Soda Tax

"Box 1 of 12"?

"I've been wearing a bandana as underwear for three days now."

Look, there's a picture. Ah! That's horrifying.

I love him so much.

What did you put in the sugar? It's so good.

Paunch Burger, Big and Wide, The Fat Sack, Coronel Plum's Slop Trough

which was formerly Sue's Salads until we ran that out of town

Number two is right.

Get me a refill.

definitely no Papyrus

Papyrus? Are you kidding me? There's no place for that in a professional office setting.

they call me Devo, 'cause I can "whip 'em good."

13's just obnoxious.

Community college. Eh, that's too far.

Andy demonstrates his one push-up ability

That's a typo, right? I mean, that's humanly impossible.

Oh, do you mean the "li'I swallow"?

Some girls buy them for their dollhouses, but they're not very popular.

Most people call it a gallon, but they call it the "regular."

that they call "child size."

Well, it's roughly the size of a two-year-old child, if the child were liquefied.

No! I'm never gonna be a cop. I'm gonna have to be a robber.

Not because of what you did, which was terrible, but because of what I'm going to be able to get you to do.

I actually think you look really good, except for the stick up your butt. Who do you think drew it?

Nathaniel is related to Donald Rumsfeld. Brittany's dad is Ben Bernanke's dentist.

The zero on the label refers to the amount of water in it, which is zero.

If you want zero-calorie water, try diet water zero lite. It has only 60 calories.

Consequently, we haven't had sex in ten years. I-I thought you said he gained weight in the last three months. Well, we have lots of other problems.

All taxation is theft! If the government can tax me, I-I can--I can do this. Grover, give that woman her purse back.

Orange racing stripe. It's a perfect recreation of Han lue's Nissan in The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift. Weirdly, so far, no one has noticed.

I exercise because, when I was a baby, I had a rare blood disorder, and I suppose I need to feel like my body's in tip-top shape... So it doesn't destroy me, leaving me to die alone.

what's up, my male? You grab a slice of 'za, brah.

We should lock down some tight disc grabs, am I right, ell-bones?

I think we should tax all bad things, like racism and women's vaginae.

We're not taxing anyone's genitals. Then what the hell are we doing here?

Maybe instead of me losing my job, you ought to lose your job. Let's recall Leslie Knope. Let's do this!

Someone please tell me we kodaked that moment.

All right, April, what's the score? 1,000 to 7.

Nobody. Nothing. Does it really even matter?

There's something wrong with my body. My legs aren't working. I'm broken.

I'm floating in this giant river of ambiguity. I'm under a warm waterfall of uncertainty.

Do you just have to pee real bad? Yes.

Oh, no.

Mayhaps, might I suggest that we have a re--aah!

Do you guys know how to dissolve super glue?

Ell-bow. Ell-chupacabra. Drinkin' coffee.

it's from 40 years ago. Never mind.

Hey, man, I didn't draw it. Your daughter did. What? Her. April's not my daughter. She's my friend.

Sorry, Dad.

So what? I've tried to fire you.

No, no, no, no. I tried to fire you four times.

They found nothing. Nothing? Nothing. The silent killer.

I'm gonna die an anonymous, meaningless speck of dust.

It's too bad there's not doctors for your mind.

I need to climb the Mount Everest of my mind.

Right. That was the worst thing you were.

12%. 15. For God's sake, I'm asking for 15% effort. It's not supposed to be a negotiation.

Ellis hates you, and he has herpes.

I'm gonna get a melon baller and scoop your eyes out and eat them, and your congressman uncle is gonna have to buy you a dog to drag your eyeless face around.