The One Where Old Yeller Dies

Why are you guys upset? It's Old Yeller. It's a happy movie.

That's when my mother would shut off the TV and say, 'The end.'

He doesn't have rabies. He has babies.

Oh, no. No, no, Travis, put down the gun. No, no, he's your buddy. He's your Yeller. No! The end! The end!

Okay, what kind of a sick doggy snuff film is this?

Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.

One of these times, you'll really be naked and we won't come over.

That teach me a lesson.

How do you find clothes that fit?

All right, yes, I see other women in the shower at the gym. And no, I don't look.

Did you see that play? You want more beer? Is that Spike Lee?

That's Eric. Glad to be of help. Matches.

Plus, he's old

er than some people. But younger than some buildings.

How do we say yes and make it seem like it's not just to ride in the cool car?

We'll bring him, but only if he takes the Jaguar.

You almost had it.

We know. He already did it last week. You can watch our tape if you want.

What else? Has he spoken? Is he driving? Does he have a favorite liqueur?

He can't quite say 'mama' yet, but once he said 'Yemen.'

Did you just see that? Did you see? He just waved! He's never waved before!

Yes, he has. Very good.

All you need now is The Killing Fields and guacamole, and you got a party!

You know, before she killed herself.

After we stole his lunch money and gave him a wedgie.

He let us drive his Jaguar. Joey for 12 blocks. Me for 15.

He must like you best.

Hey, Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats. You're welcome. Hey, Joey, thanks for parking the car. No problem.

He kept my dollar.

A woman I went to college with is the first female blacksmith there. They're a little behind the times in colonial Williamsburg.

Joey, do you know we can see you from here?

You may wanna light it and lose the spatula.

Not like him, per se. Just not unlike him.

We flipped for it. I got the cigar, he got the mustache. If we both grew them, we'd look like dorks.

You really sidestepped that land mine.

You hear that? We're the guys!

With that mustache, he reminds me of Aunt Sylvia. Thank you!

A while ago, I got a 'seh' out of him, which I thought might turn into 'seh-condary caregiver,' but...

He's a baby, not a bomb.

This is how I would hold a football.

Actually, I kind of think that we'll have two babies. You know, a boy and a girl. Hopefully, the girl will come first, so Ben won't feel competitive.

We won't wanna raise kids in the city, so we'll move to Scarsdale. We'll be far enough from our parents so we don't have to see them, but close enough that they can baby-sit.

And yes, I know the taxes are a little higher than Nassau County, but the school system's great.

I don't have a pot. Maybe I've got one at home. Or in Scarsdale. Hey, is that a door?

Murder, cancer, soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.

Charlotte who? With the web. The spider. She dies. She has babies and dies. It's like, 'Welcome home from the hospital.' Thud!

I fell for that with Pride of the Yankees. I thought I'd see a film about Yankee pride. And boom! The guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.

The guy was Lou Gehrig. Didn't you kind of see it coming?

I just got my Pik-Up Stiks back from the shop.

They don't start sentences with 'You know who just died shoveling snow?'

Then, go Vassar! They're not in it. Okay, then just go.

You'll just die or divorce or blow your pet's head off.

If not, I can learn how to do a bikini wax with leftover Christmas candles.

You've planned out the next 20 years. We've dated for six weeks!

The Big Book of Children's Names.

You're with a guy who won't stop planning his future with you. He knows we'll end up together. If that scares you, tough! You'll have to deal with that.

I don't know if I was happier when George Bailey destroyed the business, or Donna Reed cried or when the pharmacist made his ear bleed.

It should've been called: 'It's a Sucky Life, And Just When You Think It Can't Suck Anymore, It Does!'

Could that shot be any prettier?

Really? I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800s.

Nice mustache. At puberty, that thing will really kick in.

That's why we don't let her play.

He is so much cooler than our dads. Our dads are okay and all, but Richard is just—

You guys see me as a dad?

When we say 'dad,' we mean 'buddy.' We mean 'pal.'

No, seriously. Joey's my dad. Monica's my dad. I've even got some dads down at work.

Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic evening.

For a really cool guy, you suck at foosball.

Calling it a 'poopy diaper' doesn't make this process any cuter.

No, my Uncle Hi.

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I just bring it out in him.

Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college!

Now, I've looked ahead on the tape, and he does find him again. But before that happens, there's some rough going for a while.