The One with Chandler and Monica's Wedding (Part 1)

From now on, it's you four and me and the missus. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.

Old? - The young, hot ball and chain.

Joey, you too? I just heard 'lunch.' Yeah, I can go. Sure.

If you need money, it's a bad time. I'm buying 128 dinners tomorrow.

I'm not gonna say this as your friend... but as Monica's older brother. - But you're still my friend? - Not for a few minutes. - Right now, are you still my best man? - No.

Do I still call you Ross?

What? I'm serious.

You won't believe what Monica's brother just said to me!

I'm responsible for all those. I had to go with the odds.

Back then we called it 'The Great War.' It really was.

See you. I'm off to fight the Nazis.

Wait, Joey. We fought the Nazis in WWII, not WWI. Who was in WWI?

Who did we fight in WWI? - Mexico? - Yes. Very good.

I can't believe this. This is incredible. You just won an Oscar. - No, I didn't. - I think you did. - I think I lost, three times.

I thought it might be a cool character thing. He's a face toucher.

Can my dad borrow one of your pearl necklaces? Did he say what kind of neckline he's wearing?

I just met him once, but I'm guessing... plunging? He is more of a if-you've-got-it-flaunt-it kind of father.

Yes, include more people in this.

I have a date tomorrow night.

Well, Chandler.

If you're calling after Saturday, you've reached Mr. And Mrs. Bing. Please leave a message for... the Bings!

We're the Bings.

Thanks for wearing... something.

This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up too much for this.

Just think, soon there will be lots of little Bings.

I can't believe I'm going back to work to get spit on again.

You're lucky. At least the people that spit on you are famous.

Are you his mother or father?

What? I've never seen one before.

I wasn't even able to act like I'm okay with it.

Aren't you a little old to wear a dress like that? Don't you have a little too much penis to wear a dress like that?

Of course you can kick his ass, son. You could kick anyone's ass you want to.

He's the man in the black dress.

A man, duh!

Dr. Ross Geller. Dad, please. As I was saying... I'm Dr. Ross Geller.

And he would've married her, only she couldn't control her bladder. It was his dog. Did I say it was his dog?

Maybe I can wear the dress for Halloween!

I said, I'll do it. Who wants it? Anybody? I said, I'll do it. Nobody? All right, I'll do it myself. I'm not gonna screw it up.

What grandmother?

And, if I remember correctly, Ray-Ban was the official sponsor of WWI.

Maybe it's not what we think. Maybe it's: 'Tell Monica I'm sorry I drank the last of the milk.' Or 'Tell Monica I'm sorry I used her tweezers to pluck my nose hair.' He does that. I've seen him.

Or maybe he was writing to tell her that he's changed his name: 'Tell Monica I'm Sorry.'

Good God, isn't it possible that 'Sorry' is sitting in there right now?

But if you don't find him and bring him back... I am gonna hunt you down and kick your ass!

I just hope that someday you guys find someone like Chandler. I hope we find someone exactly like Chandler and soon.

Could you lower the script? I don't want to.

That's what real actors do. Enunciation is the mark of a good actor. And when you enunciate, you spit!

Then we'll see you the day after tomorrow.

Gunther? She just added him to her list.

And if you see Rita Moreno, let her know I'm looking for her.

Great scene! You were awesome. In that last speech, you soaked me.

No, you gotta get me out of it. I have plans. Important plans!

I'm getting married today! I cracked a rib, but I don't care. Today's my wedding! My day is finally here!

She might not even notice he's gone.

But she'll be in the gown and then he won't show up... then she'll have to take off the gown... Stop it. You can't do this here.

This is Monica's bathroom, right?

There was a pregnancy test in the garbage. And it's positive. Monica's pregnant.

So I guess she won't be totally alone.

Can this count as her 'something new'?

It's turning into the worst wedding ever. The bride's pregnant, the groom's missing and I'm still holding this.

Just for the future. This is hardly a commercial for it.

Pretty sure they both think I'm interested in them.

I have documented night blindness.

I'm never gonna get married! Maybe I should just forget about it. Become a lesbian or something.

Maybe I'd feel better if I slept with Joey.

Yeah, I'm marrying my best friend. Isn't that beautiful?

It's not on my head.

I'm wearing two belts.

That is an old Chinese woman.

He could be in disguise, you know.

How'd you guys find me? I knew I should've hid at the gym.

Panicking. And using the Internet to try to prove that I'm related to Monica.

Have you ever put on a black dress and asked me up to your hotel room?

I don't race cars or make popcorn. None of my proceeds go to charity.

Right now no one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this.

Depends on what you mean by 'we.'

Good old Chandler with the homophobic jokes.

Who's Mike Smith? I was sure this was my office.

The days and nights are hard, I get it!

That's such a hard time for me.

Oh, good God, I've fallen down.

Found the vest. We'll have to keep an eye on it, make sure we don't lose it again.

For a minute, I was like, 'Oh, my God! The worst has happened!'

Look, my best friends are getting married in, like, an hour, okay? And I'm the minister. Please, can you pull it together?

Slippery little bugger!

At least I think that was what he said. It was difficult to understand with his legs wrapped around my head.

I'm so happy for me.

Damn it!

Don't hang up on me! I'll marry you and me right now! I have the power!

Anastassakis Papasifakis wedding. Excellent.

They're my friends, Monica Stephanopolis. And Chandler Acidophilus.

That was after the wedding. It's not bad luck then. Honey, it isn't good luck.

These are beads of joy. Don't touch me.

Why would you play hide-and-seek with someone you know is a flight risk?

You wouldn't happen to have a very big fork?

Is that my ass?

You're not walking out on my sister! I'm serious! What, you'll 'hi-yah'?

And I thought, 'Anything that can fit into this can't be scary.' You obviously didn't see Chucky III.

I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce.

Not that old crone. My mother.

Is this new? Not now.

I can take it from here. Thanks.

You may be confused by this now... but you won't be Memorial Day weekend, 2002.

Let's get started before the groom takes off again.

And now, as I've left my notes in my dressing room... we shall proceed to the vows.

He took off? Go on. Go on.

Unless you don't want to.

Oh, wait. Do you take each other? I do. I do. Yeah, you do!

What baby? Our baby. We have a baby?

Look at them. And they're gonna have a baby.