The One With Rachels Inadvertent Kiss

Joey:I bought Ralph Lauren underwear. XS. There's no room for excess anything.

Monica:What? Chandler loves it!

Ross:Monica, you're breaking my hand!

Joey:What is he doing?

Chandler:I don't know, but I'm scared and aroused.

Joey:Is that... is he doing the shark?

Chandler:Oh my God, he's doing the shark!

Ross:Duuuh duuuh, duuuh duuuh...

Chandler:Could that BE any more shark?

Joey:How you doin'?

Chandler:That's not a pretty girl, that's Monica! She's my girlfriend!

Joey:Hey baby, it's me, Joey Tribbiani. I'm here to sweep you off your feet.

Ross:Joey, what are you doing in my apartment?

Joey:Wait, what? This isn't... Oh man, I miscounted the doors again.

Chandler:No, he's actually just watching TV.

Phoebe:I can't believe Gary has to leave for police work. We were supposed to have dinner tonight!

Phoebe:I mean, there's a violent crime happening, but what about us? This is so inconsiderate.

Phoebe:I want to go on a police call with you!

Police Radio:We have a 10-31 in progress at the corner of 5th and Main. Suspect is armed and dangerous.

Phoebe:Oh my God, okay, maybe not.

Police Radio:Wait, we're getting reports of a second suspect. And he's... he's covered in what appears to be peanut butter.

Phoebe:Peanut butter? That's... that's weird.

Police Radio:And there's a llama. I don't know how the llama got here, but it's very angry.

Phoebe:Okay, definitely not going.

Phoebe:I miss Gary. He was like a puppy, you know? Loyal, eager to please... except he shoots bad guys.

Rachel:Oh, totally. You guys are still totally in the honeymoon phase.

Rachel:I mean, sure, you bicker constantly and he sleeps in the guest room, but... honeymoon phase!

Rachel:What? I was just saying my relationship is going really well.

Monica:Oh, YOUR relationship is going well? Mine is PERFECT. It's not just well, it's perfect.

Rachel:Monica, I didn't say—

Monica:And we have sex like five times a week. FIVE TIMES.

Rachel:Okay, I see what's happening here.

Monica:See? We're passionate!

Chandler:Monica, you're returning a broom.

Monica:A broom we bought together!

Rachel:I can't believe I did that in the interview. I'm so embarrassed.

Chandler:Oh please, you want to talk about interview disasters? I once told my interviewer that his tie looked like a dead animal. Turns out it was.

Rachel:So I was being interviewed, right? And they asked me about my biggest accomplishment. I told them, 'Well, I've never needed a life jacket because I've always managed to stay afloat in this industry.' They loved it!

Chandler:Well, hey, if you ever find yourself in that situation again...

Rachel:Oh, thank you! That really helps!

Rachel:Why would they call me back for a second interview? Do you think they know something? Like, what if they Googled me and found that embarrassing photo from Monica's wedding?

Rachel:Or maybe they're just being nice because they feel bad for me. Oh my God, what if I'm their charity case?

Rachel:Actually, you know what? They probably just want to see if I'll cry again like I did at the first interview.

Joey:Oh man, she's coming back!

Rachel:Aw, Joey, that's so sweet. I knew you'd miss me.

Joey:Miss you? I'm talking about the hot girl from the coffee shop!

Joey:Did you move?

Chandler:No, I'm just here visiting my stuff.

Joey:Have you seen a really hot girl around here? She's about yay high, blonde hair?

Child:Um, no...

Joey:Well, if you do, can you tell her Joey Tribbiani is looking for her? And hey, while I'm asking - you ever see any hot moms dropping you off at school?

Rachel:That is sexual harassment and I will not stand for it!

Rachel:Good day, sir.

Ross:You have ink on your lip.

Rachel:What?

Ross:Right there. You have ink on your lip.

Monica:We have movie plans.

Chandler:We do?

Monica:Yeah, all night.

Chandler:Oh! Oh!

Monica:I just didn't want anyone showing up and interrupting.

Chandler:Wait, wait, wait. Monica, that's not a good idea. We shouldn't be competitive about this.

Monica:Why not? It'll be fun!

Chandler:Because it'll just turn into... I mean, we'll be... Hold on. Did I just argue against having more sex?

Chandler:You know what? Bring it on. Let's do this. I'm in.

Ross:Hi, I'm Ross Geller. I live in 4G.

Neighbor:Oh yeah, I know who you are. You're the cheap guy who wouldn't chip in for the building maintenance.

Ross:That was one time!

Monica:You're amazing.

Chandler:No, you're amazing.

Monica:No, you are.

Chandler:No, you are.

Monica:No, you are.

Chandler:Okay, fine. I'm amazing.

Joey:Is that the girl who waved?

Chandler:Where? Oh my God, you're right! She's still waving!

Joey:Well, wave back!

Chandler:I can't wave back, I'm not wearing any pants!

Joey:How is it possible that I cannot find this girl's apartment? I've been walking around for like an hour.

Joey:You know what? I think hot girls live in an alternate dimension. That's the only explanation.

Monica:Joey, you can't count like that. You've lost at least three women because of your counting.

Joey:Wait, what? Three women? Who?

Monica:Well, there was that girl from the coffee shop, and the one from the gym, and—

Joey:Oh, come on! That's not my fault. That's not about counting!

Rachel:Well, I have to say, I'm very proud of myself. I've never sexually harassed anyone at work.

Interviewer:That's... that's good?

Rachel:I mean, think about it. In this day and age, that's practically a superpower.

Rachel:I have courage, and I'm not litigious.

Rachel:I have courage, and I'm not litigious.

Rachel:Oh my God, I am so sorry! I didn't mean to—I was just reaching for your hand and I—

Rachel:No, it was your arm, I grabbed your arm, not—I mean, I was aiming for your hand!

Rachel:Your hand! I was going for a handshake. A normal, professional handshake.

Monica:Oh, that's right! Yes, yes, yes!

Chandler:Could you BE any louder? The lamp is blushing.

Gary:Using official police codes...

Gary:Translates serious-sounding code to childish bathroom term

Gary:Well, technically it's called 'lewd conduct in a public place.'

Monica:Chandler? Chandler, I know you're in here.

Chandler:Monica, this is the men's room. You can't be in here.

Monica:Oh please, we're past that now. I'm not leaving until I win this.

Chandler:What are you doing?

Monica:I'm just trying to set a little mood here. You know, some ambiance.

Chandler:Monica, you're in a men's bathroom.

Monica:Exactly. And look how nice I've made it.

Chandler:Well, if I found men's bathrooms sexual, that would mean I'd be cheating on you every time I went to the bathroom.

Monica:I don't know, Chandler. What if this doesn't work out? What if we're making a huge mistake?

Chandler:Oh my God, this is the best day of my life! Finally, I get to be the confident one in this relationship!

Joey:Hey, thanks for coming guys. I want you to meet some hot girls I've been hanging out with.

Chandler:Where are they?

Joey:Oh, they're in the bedroom. Let me get them.

Joey:Guys, I'd like you to meet Bambi, Tiffany, and Crystal.

Monica:Joey... these are mannequins.

Joey:So? They're great listeners, they never complain, and they think I'm hilarious.

Ross:One of them is a blow-up doll.

Joey:Yeah, she's shy.