The One with the Ride Along

Hey, man. What's up? / Just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow.

Oh, Ross! Look, look! / What? Where? / Right over there! There! Look, look, look! / What am I looking at? / Somebody help me out here.

He let me ride around with him. We saw and prevented crimes.

Really? You? / Yeah. / Well, it's kind of dangerous. / Well, I like danger.

You didn't say it was gonna be at nighttime.

I've broken them down into categories. We got holidays, birthdays, candids... And I've cross-referenced them by subject.

So if you're looking up, say... birthdays and dogs, you get photo 152. See? Oh, it's me and LePoo.

You can also find him under 'dog' and 'dead'.

Good thing you numbered them. / I hadn't. Photo 152 was a prototype.

Ross has the blender. / Everything's just falling apart.

No. While you're at Ross', if you see any lying around. / What? / I don't do that.

Okay, but it is officially nighttime.

Want me to grab the berry? / It's called a cherry. / It's called... Chandler!

You can't eat that in my car. / Even though my tax dollars paid for this car. / Your tax dollars?

Did I say you could smell it? / I can't smell it? / Half the taste is in the smell. You're sucking up all the taste units.

Okay, I'll give them back.

Imagine the best sex you ever had. / Are you thinking about Monica? / Yeah. / What's that like?

Please don't be from a real dinosaur. Please, please. Please, please. / 'Made in Mexico.' Yes!

Who would buy this?

So all we had was ice? / See if he has ice.

You gonna squeeze the perp's shoes a bit before he lawyers up? / He's a witness, not a perp. And no one talks like that.

Yeah. No one talks like that. / Oh, what, like you're Mr. Cop? / I'm more cop than you two.

I'm in the front seat, okay? I'm Gary's partner. / When you say 'partner', it doesn't sound cop. It sounds gay.

Hey, Gary. Who am I? / Phone home.

Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors. / What's up with that, Serpico?

What if Ross hears that and calls her and they get back together? Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily who wouldn't let him see you?

Look, I'm his sister and I love him. I don't want to see him get hurt. / Doesn't that give me the right to control... / Help him?

Break up their marriage on their wedding day? Who would do that? / ... / Okay, fine. All right. But that was different.

Your messages have been erased. / No!

What is it? / It says you can't sue if you scrape your knee or get your head blown off.

Oh, hurry up. I want to sign that.

What is he doing? What the hell is he doing? / What is it? / Is everything okay? / What? / He sees us. Don't move. And don't look at him!

Hey, it's okay. It was just a car backfire.

Hey, look at that. You tried to save your buddy. / You see that? You see what he did?

Maybe that's Emily leaving the exact same message.

Hey, Ross, it's you. I just want you to remember this feeling. You are lucky to be alive. So live every day to the fullest. Love yourself, okay? And also get stamps. Bye.

Play that message for Emily, and this problem goes away.

Anybody want to meet a hero? / John Glenn is here? / No. Joey.

It was a car backfire. / But he didn't know that. / Yeah, I didn't know that. / It could just as easily have been a bullet.

Ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you. / Who jumps at loud noises.

If the car that backfired had run over you!

You know what? If I heard a shot right now, I'd throw my body on you. / Maybe we should walk in a bad neighborhood.

I'd hate to save your life and kick your ass on the same day.

Oh, my God. You hate Ross! / I don't hate Ross. / Of course, you do. I saved him. You're mad at me. It adds up.

You know? I mean, Ross needs help. He's not 'street' like us.

All right, look. I wasn't trying to save Ross. Okay? My sandwich was next to Ross. All right? I was trying to save my sandwich.

From a bullet? / I know it doesn't make much sense. / 'Much' sense?

Look, it was instinct! I just went for it. / You risked your life for a sandwich? / I know it sounds crazy... but this is the greatest sandwich in the world!

So you didn't choose Ross before me? / No. I would never do that. You're like my brother.

Here. / Thanks. / Easy, it's not a hot dog!

You're showing me how much I mean to you. / With a bite. / Jeez!

You are in our apartment all the time! This is just a drop in the bucket, mister!

The most amazing thing happened tonight. I thought my number was up. I had an actual near-death experience. / What happened? / We were on the ride-along with Gary and somebody took a shot at me! / Really? / No. A car backfired.

That was not a near-death experience. That was barely an experience. / You weren't there!

Hey, was Monica here? / I want my money back. / You probably need that for stamps, right?

I wonder how I'd react under fire. And not backfire... but heavy fire. Like, if I was in a war. Man, I would be great in a war! I think I'd make a fantastic military leader. I mean, I know I'd make general before any of you guys.

Before or after you were shot by your own troops?

I know Joey would be in the foxhole protecting all of us. / If the foxhole was lined with sandwiches.

Yeah, hero sandwiches.

You all know I'm a pacifist, so I'm not interested in war in any way. But when the revolution comes, I'll have to destroy you all. Not you, Joey.