Frank Is in a Coma

Oh, it tastes like cardboard.

Character:Nobody gives a shit about cake, Frank.

I threw it in the dumpster.

That's exactly where I got it.

You going in the dumpsters these days? That's kinda my turf, no?

I mean, a bunch of rich assholes dressed to the nines, eating great food, talking about multimillion-dollar business deals.

That sounds awesome.

That sounds really fun.

Mac:That sounds awesome.

Dennis:That sounds really fun.

Character:You think we can't figure out what is or is not cake, Frank? That's so stupid.

Why can't you just die and leave us your money, you know? Like every normal human being

If it hurts, why you laughing?

Uh-oh.

I've seen him go into a coma, like, every single night, and he always pops right up in the morning.

Well, that's just sleep.

You're describing sleep.

No, we could. We just get a big battery or something, like a Tesla battery.

No. That's so stupid. They don't make batteries that big. Gonna have to get a generator.

Dee:Yeah, that's me. What'd I win?

Maybe because you tickled the man to death.

Where's the expression come from? 'Tickle a man to death.' - 'Tickled to death.' That's a thing.

Well, there aren't chairs. There's a chair, and it's covered in wax.

I believe that's cheese.

I don't want to sit in cheese either.

Yeah. Like a Starbucks for dive bars.

schools, churches, like, little...

And women ruin everything, we know that.

This woman does.

All women, kind of.

Dennis:It was like dude, dude, dude, dude, woman. Right?

Dee:Headed down to South America. Gonna get some cosmetic surgery done on the cheap. I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say I'll probably need two seats on the flight back.

Dee:I'm getting my ass done. Ooh. I might get a foot reduction while I'm down there too. Although, you know what? That's not a good idea. No, I'm gonna need these feet to carry that big fat ass around.

Why?

Well, we're, like, the Smuckers brothers. We're purveyors of fine jellies and jams from the Deep South.

I think that you are confusing... The Smuckers brothers with the Smothers Brothers who were a folk singing duo from the '50s.

Shit. Yeah.

And they were, I think, Canadian.

Charlie:I don't feel comfortable playing myself.

I don't feel comfortable playing myself. We haven't done that in ages, man.

Mikey, they hate these Chardonnays. I need something nicer.

Dee:You sound like you're on the Titanic.

Dee:Five bucks! Five bucks I found!

The tuxes definitely make us look like bathroom attendants.

A hundred percent. Like he locked us in a zoo and then now he's released us out into the Serengeti to be devoured.

Dennis:The tuxes definitely make us look like bathroom attendants.

I dismantle companies, sell the scraps for a marginal profit.

No, no, I wasn't taking a shit. I was just... I was doing cocaine.

No, no, I wasn't taking a shit. I was just... I was doing cocaine.

Did you hear what he said, 'soulless reptiles'?

Pizzagate!

No, no.

Yeah. They're lizards!

Dee:BigAssButts? 1973? Goddamn it!

Dee:I'll kick you a few CCs, and then you and me will take our brand-new dumpers and we'll just go, you know, flaunting around Copacabana Beach.

Dee:Frank, if you can hear me, I'm taking your big butt magazine! It's mine now!

Simon:Crystal meth?

Oh.

Simon:Can you remind me what you guys, uh, do again?

Simon:You like my money.

It's not...

Simon:You meet me in a bathroom, you do my drugs, and then I bleed green for you, for your fucking bar?

Simon:I like you, guys! I would fucking love to give you money.

Dee:This was his most prized possession?

♪ Follow the yellow brick road, my boys ♪

What's the password?

Narcan.

Well, that's a bit unsettling.

Narcan?

We're in, boys.

All right.

We're in.

Isn't that what they give you when you OD or something?

Yeah.

What's the password?

Narcan.

Well, that's a bit unsettling.

Simon:Take an idea and fuck me with it.

Okay, yeah. Sure...

Right now?

Well, we just have the...

Simon:Don't overthink it, just fuck me. Fuck me with an idea.

Tastes sweet.

What do you mean?

Is he supposed to taste sweet? Shouldn't it be salty, if anything?

Dee:Tastes sweet.

What do you mean?

Is he supposed to taste sweet?

Shouldn't it be salty, if anything?

Cake. It's cake.

I'm cake.

What is happening?

Frank:I tricked you guys. You said you could tell the difference between what was cake and what was not cake, and you couldn't. Ha!

Frank:I commissioned a cake. I rented all of this hospital equipment, and I even had to draw that little stupid drawing with you and me holding hands. "I love Daddy. I love you, Daddy."

You cried over a cake.

Like Starbucks for dive bars?

He gets it. Yes.

Frank:It's a terrible idea. I hate that idea.

It's a stupid idea, man.

That's a dumb, dumb idea.