The One with Phoebe's Birthday Dinner

It's just spooky, that's all.

I'd get mad at him, but I think it's too soon to show my true colors.

Which one of us should go to dinner? / Rachel!

Thanks. I'll put a lot of extra thought into your gift.

What are you talking about? We're together now. / Mon? Chandler's not here.

Oh, dear God.

Well, don't believe everything you hear, Ken. But yeah, that's true.

Claudia, aren't you supposed to blow smoke up the boss's ass?

Would Joey like two pizzas?

I've always liked you, Ken.

Wow. So glad I changed. I almost wore my threadbare robe that can't contain my breasts.

Unless, I mean, if it helps, I could stay and watch.

Well, I didn't want to anyway. You know, just thought I'd be polite and offer.

Happy humping.

For example, in Hawaii, cigarettes are called lei-lana-lukus.

And the breasts of a Greek goddess.

No, thanks, I'm good.

All right, the truth is... I soiled myself during some turbulence.

Yes. But I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. A pack. Two pack-- A carton. Three big fat cartons in two days!

Well, the first one is, I don't want to. And second one, I'm not going.

You only hear Monica's side of that. Okay, that little fatso was a terror!

Really, the world is your oyster. Kick up your heels. Paint the town red!

You need to learn some new slang.

Yeah, hit the bricks! Tell your story walking!

I was just going to say that I left my keys.

Holy moley, are we in a pickle now!

What about me? I only had one lunch today.

Yes, they are expected presently. Yeah. Their arrival is in the offing.

Joseph! One needn't worry. They shan't be long.

Oh, one really does have a stick up one's ass, doesn't one?

Where the little kid walks through Grandpa? It's chilling!

Willpower? I've watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs without taking the tinfoil off! / You said that was sexy!

Not really sure what to do now.

All right, fine, I'll do it, but no talking! And no cuddling. And no kissing your neck. Oh, good! I hate it when you do that! And lots of kissing your neck!

I would, but I bruise like a peach.

What if she jumps out of the bassinet? / Can't hold her head up, but jumped.

You haven't cooked since 1996.

Listen. What? What? A pigeon. No. No, wait, no. An eagle flew in! Landed on the stove and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid...

Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true.

Well, how about this? Another table leaves, right, but there's still some food left on their plates. Okay, what's the restaurant's policy about people eating that? / It's frowned upon. / But it happens.

If you ask me to stay, I'll pee.

Okay, fine, I'll move. All right. You don't have to manhandle me.

That depends. Will your friend stop drinking olive oil directly from the bottle? / Probably not.

Spend more time with the tie! That will make a baby.

That was a celebration of life!

And if I do, I promise I will hide it so much better from you.

One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor. And he got so upset he took off all his clothes, tucked his willy between his legs, and cried out, 'Mommy, I'm a girl. Take me with you.'

Somehow, over time, it got easier to be apart from you.

You tricked me to get me into bed? / That's right. I got mine.

Now, let's go, baby. It's food time. Bring it, bitch.

What did I ever do to you? / Nothing, bitch.

That's a great story. Can I eat it?

Never hit a woman. Never hit a woman.

Ross bruises like a peach. He bruises like a peach.

I would never lie to get someone into bed. / You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy.

And I suppose that Monica will have the manipulative shrew.

How did I miss that? / I'll give you another minute. / What, where you going? He said she wanted the shrew!

You mean the willy story? / They already know it.

Chandler, control your woman.

Oh, for God's sake, Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock!

Did my little outburst blunt the hideousness that is this evening?

Pheebs, I don't think that's us. / Oh, well, this is-- This is not over! Hello?

Oh, yeah, that's what she says. / Maybe you're not ovulating. Maybe it's a clever ruse to get me into bed. / Yeah, Smokey, that's what it was. I just can't get enough.

What's the matter with me? Why am I such a girl?

I'm not the-- I'm not the kind of girl that just ditches her friends to be with her boyfriend. You know what? I am.

That's a good idea. Our babysitter just pounded another chardonnay.

Actually, Richard was a Kennedy on his mother's side. / Why did you break up with that guy?

Dinner for six for one. Well, you boys are about to see something really special.

The shrew, in particular, was exquisite.

This is the best birthday ever!