The One With The Princess Leia Fantasy

Chandler:A woman winked at me today.

Joey:That's great, man!

Chandler:Yeah, I thought so too. So I winked back.

Monica:That's sweet.

Chandler:Except she was winking because she had something in her eye.

Chandler:Hold on, that's not an Elton John song.

Joey:Yes it is! 'Tiny Dancer'!

Chandler:That's not... wait, are you saying 'Tony Danza'?

Joey:Yeah! 'Tony Danza'! The guy from 'Who's the Boss?'

Chandler:It's 'Tiny Dancer,' Joey. Not Tony Danza.

Unknown:Mysterious late night phone call with squeaky sound

Treating the economic impossibility as the main logical flaw

Monica:Oh yeah, I made pancakes. I also made a five-course meal, reorganized the kitchen cabinets by color, and gave myself a facial. All before 9 AM. Because that's what I do.

Joey:I'm dating a divorcee now. That's pretty mature of me, right?

Joey:Oh yeah, oh yeah! Come on, come on! That's it, that's it! Work it, work it! Oh, this is beautiful, man. Beautiful.

Joey:Hey, good for you man. I'm really happy for you and Monica.

Chandler:Thanks Joey.

Joey:Yeah, so uh, when's the divorce?

Chandler:I'm not going to break up with Janice.

Joey:Oh come on, you're yanking me!

Chandler:No, I'm not yanking you.

Joey:Look me in the eye and say that without blinking.

Chandler:I can't do that.

Monica:Oh my God, look what I found in the drain!

Monica:It's his hair. It's actually his hair. I'm keeping this.

Chandler:Monica, that's not healthy.

Monica:You don't understand! This is like a piece of him. A actual piece!

Monica:What am I supposed to do with all this hair from Richard's drain?

Chandler:I don't know, make a wig? A sweater?

Chandler:A woman is drowning. Hair is floating in her cereal.

Joey:That's not funny, man.

Chandler:Could I BE any more insensitive?

Monica:I know I need sleep, but I just... I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him so much. I miss the way he used to... you know... keep me up all night.

Monica:I know what I said!

Joey:We have a report from the eye doctor. You're gonna wanna sit down for this.

Joey:You blink. A lot.

Joey:No way! She's like a man!

Ross:You could be a sexy band girl.

Rachel:Ross, you were in the band in high school.

Ross:Yeah, so?

Rachel:There's nothing sexy about that.

Rachel:So what are your fantasies?

Ross:Well, I... uh...

Rachel:Come on, you can tell me.

Ross:Okay, fine. There's this thing with you and Monica...

Rachel:Oh my God! I am not doing that!

Ross:You asked!

Rachel:I know, but... okay, if I do this, you have to tell me everything. And I mean everything.

Ross:Really?

Rachel:Really. So what else?

Ross:Well, there's also this one with Phoebe's twin sister...

Rachel:Phoebe doesn't have a twin sister!

Ross:I know, but in my fantasy she does.

Joey:You know, Star Wars is like, a total reflection of society, man. It's got the good guys, the bad guys, and it's all about the Force, which is basically like... karma or whatever.

Ross:So the Leia fantasy was great?

Monica:It wasn't the fantasy. My pager kept vibrating.

Monica:I went to the wrong workplace entirely.

Rachel:You know, I've been thinking about this Princess Leia costume, and I realized something.

Rachel:If you're going to be Luke Skywalker, you have to commit to it. No mixing it with Ross.

Rachel:I mean, Luke would never do half the annoying things Ross does.

Rachel:At least Luke had the Force. Ross just has... dinosaurs.

Joey:No, no, no! It's obviously 'The Rapists'!

Chandler:The Rapists?

Joey:Yeah! 'The Rapists'!

Monica:Joey, the category is 'Therapists'.

Joey:That's what I said!

Joey:We need one more guy for hockey.

Joey:Hey Ross, you wanna play hockey with us?

Ross:I don't know how to play hockey.

Joey:Come on, it's just like Three Musketeers, except with a puck.

Chandler:That's not... that's not how that works.

Joey:I don't hate her.

Chandler:That's a massive understatement.

Chandler:Capital R, capital T

Joey:Yes, that spells 'RT'

Joey:I would gouge out my own eyes with a spoon, just to have a projectile weapon.

