The One with the Princess Leia Fantasy

She totally winked at me! - She did not wink at you. You always think somebody's winking at you.

Hold me close, young Tony Danza

I got a call at 2 in the morning and all I could hear was this squeaky sound. So I thought, 'Oh, it's a mouse or a possum.'

where would a mouse or a possum get the money to make the phone call?

Yeah, like there's any way I could ever do that.

I can't believe I date a girl who's getting divorced. I'm such a grownup.

Kiss her. Kiss her!

So when are you dumping her?

Come on, quit yanking me.

I'm not breaking up with her!

God, look what I found in the drain! It's some of Richard's hair!

Getting it away from me would be job one.

Cool! Oh, it looks like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal.

I need to get some Richard.

What are you, the Memory Woman?

They're not breaking up! He didn't blink!

We'll call that Plan B.

You remember not having sex in high school, right? Yeah.

If you tell me, I might do it.

Yeah, Princess Leia and the gold bikini? Oh, every guy our age loved that. It's huge! That's the moment when she stopped being a princess and she became, like, you know, a woman.

No, it's just that I got this new pager, and I have it on 'vibrate.'

Oh, they sent me home. Why? Because I don't work at the Szechuan Dragon.

Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me?

It's Count Rushmore! You should really go on this show.

We always go together. We're like The Three Hockey-teers, you know?

Look, I don't hate Janice. She's just a lot to take, you know?

Don't worry, those are the right letters.

Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna pull my arm off so I have something to throw at her.

Then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain?

Who are you talking to when you do that?

Both of those Joey?

Did you talk about the Night of Five Times?

Do you tell people about the Night of Five Times?

No, no, no. Not a Richard thing. Just put down the glass and get out.

There are no questions in the happy place.

Betting and wagering of any kind are not permitted in the happy place.

I'm still awake, and now I have to pee.

A little birdie told me you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.

Does it have to be a day?

Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me. I sleep in the next room.

Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away.

Like stuff you like. Stuff she likes. Technique. Stamina. Girth.

Girth? Why? Why? Why?

And then all of a sudden, your mom pops into your head. And you're, like, 'Mom, get out of here!'

Your mom? You're telling me about your mom? What's the matter with you? I said 'share,' not 'scare'!

Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!

And, uh, you know, I love this woman.

It was Bat Day at Shea Stadium.

Oh. Really? Oh, yeah! I always picture your mom when I'm having sex.

Really? Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.

Do you think he was waiting till after you left, so he could cry?

I hate Chandler. The bastard ruined my life!