The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS

Since when do you take naps in that position?

That cute waiter guy that looks like a nonthreatening Ray Liotta?

I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!

I don't care if I said some other girl's name, you prissy old twit!

Way to suck up to the family!

I'm so glad you're all here. My office finally got wrinkle-free fax paper!

Oh, it's '4-3,' not 4-2. Well, which 4-2?

Vomit tux? Who vomited on?

That's the kind of math Joey likes to do.

A lot of those muppets don't have thumbs.

All I got was a lousy key chain, and by that time, I was living in a box. I didn't have keys!

Are you calling me selfish? Are you calling you people?

You know the deal on Santa Claus?

When you said 'the deal with Santa,' you meant...? That he doesn't exist. Right.

Really?

Why is that funny? Because I'm very happy for him. And you! You lucky dog!

But you live here. You know that.

You can just video-conference with him.

I'm sure your ex-wife would be more than happy to move so you can patch things up with your new wife.

Tea. They have a queen.

So? She's a woman.

Nobody's going to London. Welcome to London, governor.

It'll be great because we'll have Big Ben and little Ben in the same city.

Yeah, we leave all our big decisions to the 3-year-old.

It'll be just like Three's Company, only there's a kid and my wife and you're the gay ones.

You don't seem to understand. I was Dr. Drake Ramoray.

Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!

I gave birth to three children and I won't let them be raised in a world where Joey's right!

If you're cooking on the stove, that means your new boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?

If this guy was me, and it's me who'd learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be like this:

We're going to be like two idiots in love!

Thanks for the help. Problem solved!

Maybe just put the whole duck in there. Who cares?

How many times have I told you to never watch the cooking channel?

We used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.

Williams-Sonoma, fall catalog, page 27. Expect it in 4 to 6 weeks.

Well, I think I'd be a little out of my league, but I'd give it a shot.

I went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.

It helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends.

You know, the bee probably died after he stung you.

Damn it!

Quick broiling pan question

Maybe next time your duck can puke in something from Pottery Barn.

It's not a toy.

Let me see. Will Chandler have sex tonight?

'Don't Count On It.' Seems like it works to me.

Looks like Stella's gonna get her groove back tonight!

I'm still mad at them, but they bring happiness to lots of kids whose moms didn't kill themselves.

A hamster? Those things are, like, $10. Not the one I had my eye on.

Oh, no!

If I'm the best, it's only because you made me the best.

Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long.

We owe it to sex!

No, no, no! Leave the gloves on.