Angela Martin

We all think you don't have a surprise.

I think green is kind of whorish.

Dwight get out of here what are you doing in the ladies room...? - You are a pervert!

I do play games, I sing, and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games, just not at work.

I call it Pam-Pong, I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you. We're friends. Apparently.

I made brownies. And I made cookies. Same category.

I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.

Liar! You are a liar. No, I'm not! Ohh.

Do you think I should have gotten the big ones? / We'll see.

Wasn't there a $20 limit on the gifts? / This is 400 bucks. / You don't know that. / Yeah, you left the price on.

Michael should have asked the party planning committee first. He's not just supposed to just spring things on us out of nowhere.

I want an SUV with three rows of seats.

Jan aspires to be a whore.

I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day. Oh, I bet you will before the day is over.

I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat. I like it a little cooler, around 66 degrees. I'm more productive. Maybe some people don't like it as cold as I do. But I don't care.

I've never ever seen you take a sick day. Well, I've seen you take enough for the both of us.

I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well behaved boys.

When should we bring out the cake, 1:00 or 1:30? 1:00 is good. 1:30.

Where do we get those? Not my problem.

Michael wants a stripper gram? Yes, but he doesn't want to know when or whom.

But don't expect any cookie. But what if I'm hungry? No cookie.

I forget, are you guys dating? No.

It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.

Don't monkey me. You can't wait to get out of here, ARM.

In the Martin family, we like to say... looks like someone took the slow train from Philly. That's code for 'Check out the slut.'

Wear your wedding dress. That would be a great icebreaker. And your veil. Yeah. Do it.

Not everyone approves of Movie Monday. I won't say who. / I don't approve. I don't.

but sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair.

Angela's horror at Michael trying to fit the bird in a tiny box

It's not a songbird. Shh.

Do you want to make Appletinis and watch Sex and the City at my place?

I find this incredibly offensive. Well, I find it beautiful. Well, whatever Kelly wants to do in her own house is fine. But we shouldn't all be subjected to it.

Isn't this fun, not wearing shoes? I wish some of us still had our shoes on. Stop it. It's a disease. I've...told you.

Andy's screensaver compliment to Angela

Angela's breast on Andy's computer screen

Angela's Hooters restaurant defense

As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that.

I thought you said green was whorish. No, orange is whorish.

You tried this out. And it's clearly not for you. It's time to go.

What's your funding? $200. What's ours again? Um, $201.

As ranking number three in this office... Um, eh... I'm number three. You're number four.

Angela saying an end-of-day luau is impossible

Angela asking about poi ingredients and pig availability at the petting zoo

Is it a big deal? / Is it, Kevin? / Do you really not know? / Because it is a big deal.

This friend of mine? let's call her, Noelle. She missed this deadline... But then this gallant gentleman? We'll call him Kurt. he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her!

I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world.

Because I'm gay. No- no- Certain events have transpired, and I've thought about certain things.

Can I join too? Never.

Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office. Shut up, Angela!

Always the bridesmaids, right, ladies?

You look as beautiful as the Queen of England. Thank you. Don't linger. Break left. Left.

Could you scoot over? You're on my dress. I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding. I know, but there was an emergency. I look really good in white.

Your dress is very white. It's so white, my eyes are burning. Thanks, Angela.

Jim's vampire symptoms: headache from Angela's crucifix glare

No, it's not. It's my bowl.

He has spent hours up here at reception with you. Hours and hours. / Okay... okay. / No, constantly... like, for years.

Will I be too warm in a long-sleeved tee? / Everyone's going to be fine in exactly what they're wearing! Let's go!

There are petite adults who are sort of... smaller who need to wear... maybe a kids' size 10.

Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.

I don't want to hit the big rock. Don't worry, you're not... I know I'm near the big rock. I just know it. Nowhere near the big rock.

Go tell somebody. What, Andy? Andy, what should I tell them? Go tell them I'm floating away, obviously! I don't understand what you want from me.

Angela, it's pretty simple. Look at what I'm doing, and go tell somebody it! Sorry. Aah... Bye, Andy. Angela!

I already sold my condo. / Michael... / Why? / I'm sorry. That just doesn't make sense.

There's bad blood, jealousies, cliques...

Can you do me a little favor? Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine? Sure. I have to visit the alkie.

Roll the insulin in your hands. Don't shake it... Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine... there's a fungal cream because she has this infection under her tail...

Any problems? Well, you left the TV on, and your cat is dead.

When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer where Dwight said he left her. But all my bags of frozen French fries had been clawed to shreds.

You did kill her? I sang her her favorite songs. You put her in my freezer. It was beautiful and gentle and respectful.

Cat heaven is a beautiful place, but you don't get there if you're euthanized.

Pam is the office mattress.

It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed. Her name was Sprinkles. And his name is Garbage.

Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side. I would prefer a public place.

Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles? Very much. How is your meat? Dry, delicious.

I heard a joke today. Oh, that's funny. Yes, it was.

Every time I look in your eyes, I see Sprinkles' stiff, lifeless body. Then don't look in my eyes. Look right here. It's an old sales trick.

I will leave your toothbrush on top of your tire tomorrow morning.

I can't tell if he's mocking me. - Just ignore him. Can't do that. It's really hard for me to let things go. I was. Mocking. Thank you.

Maybe you could just change the 'u' into an 'a'. Then it would say 'lanch' party, Kevin. Would it be better if it said 'lanch' party?

Easy, booster seat. Nobody cares about this party anyway.

Plan a party, Angela. Oh, and the entire world will see it. Oh! And here's $65 for your budget. And here are 4 idiots who'll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh, and your cat's still dead.

