Ms. Knope Goes To Washington

That building looks like a boob.

Yeah, well, it's not. Oh, yeah, I know. It's the White House. No. It's the Capitol.

Now, throw it away, because Leslie Knope is your guidebook. I didn't... I didn't mean literally. I had some notes in it.

There's a mall? That's awesome. I need to get some flip-flops.

You're going to throw the Leslie Knope Employment Enjoyment SummerSlam Grill Jam Fun-splosion?

Parks and Dolls! I got your park right here / Its name is Ramsett Park / And its gates are open from dawn till dark

Barbecues should be about one thing. Good shared meat.

Well, Ron, can we at least have corn on the cob? No.

How do I know this isn't a treasure map just waiting to be unfurled? Because it's gum. That's gum.

Leslie, this is a really cool penis but Ben and April are meeting us at the Smithsonian in 10 minutes.

Way to be, Ron! You're really getting it done, man! He can't hear me.

His name is Tom. Burn. Seriously? No, I understand that it's hilarious. But that is his given Christian name.

Which one of you youngsters wants to help me drain the blood from this animal? If you do a good job, I'll give you the bladder. You can blow it up for a fun play ball.

This just says, 'I can do what I want.' I am the director of the Parks Department and this is a park.

Sir, you protect our nation's history and you're a hero. Yeah. A hero with something to hide. Like probably a treasure map.

We were going to have sex. Okay.

Were you talking to my butt? Yes.

It feels like I just exercised. Just sit on the ground. No, Jerry. It's dirty and I'm wearing my summer linens.

That's not a picnic blanket. That's a merino wool throw for my Eames chair.

Ann and Tom, A.K.A. Haverkins, is stronger than ever.

Let's move in together. Totally. No take-backs when we sober up, though, partner. No take-backs, partner.

More importantly, I bet Donna $1,000 that we'd be together for another month. I can't stress this enough. If she finds out that we broke up, I'll go bankrupt.

Tommy's got the tum-rums.

You can get water from that water fountain and use it to water down the beer. Why not just give the kids water? I suppose you could do that.

But by the time this day is over, they will have been taken by the grill and delicately and tenderly shown the ways of flavorful meat-love.

Ben and I are a power couple, like the Roosevelts or the Clintons... Oh, wait. We do. Three, four...

Oh. Most people just mail their applications in. I'm not most people.

You know, there's a CD inside that plays the sound of a babbling river... I was also going to show a DVD that had some images of frolicking river otters.

Is that Pawnee, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma, or Texas?

Ben, you're fired. It's my office now. Boom!

Could we just real quick stop at the nearest place that has free pants?

I smuggled in some candy. Oh, thank God. I'm starving. Raisins? It's nature's candy.

Did you put glitter in the laundry detergent? Oh, Yeah. I'm experimenting with some new entrepreneurial ideas. That one is called 'SparkleSuds. Dress Loud.'

This morning, you put glitter in the butter. 'Disco Dairy. Spread the Party.' No, that's not a good idea. That's terrible.

I love politics. Look. I made a shrimp claw. I'm really proud of you, babe. Now, put your used plate in my purse. I almost have a complete set.

My grandma is on the city council in her town. It gives her a reason to leave the house.

And I was mistaken for Beverly D'Angelo by a Japanese tourist.

I gave them to the kids. They love them. They're skipping them across the pond.

Ron, if no one takes me to the bathroom, I'm just going to have to go in the trees.

Does anybody feel like they can't breathe? I think I need some fresh air. We're outside.

It's like C-SPAN and Neiman Marcus had kids or something.

We're overrun with raccoons and obese toddlers.

I thought you'd enjoy meeting numbers 4 and 26 on Leslie's List of Amazing Women.

I put glitter in all your moisturizers and lotions. I'm calling it 'SparkleSkin by Annie. Twinkle, Twinkle, Big Star.'

As someone who has lied a lot about various aspects of a myriad of relationships, I respect the effort you've gone to.

I combined all of the giant, dark-haired smartphone power Goddesses into one woman called Hot Rebecca.

Everything is going to be fine with you and Ben because if I know Ben, he, too, is an amalgam. No. Yeah. Point is you're better than Hot Rebecca. You're Kickass Leslie. Nope. ...an amalgam. Nailed it.

My nomination was 'Jerry accidentally forwards his bank statement to everyone.' Classic. And depressing.

Oh, my God. The smell is so much worse when you get up close. Yeah. Oh! Look. A handgun! I call it!

The White House, America's most whitest house. Most notably is where Sinbad lived in the film, First Kid.

Do you know why it's called the Oval Office? No. Because of a man. Oval Redenbacher. What? The popcorn inventor. He used to hang out with John F. Kennedy.

This tour guide is the most amazing tour guide there ever was. Please. Step up. $200 cash up front.