Unknown

No, no, we're done. We're done, man.

And we're done with the yogurt.

-What you got? -400 pictures of Ben on a rug.

-Pardon? -Nothing. Just a little extra air in my mouth.

That's funny. Very funny.

-China? -For the museum. Someone found a bone. They don't want us to have it.

I may only have a couple beers in me, but I love you.

I'm still on my first.

I just think you're nice.

Hey, what are you guys doing? / We're just hanging out by the spoons. / Ladle?

This is the most natural, beautiful thing in the world. / Yeah, we know. But there's a baby sucking on it.

Yeah, it tastes kind of sweet. Sort of like, uh... Like what? Cantaloupe juice. Exactly.

Hold me close, young Tony Danza

I got a call at 2 in the morning and all I could hear was this squeaky sound. So I thought, 'Oh, it's a mouse or a possum.'

where would a mouse or a possum get the money to make the phone call?

Getting it away from me would be job one.

Cool! Oh, it looks like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal.

Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away.

Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed!

Down at the docks. You know, you can get it wholesale. / I didn't know there were docks.

You tell the doctor you did it jumping on your bed? / No. I had a whole story worked out, but then... Chandler sold me out.

Do I look fat? / No. / I accept that.

You looked at her? / You never look. You just answer. It's like a reflex. 'Do I look fat?' 'No.' 'Is she prettier than I am?' 'No.'

'Does size matter?' / And it works both ways.

I didn't stalk her. / I asked for the news, not the weather.

He describes himself as a male Gina Davis. / You mean there's more than one of us?

Wow! This guy's an astronaut? / That would have been cool... for a day.

Every year.

Says who? Your mom? Ha-ha-ha. Yes.

No, no, no. You say that proudly!

And was the curse lifted?

Wait. How we gonna get there? My mom won't let me cross the street.

And then 'Tennilles.'

Why don't we just bunny up? What? Bunny! Bunny!

Wow, just like in the pros.

So what do you guys really think of Chandler?

No, no, actually, losers rhyme.

Great. Now the score's seven to almost seven.

Until we start to look very small.

Wow, you're, like, from a whole other country!

Tackled by a girl! Bet you don't see that every day.

Enough 'geography for the insane.' Let's play ball.

Oh, my God. You dated someone with a glass eye too?

Isn't there a 'national football league'? Yes, there is. They play on Sundays and Monday nights. Oh, shoot! I work Monday nights.

I don't know. I guess the other people just don't care enough.

Well, as old as he is in dog years...do you think Snoopy should still be allowed to fly this thing?

On behalf of the Brown Birds of America, I salute you. [TWEETS]

Just admit it. You have no backhand. / Excuse me, little one. I have a very solid backhand.

Shielding your face and shrieking like a girl...is not a backhand. / I was shrieking...like a Marine.

You broke a little girl's leg?

What do you think she'd like? / Maybe a Hello Kitty doll? / The ability to walk?

Look out, kids. He's coming.

All right. I'll take a box of the cream-filled Jesuses.

Does this mean we're gonna have to start paying for coffee?

Well, you sure used a large font. / Uh, yeah. Well, 'Waitress at a Coffeehouse'...and 'Cheer Squad Co-captain' only took up so much room.

You and your stupid Fear. I hate your Fear. I would like to take you and your Fear... / Hey. I got great news. / Run, Joey. Run for your life.

I'm not gonna tell you. You're the bad man who broke Sarah's leg. / Hey, now. That was an accident, okay? / You're a big scrud.

What's a scrud? / Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud? / I don't have to. I can just look at you.

Eight hundred and seventy-one. / That's crap.

Well, seeing that drunk Santa wet himself really perked up my Christmas.

Looks like Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.

Should I tell her I ordered tea? / No. / No. / No.

Now, Mr. Kaplan Sr. Likes his coffee strong. So you're gonna use two bags instead of one, see? Now, pay attention because this part's tricky. See, some people use filters just once.

Does everybody hate these shoes? - Yeah. But don't worry. Nobody's gonna focus on that if you wear that towel-dress.

It's her first day at this new job. You're not supposed to start with her.

Botanists are such geeks. Is that a dinosaur tie?

Is this a lunch box? - No, it's a purse. And there's a thermos in it.

A stripper at a bachelor party. That is so cliché. Why don't you guys get a magician?

Don't cry out loud.