Joey:Wait, there's no Count Rushmore? But I thought that's where they carved all the counts!

Ross:Who are you talking to when you do that?

Ross:Wait, you've been on the Staten Island Ferry?

Joey:Yeah, tons of times.

Ross:And you've... you've been a stripper?

Joey:Once! It was for a role!

Ross:So you're telling me you've done both of those things and I haven't done either?

Ross:Well, I once went twelve hours.

Ross:I mean, how many people can say they've been with someone like Rachel?

Rachel:Well, apparently a lot of people.

Phoebe:No, no, no. You gotta get out of there, Monica. That's not a happy place, that's an obsession place.

Monica:But it's so nice...

Phoebe:I know, but you're like a moth to a flame. A really sexy, older flame.

Monica:So you can't think about anything?

Phoebe:No, that's the whole point. You just clear your mind and let the universe speak to you.

Monica:What if the universe has nothing to say?

Phoebe:Then you're doing it wrong. Also, you can't meditate in here with shoes on. The soles have touched the ground, which has touched everything, which has bad energy.

Phoebe:Okay, okay, new rule: you can't think about your happy place while you're in your happy place.

Monica:What?

Phoebe:And no singing show tunes in your happy place unless it's your birthday.

Chandler:Phoebe, what are you doing?

Phoebe:Also, you can't wear hats. Hats are not allowed in the happy place.

Monica:Okay, I'm going to try this meditation thing. I'm going to clear my mind, focus on my breathing, and just let the stress melt away.

Monica:Ohhmmm... ohhmmm...

Monica:Wait, did I turn off the stove? No, I didn't cook anything. But what if I did and forgot? Oh my God, the apartment's going to burn down.

Monica:No, no, focus Monica. Breathing. In and out. In and—is that a sound? What is that sound? Is someone breaking in?

Monica:Okay, you know what, this isn't working. I'm just going to lie here and— oh no. Oh no, no, no. I have to pee. I HAVE to pee right now!

Janice:Oh. My. God.

Joey:A day? Can't we just do like an hour? Maybe just a half hour?

Janice:It needs to be a full day because I want to make sure we have enough time to really explore the space and get comfortable with each other.

Joey:Yeah... yeah, that's great. That's really great.

Monica:Thanks for the ride home!

Chandler:No problem. By the way, nice Princess Leia outfit.

Monica:Thanks! I'm going to a costume party.

Chandler:Well, may the Force be with you.

Chandler:You know what women share? Everything. They'll tell each other their deepest secrets, their most embarrassing moments, their entire medical history.

Chandler:They'll discuss their relationships, their families, their dreams, their fears.

Chandler:And then they'll describe, in graphic detail, things about their bodies that I didn't even know were possible.

Ross:Girth? He's worried about girth?!

Chandler:I can't do this. My mother's in my head.

Monica:What?

Chandler:Every time I'm with a woman, my mother's there in my head, criticizing me.

Monica:Chandler, that's horrible!

Chandler:I know. Last night with Janice, she's going, 'You're doing it wrong! You're not impressing her!'

Chandler:I'm thinking about sharing an apartment with Joey.

Ross:Sharing? Chandler, that's not sharing, that's scaring. You're going to scare him away!

Janice:They're back!

Joey:I love you.

Joey:So Janice actually stuck around for a while, you know? I mean, she didn't leave right away.

Chandler:Yeah, well, that's because she didn't have access to a baseball bat.

Ross:Monica, everyone has weird thoughts. I had a dream last night that I was a window.

Monica:That's not weird, that's just a dream.

Ross:I was a window on a plane that was flying backwards.

Monica:Okay, well... I've been having this recurring thought where I'm organizing things alphabetically, but not by their names. By their feelings.

Ross:By their... feelings?

Monica:Yes. And I've organized this entire apartment based on how sad each object looks.

Monica:So Richard's doing terrible? Well, I dated him longer than any of his other girlfriends. I win!

Monica:Maybe he cried later! Like, maybe he went home and had a good cry!

Ross:This is it. This is the moment. Princess Leia, in all her glory...

Chandler:Your mom called. She wants her outfit back.

Ross:Why would you say that?! Why would you put that in my head right now?!