Who Pooped the Bed?

Yeah, you're asking us to predict the future, Dee. How can I predict the future?

Dee, you tried this shit 30 years ago when that show first came on the air.

I did not poop the bed! / Did you say something about pooping in a bed?

Well, yesterday we wake up and there's a piece of poop right in the middle of me and Frank, okay?

So we threw the first piece of poop out 'cause big deal, whatever. Accidents happen, right?

Now, the second poop, you held onto it, right? Brought it along.

Dee, when we said we can't predict the future, how could we possibly have seen something this awesome coming?

You're not going to go out with me tonight 'cause these idiots found two poopies in a bed?

But it's not the poop. It's the mystery behind the poop.

Why did you jump out from behind a car? Were you stalking me?

That's the way girls are. We're catty. We backstab and talk about each other behind our backs and stalk.

I read all about it in the notebook Charlie keeps of your whereabouts.

Frederick is your cat and he died three weeks ago.

We want you to examine our poopie.

You have a hole in the back of your pajamas. / It's not my poop! / You've been sleeping in a giant dress shirt.

I feel like you're going to say something else right there and then you stopped, right? / Please get out of my lab.

You just missed out on an extraordinary adventure, pal.

You got turd? / Yeah, we got a turd. / I'll take a look at it.

Whoever it was seems to have been eating newspaper.

Which one of you idiots was eating a goddamn newspaper? / It's gonna go both ways, dude.

This appears to be a piece of a credit card. / Inconclusive. / How is that not specific to one of you?

This is wolf hair. / Wolf air. / Also inconclusive.

There is so much wolf hair in our apartment right now, man. / But why are you eating it? / Well, you ingest everything. / Both of you are eating wolf?

No, I'm an Econ major. I just wanted to look at some poop.

I'm gonna take off my bra, blast my nips.

Burmington Coat Factory. I got it on sale. It's irregular.

Yeah, well, I have a drinking problem.

Nothing with 'bombs' in the name, okay?

Name's Artemis. I have a bleached asshole.

My legs get hot.

Oh, maybe I'll get two TVs and two refrigerators. / Do we come to your house and tell you how to sleep?

Dennis on his bed made for kings with his toilet made out of gold.

Charlie, we sleep ass to ass, you know that.

I sleep in a king-sized bed by myself. When I have to go to the bathroom, I use a toilet.

It smells like some kind of spice blend or pesticide, or some other kind of sandy poison or something.

And you, you shouldn't be drinking in a shoe store.

13. / We don't carry shoes that large. Perhaps you'd like to try the Big and Tall store down the street?

Probably protecting me. I spent a lot of money today.

Frank, I will jam that poop right back up your ass where it came from.

I could probably squeeze something out. / I'll get some newspaper.

He was turtle-heading.

I'm just gonna go get more wasted, and then I'm gonna bang some rim, dude.

This is an interesting piece. / I love his use of space. / Look at the rich texture, the dimensions. / It's almost as if you can smell it.

It's almost as if it exploded out of the artist. / Well... I think it's crap.

Four turds, five suspects, so many, many nameless victims.

Tall order for such a short man.

And like a small brown snail... it crept to the middle between Charlie and Frank.

And like a small brown snail... it crept to the middle between Charlie and Frank.

The outcast? The slut? The bitch. The whore. The lonely, sad, slutty, bitchy whore.

Thunder of the... chocolate variety.

Known the world over for his ability to replicate any man's stool, Cricket came back and committed fecal forgery.

A turd merger... fused together by fear and hatred... and hair.

I did it. / I did 'em all. / I did everyone of them. / I even did one, while she was rappin us, right here.

Because poop is funny.