mukherjee.'

That is so wrong. And on top of that, he's a glue sniffer?

And you don't have to worry about glue-sniffing with me. Although, I do smell the occasional Magic Marker.

Can I think it's cool that you kissed me...and also want to kiss you again? And be a little concerned about the Magic Markers?

This is Vikram.

Well, well, well. It must be 5:00 in Tulsa...because it's 'sex o'clock' in N.Y.C.!

This is the only one they had at our video store. Though they did have something called Crocodile Killers. Or does it always have to be sharks?

Do you want me to get into the tub and...thrash?

I saw what you were doing in Tulsa. Angry sharks turn you on!

Yes. Just some good, old-fashioned, American, girl-on-girl action.

I'm very, very drunk right now.

You're in your 30s and you have never been in a long-term relationship. Here you go from woman to woman...meaningless experience to meaningless experience. Never even worrying that it doesn't turn into something more serious. You're right. I love my life!