Greg Pikitis

Greg Pikitis. You're the Parks lady, right? Yeah, that's right. I'm the Parks lady.

He's like an invisible, adolescent, James Bond super villain criminal mastermind.

Or maybe someone else is doing it, but I really feel like it's this kid.

Thanks for stopping by, Leslie. You look great. Thank you. Ends today.

Hey, slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year.

Who's not invited, then? Hey! What's going on, cupcake?

Can't wait to see how tiny your costume is.

That looks like something you would find on the wall of a serial killer. In a way, that's a compliment.

But more importantly, Greg Pikitis sucks, and I wanna destroy him.

Didn't, like, 30 people die in that fire? He wasn't Superman.

He looks like Ron Swanson. Is that who this is based on? No. It's based on William Percy. Were you listening to what I just said?

A week ago I had nothing. Now, I have a part-time job. I'm gonna make $32 tonight. I owe Leslie everything I have. Which, after tonight, will be $39.

You're a doctor. Yup. I meant your costume. I got it.

Worlds colliding, always awkward.

And she made out with me in my cop car, which is pretty neat. I shouldn't have said that. That's clear to me now.

I did. I'm a straight person.

Last year, I saw three Jonas Brothers make out with three Robert Pattinsons. It was amazing.

So, you kind of dropped the ball with Andy then, didn't you?

Turdish? Yes. Like a turd. Like a little turd.

Pikitis!

This is his ace of spades. This is his calling card. This is what he leaves all his victims.

You're not. Hey. Yeah, I'm gonna leave. Oh. Okay. This isn't that fun.

I'm gonna take this home. Nobody was drinking it, so I'm gonna take it. Okay. Gonna take this, too. Been meaning to read it.

You have a scary face. Hey! No, in a good way. Scary cute.

This isn't one-way glass, you know. I can see you.

I screw with her 'cause she gets all riled up, and her face gets all scrunched up like this.

And almonds give me the squirts.

My name is Bert Macklin. I'm with the FBI.

This is not a stripper. It's my wife, Wendy. You remember her? She's a surgeon at County General, and she's super hot.

Oh, my God. Who'd be boring enough to do that?

Okay. The gloves are coming off.

Never mind that I was actually eating a plum when you saw me earlier.

If you followed me all night then you know that it wasn't me.

Look, I will waterboard you. No, no. I don't think she would make a good cop.

Ron Swanson's in the building, y'all!

Bert Macklin, FBI.

The President of the United States of America.

Yeah, it was bad FBI work, too. My bad.

Tonight, the 'T' in T-Pain stands for Tom Haverford!

Yeah, but you were probably a nerd, though, huh? Hey. Leslie, I mean that in a good way.

What? No. I'm dating Ann. Good. That was a test. You passed.

I'd hate for you to have to go back to Canada. All that socialized medicine up there.

This is for pooping on the handball court!

This is really fun! But I don't condone it!

About to head home and have crazy sex. That's cool. I don't... Yeah!

Did he hire a fake mom again, to get him out of trouble? What? Whenever he gets in trouble, he goes on Craigslist and hires a woman to play his mother and bail him out.

Oh, that little SOB! Greg! Gregory!

I'm not even in the FBI, stupid.

How did that little turd do it?