The One with All the Candy

No, no. One daddy, two mommies.

It was my sixth birthday. My dad took me to the park... and I got on it and... it bent.

But she gave me the box that it came in. It had a picture of the bike on the front. So I would sit on it and my stepdad would drag me around the backyard.

That is so unfair. / Not really, I got to drag him around too.

the red-haired guy who does not like to be called Rusty

Wouldn't it be easier if we just moved?

We are not... going to let it... be a problem. / Wow. It took you all night to come up with that plan?

Matt Wire, Mark Lynn, Ben Wise... / Anymore.

Are you serious? / No, I've just always wanted to do that.

Did you eat all the neighbor candy? / Uh, well, yeah, that was the plan. But by the time I got to it there was only a couple pieces left.

Make some more lasagna too. Something might have happened to a huge chunk of it.

Mine stole my newspaper. It's like a crime wave.

Oh, and Chandler's about to cry. / Am not.

Do you know what time it is? / It's candy time.

He does not know that I am not 'some of us.'

I said that you were a good kisser... and, uh, that I liked your teeny, tiny tushy.

Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision.

And under problems with performance, I wrote, 'Dear God, I hope not.'

Hey, you cry every time somebody talks about Titanic. / Those two had only each other.

See?

Because 'tushy' can mean both ass... and good worker.

I tell you, this little talent came in handy before I could afford porn.

Maybe. Isn't she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud? / BOTH: Yeah, that's her.

You know what would work? Stop making candy.

You want to talk about getting people to like you, huh, funny man?

Perhaps like an airplane seat, or a beanbag chair.

Okay. I would ring the bell to distract him... and then I would knock the gun out of his hand with a Chinese throwing star.

You swore.

By the way, the week before your wedding, you may not see a lot of me.

Well, I would love to... but the bike got stolen and the police have no suspects.

The bike... is dying.

All right. If you care enough to make up that load of crap, okay.

You wrote that you have a cute tushy? / Yes. I have a weird sense of humor. And I'm kind of strangely proud of my butt.

Are you kidding me? With a cute butt like this, I'd find work.

Candy Lady? / No, not 'Candy Lady.' / If we know it, can we get candy?

No, smokes-a-lot lady blew smoke directly into my mouth.

Don't be so corny, Ross. It's not an After School Special.