The One with the Donor

Oh, that feels so good. / Oh, lucky me. Coffee and a live sex show.

I was just reading to Emma. / From Cosmo?

Climax Your Way to Better Skin

Not me. Not me. Not me.

and to always, always, always put on underwear when trying on clothes

And some slutty lingerie. Slutty!

Pain in the ass! / That's off, right?

Oh, isn't that nice? The three of you, trying on slutty lingerie together.

That's not what we're gonna do. / Why'd you ruin it? Who was I hurting?

I've always tried so hard to be a good hostess.

While I was growing up, they sure seemed to be in a hurry to get places.

Don't worry. After a while, you'll tune it out.

Is that a hint? Because we love you, Dr. Connelly, but we don't want you to be our child.

Wow! Talk about an inhospitable environment.

Not gonna find any clothes in there.

When was the last time he made a submission deadline for an abstract?

Just seeing what it'd be like to be a paleontologist. / It's fun. Yeah.

You're not gonna to do a magic trick, are you? / No.

I think I can safely say that we all have family issues, work and/or are sick.

But you come first. / I'm there. / I don't know Ross, I'm not feeling too.. / Barbados is in the Caribbean, Joe.

Why didn't anybody say so?

Apparently, you only get porn if you're giving a sperm sample.

Enough said. I'm there for you, man. Where is she, upstairs?

Your long-standing offer to have sex with my wife is appreciated.

What?! No! I'm not gonna give them Ben!

Well, that's not what you want.

When I go to the party later.. Mike will know I'm over him because I'll smell like another guy.

Okay, good, I'm dating a Russian cabdriver.

Seriously, does anyone buy this? I smell like beets.

On Melanie Griffith in Working Girl.

Because I've seen them. / You've seen all the movies? / Yeah. I'm a big fan. / Of the movies. / You know, motion pictures. / The talkies.

You know, just the way she waltzed in here all smart.. and tall, you know.. and just swept Joey off his feet. Nobody else has a chance.

You know, Monica's mom.

Wow. Isn't that ironic that he liked you, and now you like..? / I get it!

Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?

Look. He's intelligent, he's healthy, he's athletic. I mean, he's sperm-tastic!

Come up. Meet my wife. Give us your sperm.

I mean, even if my sperm worked fine, I think he'd be the way to go.

Do you have a coaster? I don't want to make a ring. / Tell me about yourself, Zack.

Oh, thank God, I can't hear a word that you're saying. / I didn't say anything yet.

It is annoying when parents put babies on the phone. / All right, enough out of you!

What? But I already bought my ticket to Bermuda! / Barbados. / Fine, I'll rent a car and drive.

In fact, he was just talking in his sleep before.. and evidently he wants someone named Fran to 'spank him harder.'

I mean, hey, Shakespeare, how about a chase scene once in a while?

What do you think? I want his genes for my kid. Those eyes, those cheekbones. / Okay, there's enthusiastic, and there's just plain gay.

No. Although, I did have an uncle who voted for Dukakis.

You know what's not funny? Male pattern baldness.

Did you have braces as a child? / No, I didn't. / Yes!

We're teeth people, Zack.

I don't have time for your childish games, okay? I still have to find something incredible to wear.. so I can beat Mike at 'Who's More Over Who'!

Yeah, that's Phoebe. That's Phoebe. You know, she just wants them all. It's, like, she's nympho.

stop-eating hot!

That's a very serious thing in my culture.

But not on the wine that you made, okay? Because I just don't want to go back to the emergency room.

This is a hundred-thousand-ruble note, which is worth approximately.. nothing.

Well, after eight years of research, I discovered.. that it can't be done.

To people who base eight years of research on a typo in a scientific journal.

Because I'm not seeing anybody. I just totally made that up. / Really? / I don't know why, I'm sorry. I guess I just didn't want to lose face.

Hey, there's Phoebe. Is that Mike she's with? / No, that's David. / There's a third guy? / Tip of the iceberg.

Are you always tired? Because that could be a sign of clinical depression.

Why not? Just because his great-grandmother was obese? Our kid's gonna get that from you anyway.

Yeah, he's better! / No, he's not. / If I can't get pregnant with you, then I don't want to get pregnant by him.. or anyone else.

I'm the husband. I'm supposed to bring the sperm.

And I wanna mess it up in our own specific way.

Wait. If we're lucky, and we're really, really, really quiet.. we may be able to hear the sound of a condom breaking.

You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning on keeping her baby, would you?