'Three years of modern dance with Twyla Tharp'? 'Five years with the American Ballet Theatre'?

Oh, no, no, no, no. - What is that? - Sure, it looks stupid now. There's no music playing.

How'd it go? - Knocked over a girl.

Wait, I've got something for you. - Mark. - It's okay. Rachel knows. - Yeah, but even so.

All right, that's it! Get off of her! - What is going on? - What's going on? I'll tell you what's going on!

What was that? - I know. It's the best I could get out of them.

That's all I'm looking for from these people.

She's more... You know? And you're more...

One of those 'look for the hidden meaning' songs.

If 'big-fish place' comes up again...I'd like to know if that's several big fish or just one big fish.

Jeez, man! Did you fall...? Hi! So did you? Did you fall high?

You two must've been so cute, running around on a barge.

The movie star

You're really not making us want to hear it less.

Don't tell us. We'll wait till Chandler gets home. It'll be more fun that way.

Oh, my God! You threw Pepper on the fire!

Oh, my God! You threw it on the fire?

I can't believe you don't know. I actually don't know.

Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world. Yeah, come to Papa!

What do you want to show us? Because all I can see is this bitchen van!

We'll replace the sword with a baguette.

Oh, my God, I think I lost my virginity in that van.

Oh yeah, I definitely know her.

Sure, Cilantro Larry!

...dozens of people!

That was me, hopping on board.

Gandalf? Gandalf is coming to town?

Wow, okay. Dude alert!

Mike 'Gandalf' Ganderson. Only the funnest guy in the world.

Remember those strippers? And you paid me $50 to eat that book?

No, I had sex in high school.

Neither can you, Sophie, but for different reasons.

-Really? -No.

Yeah. I mean, no.

Kidding!

You go out for beer and end up on a boat to Nova Scotia.

I got my passport, fresh socks, and a snakebite kit.

Somewhere maybe along the equator?

Chicago's so lucky.

Stupid, useless... Canadian money!

Because it would be silly to take it out if we're just gonna put it back in again.

I balanced my checkbook. And I gave first names to all the foosball players.

Those were seals, man.

Thank God! I'm exhausted.

I don't want to be up too late, so I'll have a decaf.

I used them as mittens. I didn't want to touch a thing in that last place.

And so what if I like to go home, put on Kenny G and take a bath?

We're 29. We're not women.

So you been doing this long? No. You're my first. Put the money on the table.

-Is that an expensive blouse? -If you want it to be.

Here's your girlfriend's button.

So, what is this? Googlie Worm. And this? Glow Pop Jiggly Jam. It's so funny!

What's this? A hunk of sandwich from last year.

Geller's got one hooked! Looks like a big one!

Someone knocked over a lamp.

Well, except you.

There's nothing I can do. He's still in his sweats. That's only phase one.

Phase two? Getting drunk and going to a strip club.

How does going there make him better? There are naked ladies there.

Then to phase three: seeing yourself with other women. There are naked ladies there too.

Hello. -Damn you. -Could I have a moment?

Wow, and I can't resist that line. That's why I never wear sweatpants.

You see? He just needed his pal to come home.

Chandler's still in phase one, and Joey's that thing you smell.

Don't you just love the way they talk?

Run 10 blocks. That'll help the smell.

It's 9:30 a.m. They got a breakfast buffet.

You can't go back a phase! You're thinking about time. You can't go back in time.

We can be guys! No, you can't. Let us be guys! Maybe we want to be guys.

No, you don't. You'd be all hairy and wouldn't live as long.

Look at that. Charlton Heston eating licorice.

Thanks to you, the hottest waitress is quitting to teach the third grade!

It's Joshua. He doesn't like 'Josh'? No, I don't.

I liked that fighter pilot one. Candy? She was so spunky!

I'm Joshua. I'm here to pick up Rachel. That's not Joshua. What do you want from me? I never met the guy.

We went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs at the museum. / Without me?

There's a Phoebe on my sandwich!

I couldn't possibly eat another bite. I need something sweet.

Monica, your remote doesn't work. You have to lift it and point.

Very nice. The other day, I was at the bus stop... and this lovely fall breeze came and blew this chick's skirt up.

Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs.

It's not so much an underpant as a feat of engineering.

And they play with your mind. Is it there? Is it not there?

Are you aware that you're still talking? Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong?

I don't know. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction?

And I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything.

