The One with All the Rugby

You said there were gonna be other guys. There are no other guys. - Chandler, there's a guy right over there. - That's a mailman.

Chandler, don't worry. This doesn't make you any less of a guy. That does. What am I sitting on?

Heh. I'd hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.

Joey, let me ask you a question. This has been driving me crazy. - What does this light switch do? - Oh, nothing.

Didn't it drive you crazy to not know what it did? I know what it did. Nothing.

They wouldn't have put it there if it didn't do something. - How can you not care? - Like this:

Do you know what that little silver knob on the toilet does? - Sure. It flushes it. - Okay, good. Now, since you know, when you come over, would you mind actually using it?

[SCREAMS] MONICA: Oh, my God. Wow. - Guess who we ran into today?

Yeah, I'm riding the alimony pony.

And there it is.

- Bye. Bye. - Bye. Bye. - Bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye. - Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Oh.

What? I thought you were crazy about her. You know all those little annoying things she did before we fell in love? You know, like her voice and her laugh and her personality?

My ass is, like, frozen. Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes.

No, it's really not that bad. I mean, I, for one, feel perfectly safe. [LIAM & DEVON SHOUTING AND LAUGHING] Help! Help! Help!

That was a good one, huh? I was like, 'Help! Help!'

Well, actually, the last time you and I saw each other was the next morning. Ha, ha. Oh, Liam. Heh. Oh, Liam.

So, what, were you guys playing soccer or something? Or should I call it... [IN BRITISH ACCENT] ...'football'? Uh...

Ha, ha. Ross play rugby? I don't think so. Heh. What? What's so funny about that?

Well, I mean, you're American, to start with. You don't really have rugby here. Heh. Well, we didn't have freedom here until 1776 either, so...

Oh, boy. I just love to sing. Yes, I know that you do. One of the reasons people were complaining... ...was because most of the people had paid to hear the actor sing 'Old Man River.'

Oh, look at us. Who would've thought that Cupid had a station at 14th Street Nails?

Right. But I just think this is happening too soon. Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it, honey, I am not letting you get away this time.

Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? Yemen.

But I do know it's sometime tomorrow.

I bet I stopped listening before you did. You know, you also could have used lamps... ...and then followed the light. Yeah, well, I'm using noise. Okay?

It's coming from Joey. Oh, my God. That's so freaky. Turn him off.

Dude, you're not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.

And Yemen. That actually sounds like a real country.

- Joey, trade lives with me. - Nope.

Oh, please, Ross. You got hurt playing badminton with my dad. That's because your mom's dog kept looking at me.

Okay, Ross, look, look, look. Right here, it's called a 'scrum,' okay? - It's kind of like a huddle. - And is a hum kind of like a scruddle?

Well, you should've seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, he's like Joe Rugby. You're kidding. And he plays rugby? That's so funny.

All right, come on. Look, Ross can take care of himself. It's not like he's Chandler. CHANDLER: Thanks.

I'll be that guy, right outside the circle.

Oh. Well, maybe there was a dog looking at him.

They don't look any bigger than me. That's because you're closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.

Okay, I know what I've gotta do. I've gotta go Red Ross. You know, Red Ross? Totally don't know what you're talking about.

That time that we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves... ...and that one guy cut in front of us, and I just lost it? Huh? Screamed at him, turned all red. Red Ross! No.

[ROSS SCREAMING]

Joey!

He asked you out? - No. But I was showing him some cuff links, and I felt his pulse. Saucy.

All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours. Wow. If only more people knew.

Hi. I need a fake ticket to Yemen. - One ticket to Yemen? - Oh, no, no, no. I just need a pretend ticket.

What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with? Are you traveling with a child? No.

Uh, sir, a ticket to Yemen is $2100, and we don't take library cards.

No offense, but sometimes it's hard to understand you... ...you know, with the accent, so...

Did you see me? I was pretty good, huh? That is one fun game. - Right. - Do me a favor? Grab me a bottle of water? - Yeah. - Thanks. - I think I'm dying. I really do.

Tell my son that I love him.

What? No. No, I'm not stopping. I'm Red Ross. Dude, you go back out there, you're gonna be Dead Ross.

God, no. That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.

Real...? I could use that. Trick hip, no cup. Okay, okay.

But Liam's on my team. - I don't care. You just get him. - Go get him.

What are these? Oh, just some pictures I made and hung up. I thought they'd brighten up the place. They do, don't you think?

I know that there's no hole there. I just really like that picture.

[GASPS] But it didn't. - Say hello to Mrs. Catrokis. RACHEL: Oh, my God. WOMAN: Hello, darling.

Look, your eye's still popping out a little. I'm gonna go get some ice. - Okay. - Ooh, ice, yeah. I'm so in the mood for ice.

I made a man twice my size cry. I mean, I haven't done that since I was 4 and I washed my dad's Porsche with rocks.

You know what? You know what? It's not.

Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.

15 Yemen Road, Yemen.

Well, then I guess I'm going to Yemen. I'm going to Yemen. When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?

See? I'm doing it. I am totally doing it. I lost it.