The Set Up

Brooks Brothers. Bought it right off the mannequin.

I've been getting a lot of visitors recently, thanks to a stupid and worthless new push to make government officials more accessible to the public.

I made this in one of your pottery classes. It's terrible.

This is my hell.

No dressing, no cheese, no croutons, no taste.

Salami on pumpernickel with olive juice and extra iceberg.

I just wish I'd liked it.

I asked the police department if I could have it and they said no, so I stole it.

Although that's pretty much why I broke up with Andy. He lived way too close to me.

So?

In the eight years I've been at the job, I've saved the taxpayers of this city more than 150 grand. But now, I need the taxpayers' money to save me from the taxpayers.

This looks like an ad for nothing.

Please be careful with it, it's my only copy.

Is a friend of mine! That's my motto, too.

Is it locking up the bad guys or keeping them on the streets?

it was invented to warm up baby bottles.

You are wearing the hell out of that suit, sir. Banana, two-button.

I come in, like, two hours late because I had to finish watching Swimfan because it was on, and everyone, like, jumped down my throat.

I have been writing a lot of songs about shining shoes lately. I tend to write about what I'm doing.

Talking about writing about what I'm doing. Now I'm singing about talking about writing about what I'm doing

He has the brains of George Clooney in the body of Joe Biden.

Interesting. That's uh, weird.

I don't want to date a twin, 'cause I've been tricked before.

Ron Solo!

Yeah, my friends know that I have a strict no call policy.

Oh, damn, now I have to go back.

Well done, Ann. I actually heard that.

You know, isn't it funny how these setups are always just so awkward?

I will now extinguish this candle with my bare hand.

It looked so much easier on the Internet.

Oh no thanks. I'm not thirsty.

He practically saved my life. He was, like, the only cool dude at my high school.

I got a nightclub opening to go to. Which tie do I wear?

That was a trick question. The answer's this one.

Did you ever see that movie The Matrix? 99% real.

or the potatoes or this candle or this beer or this flower or this bread.

Yeah but what's inside that bread? Could be cheese.

Frankly, I don't want to invest in someone who only has three months to live.

And how creepy their grandfather was.

Sometimes smiling is read as AIDS.

I wait eight weeks and I text her, 'What's cracking?'

Covering for me at any legally dicey situations.

In the immortal words of Rod Blagojevich, 'It's a (fucking) valuable thing. You just don't give it away for nothing.'

You got a big, industrial-sized oven.

Leslie is a notoriously cruel and thoughtless person.

We almost wheeled you out of here in a chair.

Imagine if you had spent rest of your life sipping a steak through a straw.

and I'll wait respectful amount of time. I don't know, maybe?

I should have noticed that you're missing a heart.

Hey, do you mind if we pick up my son Nate at his basketball game on the way back?

Ooh you slept together? What? Not sexually. God what's wrong with you, Tom?

Seems like the shoe is in the other foot. And the guy who polishes shoes is now me.

I would say, in terms of guys that she's in love with, Justin's up here, I'm up here, and then you're down here.

Well, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't crazy, so, naturally, I came to you for reassurance.

Maybe if you had, I wouldn't have left.

Well, frankly, I would like to hit that, but Ann's being a little weird about it.

Two, who is that hot intern chick out there? Because honestly, damn!

I want to punch you in the face so bad right now.

If anyone comes to see you, I'll scare them away.

You're hired.

I'm back on the horse, and this horse is a lawyer, so I'm looking forward to riding him. No, wait.

Ten months ago, she was an intern who could give a C-R-A-P about local government. Now, she's our newest employee.

Attagirl.