The One With Two Parts (2)

Hospital Worker:Christmas lights? It's January!

Rachel:I know, we just got around to taking them down.

Hospital Worker:Well, that's the real injury here.

Monica:Did you fill out the insurance section?

Rachel:Oh, insurance? Yeah, I mean... do I really need that? It's like when they ask if you want to add guacamole to your order. It's nice to have, but you can live without it, right?

Monica:Rachel, no. Insurance is not guacamole.

Rachel:Well, it's expensive either way!

Monica:Using my insurance for you would be fraud.

Rachel:You're right. Let's just go home.

Hospital Worker:You put your own information on her form? You're an idiot.

Monica:I know!

Ross:I had this dream where I was playing football with my son, and I was treating him like a football.

Ross:I was like, 'Okay, little guy, we're gonna do a flea flicker play here.' And I just—threw him.

Ross:Well, what do you want me to do? He was wide open!

Chandler:It's a baby, Ross!

Ross:I know it's a baby. But he's got an arm on him. Did you see that spiral?

Joey:Yeah, and remember, you gotta keep your eye on the ball at all times. And if you fumble, you just pick it up and keep running!

Ross:Is the Rainbow Room expensive?

Chandler:Well, it costs money.

Joey:Wait, they both have birthdays tonight?

Chandler:Yes, Joey. They're twins. That's kind of the whole thing with twins.

Joey:Oh! Right, right, of course.

Chandler:Could you BE any slower?

Chandler:Oh, I will stab you in the face with a soldering iron!

Rachel:You know, you have really great hands for a doctor.

Dr. Mitchell:Thank you.

Rachel:I mean, not that other doctors don't have great hands. You just have especially great hands. Like, really manly hands.

Dr. Mitchell:Okay...

Rachel:What I'm trying to say is... you have hands that are both masculine and gentle, which is very rare in the medical community.

Rachel:I can't believe those doctors asked me out!

Monica:Rachel, you can't go out with them. You committed fraud!

Rachel:It was just a little thing, Monica. It's not that serious.

Monica:Not that serious?! We're going to prison! Federal prison, Rachel! Do you know what happens in federal prison?

Rachel:Monica, calm down.

Monica:Calm down?! We're criminals! We're felons! I have to call my lawyer!

Monica:I want to blow off the dates.

Rachel:What? Are you crazy? These guys are attractive!

Rachel:They're really attractive!

Rachel:They're REALLY attractive!

Everyone:SURPRISE!

Phoebe:Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Phoebe:You guys! You scared me half to death! I thought it was one of those situations where they jump out and stab you!

Monica:It's lemon shmush.

Monica:Oh no, they misspelled your name on the cake.

Phoebe:What? Let me see that.

Chandler:It says 'Peehee.' That's not even a name.

Phoebe:Well, maybe in some cultures it is!

Ross:We could fix it with some decorative roses.

Chandler:Oh yeah, because we have a cake decorating kit just lying around the apartment.

Phoebe:Oh sure, nothing says 'not scary' like twenty people jumping out of the dark screaming at you while you're holding a sharp object.

Jack Geller:I said 'No!' to sun-dried tomatoes. I said 'No!' to a very good opportunity. And I said 'No!' to a man in a very nice suit.

Jack Geller:The moment I felt like a father was when I looked down at Ross for the first time and thought, 'My God, what an ugly baby.'

Dr. Mitchell:I brought you a bottle of wine as a gift.

Dr. Mitchell:It's from Ernest Borgnine and his wife's vineyard.

Rachel:You're such a wuss for worrying about insurance fraud.

Monica:I'm not a wuss! This is real world thinking. You can't just commit fraud whenever you feel like it.

Dr. Rosen:You're right, you're right. They seem perfectly normal. I mean, look at them. They're not chasing us with a tire iron. They're not covered in bees. They're not screaming about a secret government experiment that only they know about.

Rachel:Monica, you have to tell them the truth!

Monica:I can't! They'll think I'm irresponsible.

Rachel:You're being just like your mother!

Monica:Oh my God, take that back!

Dr. Mitchell:Well, those are certainly... qualities. So! Who here likes soup?

Monica:I have a third nipple.

Rachel:Okay, we're done.

Rachel:I mean, come on, we both use our breasts for attention.

Monica:Yeah, well, duh.

Rachel:Dad, before you hang up, there's something I need to tell you. I slept with Leonard's son. In your bed.

Rachel:He's my father's business partner! And he's married! And he's got that thing where he makes that noise with his mouth.

Rachel:Oh my God. I just realized. My father's going to kill me.

Monica:I filled out the form wrong again, didn't I?

Hospital Worker:Yes, you did.

Monica:What did I do this time?

Hospital Worker:You wrote your name in the 'Reason for Visit' section.

Ross:I got 50 points for 'kidney'.

Chandler:Ross, you spelled 'idney'. The K is missing because Marcel swallowed it.

Hospital Worker:This is a hospital for people, not animals.

Ross:Right, right. So no dogs, no cats, no chimpanzees...

Hospital Worker:Correct.

Ross:What about a human being who occasionally eats bugs?

Hospital Worker:That would be fine.

Ross:A human who walks on all fours?

Hospital Worker:Still fine.

Ross:A human who removes his clothes and throws feces at the doctors?

Hospital Worker:Okay, that's not fine.

Ross:Well, that's just Chandler on a Tuesday.

Ursula:Listen...

Joey:Oh no, no, no. I know where this is going. I've said 'listen' like a thousand times. You're breaking up with me, aren't you?

Joey:Wait, you don't drink.

Ursula:I know. I was just trying to be romantic.

Ross:Marcel had swallowed multiple letters apparently trying to spell his own species