The Gang Exploits a Miracle

Dad, will you look at Sweet Dee's skin and tell me it's not blotchy?

Do I have to listen to this shit all morning?

I found some extensive water damage in the back office

maybe I'm not such a bad guy... for passing out in there and drinking too much or whatever

That is the Virgin Mary

Listen. It could be a miracle. It could be bullshit. There's only one thing we know for sure... It's a goddamn gold mine.

I'd just finished praying on my rosaries. And I was doing some crunches, you know, working on my abs.

Did my face look fat?

Well, what price can one put on the viewing of a miracle?

I only made four dollars, Deandra

Taking advantage of the mother of God. Are you kidding me? That is a water stain, man.

I was the only other person in physical therapy with you

I called it from across the bar, even without the cripple braces

does my face look fat to you?

What did we call you in high school? Rickety Cricket, dude!

remember how you would pass out at parties... and Dennis would tea-bag you?

Everybody loved those photos, Matty... My balls on your chin... I got a whole shoe box of those things

Hey, you still get balls-to-the-chin cracks? / No. Actually, that was a long time ago.

why did you pause before you said 'no' earlier?

Remember the time you said you'd kiss him... if he ate a horse turd? He ate the whole turd.

The priest may not do it because she's getting old... Your skin's all blotchy... You got the crow's-feet

I kind of led you on a little bit back then, didn't I?

You do realize you're leading me on right now? I'm a priest.

Could you bless me, please?... In the name of the Father, the Son, Holy Spirit. Amen.

I may have saved that poor, wretched old person's life

you could be my Peter... Dress a little nicer though, 'cause you look like shit

I've been fasting for three days, so I probably look good

It's 'cause we said his face looks fat

The cats are brown

The cats are brown. / What? / The cats are brown.

This guy's perfect. Let's go clean him up.

What are you doing? - What is that? - Why are you dressed like this? - Come on. It's perfect. I told you to dress nice. We look like salt and pepper shakers.

We look like salt and pepper shakers

I don't know who my father is... so am I the messiah?

I'm in love with a man... a man called God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God?

Let's go toe-to-toe on the Bible, bitch

Let's go toe-to-toe on the Bible, bitch. / Ask and ye shall receive, sucker.

And, oh, Matty, I mean you could really, really have me

And, oh, Matty, I mean you could really, really have me.

But what's in between the lines? / What's in between the lines is that he has to take off his damn sandals because it's sacred ground. / No! Sacred ground? Sacred ground? God doesn't worship the ground. God made the ground.

God doesn't think Moses is gonna do it... God is gonna reward him with some sweet-ass shoes

Trust in God, he'll give you shoes

Ooh, cats! And they're brown!

because you're a bad person

The Virgin Mary has left us! She abandoned us 'cause we listen to a false prophet!

No! No, get away from there! Get him away! Back off. Oh. What did you do, you shithead? You ruined it!

I felt safe saying those things in the first place

You know what would make you feel better? You wanna tea-bag Dennis?