Ron And Jammy

I just farted.

and human equivalent of gas station sushi

Jammy.

Why? Dear God, why?

Hit it off at karaoke. She saw me nail Gangsta's Paradise, I saw her bite the door guy.

And you can trust my opinion because I have a lot to gain by being right, and I have severe tunnel vision about achieving my goals.

because it's a hotel in Los Angeles, not a wine.

No, because he's been famously dead for 60 years.

You said your name was Glenn? Yes, I did. That's pretty.

She once gave every member in her audience a car. One car, that they all had to fight for.

Tom. What does culinary mean? It means it's a cause for celebration.

Let me also get a chicken parm and a lasagna on the side. And a spaghetti to go. On the house!

In my experience with butt faces, you are one.

Please don't say Hitler. Adolf Hitler! I'm with Swanson. It's a stache thing. Stache bros.

Thank you, Commissioner Gordon, people of Gotham. Okay. She thinks she's in Batman.

On a separate note, I think that America should have a purge night. Let me explain why.

I must be the first person ever to have money, power, and notoriety, but still feel empty.

That's my cousin. How about her? That's my dad!

Why are you only friends with your family?

Think about what you're saying right now. 'Cause it's the smartest idea anyone's ever had!

And I know this because earlier I sneaked and snooked around and Jammy was supposed to vote for me! The snooker has become the snorked!

Are you horny with gratitude?

It's like rescuing a bunny from a lion. But that lion is a demonic sociopath with really nice cleavage.

Chicago! The big apple.

That's what murderers do before they murder someone.

You're not gonna murder me, are you?

Head coach of the Chicago Bulls. No, he's working at a non-profit. No. What? Am I?

I'm just gonna go live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross.

That it doesn't count as stripping if no one pays you? Yes, she did say that.

And I'm scared of death.

People are dying to get in.

She has my stool analyzed just to keep me honest.

But, you know, it's good, you know? I'm better now. I mean, sure, I'm depressed, and I'm constantly sick, and nothing really brings me joy. But it just feels right.

Hey, look at that. More hair came out.

You can watch Hitch 2 anytime, anywhere! Finally! That's the dream.

Dammit, Ron! Engage in the culture once in a while!

You keep that in your desk?

We haven't done the deed yet. She lets me rub up against her leg sometimes.

Why is every job just paperwork?

being embalmed by some weirdo who had to go to school for three years just to cut my guts open.

Hey there, horsey. Time to mount up and ride on into Bonertown.

To hell with you woman, goodbye.

It's a crotch blinder of my own design.

She survived on rats and rainwater.

Come work for me in Pawnee?

Hey, this is why they call it Beantown, huh?

Literally. All the steak and whiskey, I have to wear a diaper.

There's a prize inside for you.

Turns out the crotch blinder was inside you all along.

Saturn's Return.

When I was your age, I got banned from every riverboat in Germany.

No, I'm not. I've never cared for you.

Although, if I had to pick one side, it would be Lucy Liu's backside.

I always just put six. So far, so good. Dude, you are totally going to jail.

Five-second rule!