The One with Two Parts (1)

If this was a cartoon, you'd be looking like a ham right about now.

Phoebe appearing as their waitress when they call for service

I was over there... then you said, 'Excuse me, miss.' So now I'm here.

Because it's close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.

Phoebe literally walking away when they ask to 'start over'

My monkey is out of control.

Oh, yeah, I've done that.

I've never done that.

They're twins. / I don't care. Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's hot.

You know that thing when we talk about things? Let's not do that anymore.

Look, this could be a really long game.

So, um, is she fat?

Not from where I was standing. / Where were you standing?

She was the first to walk... even though I did it later that same day.

To my parents, by then it was, 'Yeah, what else is new?'

Oh, and I've got earth science, but I'll catch you in gym?

We've got dads. We've got lesbians. The whole parenting team.

Ross, that's my jacket. / I know.

Good for you. Alrighty, next?

Ross's mumbled explanation of Susan

Like buddies. / Like lovers. / You know how close women can get.

So, twins. Ha. That's like two births. Ouch.

Chandler mimicking intercom buzz

Well, it throws my WENUS out of whack.

Won't happen again. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt your... WENUS.

You don't dip your pen in the company ink.

Oh, cool. Urkel in Spanish is Urkel.

Well, someone was supposed to write: 'Rach, take down the lights,' and put it on the refrigera...

She brought me a tuna melt and four plates of curly fries.

Score.

So that if we went out on a date, she'd be there.

I mean, it's true, we were one egg once.

Do you wanna watch Laverne y Shirley?

I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time.

Now imagine your vagina is opening... like a flower.

We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the '70s.

I slept funny and my hair was snarly.

Please don't hate me. / What? / Would you like to have dinner sometime?

Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.

Anything from Crabtree & Evelyn? / Bath salts would be nice.

I think we have an answer.

This could be God's way of telling us to eat at home.

Hi, it's us. / Right. And it's me.

So you're here too? / As much as you are. / Your turn.

Congratulations. I think you found the world's thinnest argument.

Sweetheart, you're fired. But how about a quickie before I go to work?

Once you're inside, you don't have to knock anymore.

You don't even have cats. / I could have cats.

Oh, no, no. It's for Ursula. I just figured, you know, size-wise.

I've never known you to pay money for any kind of capade.

Well, maybe now I'm not okay with it not being okay.

Knit, good woman. Knit. Knit.

Dr. Flanen... Dr. Flanan, Dr. Flan.

That's unbelievable. / And yet believable.

Well, I guess that's why they call it psychology, sir.

It'll have to stay in, that's all. Everything will be the same. It'll just stay in.

Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this pot roast through it?

I just never realized the baby was having me.

You know, Ross, some scientists are now saying that monkeys and babies are actually different.

You meant sex, right?

But that doesn't explain why they keep taking my scissors.

I am? / Sure. Why not?

What? / Helen drinks.

Never, ever leave your hand on the desk.

When I was 8, I wouldn't let her have my Judy Jetson Thermos... so she threw it under the bus.

I mean, I know Joey's not my boyfriend or my Thermos... or anything, but...

Okay. Oh. Okay. Oh.

No, no, no. You wanted me to take them down... so I'm taking them down, okay?

See, this is just the kind of thing I was talking about.