Im Leslie Knope

Absotootly, I am. Very sorry that I just used that word.

Leslie's confident 'Nope' after being asked about scandals

Multiple 'Yay!' exchanges followed by 'Wait. What does that mean about you and Ben? I don't know. I think it's going to be really bad.'

Uh-oh! Do you want to go back to saying 'yay'? Yes, please. Yay! Yay!

No, my other ex-wife, Tammy. Tammy One.

I have accrued 228 personal days. Starting right now, I'm using all of them.

Also, I keep a sizable supply of ground chuck in my desk. Remove it or it will begin to smell.

Hey, Ron. Move. Oh, jeez.

Warning. High levels of swagger coming through.

What exactly do we do? Let's just say, it's too hard to explain.

Donna, you look amazing. How are the kids? I don't have kids. Wow. How long has it been? Three weeks.

How do you feel about my stance on Egyptian debt relief? It probably won't come up in a local city council election.

While other girls were playing with Barbies, I was playing with a Geraldine Ferraro action figure, that I made myself from a picture of her that I glued onto a Popsicle stick.

Ladies. Just ladies. Meeting for the ladies' yacht club. Anchors away, ladies.

Oh, Ann. You beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby.

A penis. What? Oh, my God. Oh. It's emailing me, too.

You know what? Respect. That's a baller move. Pun intended.

If I could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, I would. Wow, that is so sweet. Thank you.

Oh! She can do Perd Hapley. Seriously. Can you do his TV show?

Black print, black background. It's the coolest possible color scheme. It's also a strong magnet, so keep it out of your wallet. It will destroy your credit cards. Guaranteed.

Destroy my credit cards. Debt and everything? Mr. Mayor, I promise you that we will find the owner of that wiener, and we will punish him.

The testicles are like the ears of the genital system. They serve a very important function, but they're not that great to look at.

Well, frankly, Perd, it's not that big a deal, if you know what I mean. I don't know what you mean, but it had the cadence of a joke.

There you have it, where 'it' is the thing Leslie Knope just said about this situation.

It's an L-shaped éclair. The 'L' is for Leslie, for your name.

Well, I started crying because he gave me an eclair. And then we made out and spent the night together. But this morning, in the cold light of day, I cooked breakfast and we made out some more.

Wow! You opposite of broke up with him. He gave me an éclair, Ann.

stinkmaster69@alumni.sarahlawrencecollege.edu. Really? Sarah Lawrence? Yeah. I wanted a small college experience.

There's an old sewage department saying, 'if you've got a nice drain pipe, there's no reason to hide it.' I doubt that's a saying.

And you have the mumps. You might want to get that checked. Sweet. Someone's got mumps on his lumps.

UP high. Anyone? Ron isn't here. His ex-wife, Tammy, came, and he got scared and ran away.

Well, as acting manager of the Parks Department, I declare that everything you are saying is stupid. Hah! I love you.

So, take it. But, working at a start-up can be kind of risky. So, don't take it. But Tom told me to follow my dreams. So, take it. But this isn't my dream. So, don't take it.

I don't know what to do. Me, neither. You give such good advice. Babe, I love you. You're welcome.

Your inbox is literally filled with penises. Oh, look. Ed Miller from Payroll.

Do you need to get that? No, it's just penises.

It's the entire Sanitation Department, from Muncie. Ugh!

I would like a glass of red wine, and I'll take the cheapest one you have because I can't tell the difference.

I'm going to go to the bathroom. The whiz palace, as we like to call it here.

If you're going to stay here, there are three rules you need to follow. One, no talk about Tammy One. Two, no talk about Ben. Three, no talk.

You just violated rules number one and three. You lose your coffee privileges.

I'd really love to shoot a gun right now. Fishing it is.

Perfect. Just as a backup, I'm sending you some photos. That will not be necessary. That's me.

You think Bethenny Frankel sits behind a desk all day? She makes $100 million a year. How much do you make a year? $101 million.

That's not what my company does. Although, maybe we'll start.

I figure we build a fire, roast the fish we shot, and make s'mores. I don't have the material for s'mores. I do. I always carry emergency s'more rations in my car.

You know, when I was 12, my brother shot me in the pinky toe with a nail gun. Granted, it was a hilarious prank, and we all had a good laugh.

You only have nine toes? I have the toes I have. Let's just leave it at that.

Sorry. That was uncalled for.

Shoe shining has been a pretty wild ride, but is it possible there's something more out there for me?

One year from now, you, Andy Dwyer, will no longer be a shoe-shinist.

Kyle, beat it. I'm going to make out with my wife now. But you've only done half of one of my shoes. Here. Now, I haven't done anything. Scram, kid.

Will you pledge right now not to raise taxes? I think that's premature. No pledge, no vote.

Leslie, I'm going to work my ass off for you. I'll do anything you ask me. I will prove myself. You don't even have to pay me.

She has the tracking ability and body odor of a bloodhound.

That man has the largest penis I have ever seen. I actually don't even know if he has mumps. I forgot to look. I was distracted, by the largest penis I have ever seen.

It's not you, it's me. I'm not ready for a commitment. I just don't like you anymore. I know it's hard to hear that, but You're boring. And, frankly, you disgust me.

Leslie, there was a dude in the ladies' yacht club. Yeah, but I covered that pretty well.

Also, you've been making campaign speeches in your sleep. Granted, you always do that, but they got really specific and moving.

Or, perhaps, guilt for all the times I tried to smother you in your sleep.

Sit up straight. You're not doing your breasts any favors. Thank you. Honey, your breasts look amazing.