It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay and abandoned its family.

Every time you tell that story, that guy's accent gets thicker and thicker.

So are he and your dad still together? No. After they got their own place, the houseboy got his own houseboy.

Really? Worse than, 'More turkey, Mr. Chandler?'

Did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler?

Of course, you don't, sweetie. You're brand-new.

Joey got a turkey stuck on his head? It's not like it sounds. It's exactly like it sounds.

Call them Mom and Dad, you loser.

I can't believe you let George Michael slap you.

Toes on Ice, coming soon to Madison Square Garden.

You look just like your son, Mrs. Tribbiani.

You okay there, man? Yeah. I got too excited.

I don't think they're as much dating as they are... two bottles of vodka walking around in human form.

If you marry in Vegas, you're only married in Vegas.

It's a buffet, man.

Now, I'm drunk right now. I can't have a mimosa with breakfast? I'm on vacation.

Yeah, that guy's finally gonna be able to put in that pool.

Hey, you guys ever wonder why they call it 'Thanksgiving'?

Pat the dog. Oh! Oh! I get it!!

Oh, I probably shouldn't? so I will!

Call security. Pheebs, didn't you get fired?

-Give it. -It's gone.

We're practically kissing.

Will you marry me?

Hey, you marry me.

-Who drank all the kamikazes? -Nobody. We put them in here!

Now, this is a nice suit!

Joey! Joey, good one!

It's a trip for two. Enchanté.

She's not as pretty as she was when she was 29.

Really? Is that how you felt when you turned 30? Why, God, why? We had a deal. Let the others grow old, not me!

Your roommate's a soap opera star. Your character is in a coma.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry at this one.

Ross, a sports car? Wouldn't it be cheaper to just stuff a sock down there?

What's the horsepower? I don't know, but look how shiny!

For the last time, it's not named after each individual man.

It's older than that. Ross was conceived right near this tuxedo.

That they know of.

What about your breath? That's still yours.

I'll break into this minivan, put it in neutral. You push it forward so Ross can get out of the spot.

Yeah, we're not 30. We're 31. That's what it says on my birth certificate. You have a birth certificate?

Do you have mine? No, I sold it to a Swedish runaway.

Your middle name is Pamela? Yes. I never knew mine. Do you remember what it is? Yes. Phoebe. That's my first name. Right. Okay. Then, no.

I'll get twice as drunk, then no one will even notice her.

And you want to have them all at the same time and all for your brother.

Really? That long?

I'm telling you, it's like watching Bambi learn how to walk.

I want to make love to you right here, right now. I really wish that you wouldn't.

I didn't even have to take off my top yet.

That's not gonna happen. Because we have a new deal.

That's one thing to cross off your list.

Plus, I'm one-sixteenth Portuguese.

You want to buy a car?

Is that something you're making up? / No, no, no, it's real! And it has been, since 1998.

Hey, out of all of us, who do you think will get married next?

Probably Monica and Chandler.

Is that why you had to get married?

Ah, slow swimmers?

Find anything that doesn't say, 'I died tragically in France.'

Ed Begley Jr. is not gay.

Funny 'ha-ha,' or funny--?

That's how the French drink it.

This is why you register.

You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet.

I am so gonna score!

I'm gonna have you arrested. You stole my moves.

It's negative.

No, it's positive.

That's a risky little game.

I can't make it.

Tell me you're not gonna dress like a dinosaur. Not two years in a row.

Halloween is stupid. Dressing up, pretending to be someone you're not. / You're an actor.

Seriously, guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.

Maybe you do that next time you get married

This cake is amazing! My God, get a room. I would get a room with this cake. I think I could show this cake a good time.

If you had to, what would you give up, food or sex? Sex. Seriously, answer faster.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey. But when she said 'sex,' I wasn't thinking about sex with you.

It's like a giant hug.

How about sex or dinosaurs?

I don't know, it's too hard. No, you gotta pick one. Food. No, sex. Food. Sex. Food. Sex-- I don't know! Oh, God, I want both!

She looks just like a little doll. Oh, no, that is a doll.

Oh, thank God, because that thing's really creepy.

Look! Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.

That had to hurt!

Is that what you say to Chandler?

How bad do you wanna stick your tongue on that?

Jeez, Ross. You could've showered. - It's the dog.

Okay, well, stop staring at them. - She brought them up.

Rock on!