Phyllis, these are spoons. Spoons have round tops and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks which have prongs or tiny spears on top. And we need knives which have blades. Do you understand me now? Yes. Goody.

How do you tell someone it's over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary?

Hey, do you have any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man. I'll get back to you. Let me know.

Here you are, my dear. One thing made of ice. How did you... Where-- Where did you... It's just ice. It'll melt all over the floor. - Will you help me put it over there? - Yes, I will. Excuse me. I stole it.

Angela to Andy: 'You may ask me out to dinner. Nothing fancy or foreign. No bars, no patios, no vegetables. And no seafood.'

I don't care, but yes. I don't care, and you won't. You'll see. I won't be watching, and I won't.

Then it would say 'Lanch Party,' Kevin. Would it really be better if it said 'Lanch Party'?

'Plan a party, Angela. Oh, and the entire world will see it.' 'Oh, and here's $65 for your budget.' 'Oh, and here are four idiots who will do nothing but weigh you down.' 'Oh, and your cat's still dead.'

Phyllis, these are spoons. Spoons have rounded tops and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks, which have prongs or tiny spears on top. And we need knives, which have blades. Do you understand me now?

How do you tell someone it's over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary?

Alfredo's Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza By Alfredo? Same thing. No. No, it's not.

No. No way. I am not a machine, Jim. You can't just change plans willy nilly and expect these little magic party elves to do your bidding.

I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.

Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately, if you know what I'm saying. I'm right here.

If I'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine in 1 hour, you're both dead.

By show of hands, who thinks we're a better couple than Jim and Pam?

The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.

Ex-squeeze me. / No, I will ex-squeeze you.

Oh, we done good in there, half-pint. / Well, that was the last time, Dwight. I mean it.

No! You do not talk to him like that! / But he's an idiot! / He is not an idiot. / Thank you, Holly. / He is mentally challenged. But he's doing a super job here.

Dangerous, tacky, sharks, haunted-- no.

I have a nice comforter and several cozy pillows. I usually read a chapter of a book, and it's lights out by 8:30. That's how I sleep at night.

I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.

I thought you were already engaged. Nope. That was Roy. She was engaged to Roy. Thank you, Angela.

I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out he's clean, but I'm glad I did it.

They determine our worth by putting beans on our faces.

That's really fattening. No, it's lettuce.

I'm a very good screamer.

Michael, I got my bridesmaid's dress. Wow, so quickly. Yeah, and you said I could get it in any color I wanted, so I picked white.

So I've returned my bridesmaid dress and it was on sale, so I'm out a hundred dollars.

It's the receipt to my bridesmaid dress. What's that doing there? I'll take care of that for you.

I don't want to be married in a tent like a hobo. Hobos live in trains.

There has to be a barn that's old enough that you can see the stars through the roof slats, when you lay on your back. And antique tools to look at when you roll over.

This wedding is officially out of your hands. Thank the good Lord. Deal! Okay. What are we talking pricewise? You already said, 'Deal.' Pay him whatever he wants.

What is wrong with you? Why won't you do Andy? What? That's Oscar, and he wants to know why you won't do me, and I think it's a valid question.

I want to take you to sex school. What? Who is that, monkey? Is somebody there?

EVERYONE SITS ON A CHAIR EVERY DAY. BUT NOT EVERYONE SITS ON A COPIER.

I WOULD LIKE A COW BUTTER SCULPTURE OF A CAT.

I MADE A MISTAKE PICKING ANDY.

oh, i'm sorry. i didn't realize i was doing something wrong. if i had, i would've admitted it and stopped right away. because i wouldn't want an innocent person who doesn't know anything about the form--

you've got to tell andy about us. that is a terrible idea. one of your worst. get it over with. then we don't have to hide anymore. you're expanding on your worst idea.

do you love me or not? i've already admitted that i do. why do you keep making me repeat it? because you're engaged to andy.

would i have said yes to formal chrysanthemums if i didn't want to get married?

are you sleeping with dwight? a little bit.

i mean, we were together, and then he killed sprinkles. and then we stopped, and... i don't know exactly when we started up again.

so, like, missionary? i said nothing fancy.

i've had two men fight over me before. usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder.

i can't believe they're gonna fight over me. i guess people have fewer choices as they get older.

Angela: 'Hot is a temperature, people' but then declares Hilary Swank hot

Angela: 'She's a female Boris Becker'

Stay alive, I'm getting help! Pull me up! You're too heavy. I only weigh 82 pounds.

Save Bandit! (Cat yowls)

The fire's shooting at us!

I consider myself a good person, but I'm gonna try to make him cry.

She's hypo-allergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, she's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in Meet the Parents.

How much? $7,000. For a cat? I can get you a kid for that.

I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.

this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, somebody has a kid, oh, sure, take off a year.

That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady. No! Awesome. Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat, that is very bad.

Where is that bad cat? You know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat.

Birthday time is over. Now go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap.

now it's just a stupid baby.

when things went bad,they had a duel over me. yeah,dwight and andy. we were here.

She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. The one over there, in the orange.

Cupcakes and strippers all the way down.

He does not need to go dumpster-diving for companionship

Bandit, no! No, no, no!

I mean, I didn't have any. You know, to stay trim.

Don't look down. Look straight up. Come on. Please. These are for employees only.

Way to go, guys. This... This was an integrity move. Yeah. When we walked in here, we were all prepared to tell you to go to hell. Do you have any pastries without fruit? Yes, we do. Eclairs

Kevin, stay. Kevin, come. Kevin, stay. Kevin, come! Stay, stay. Come on, right now. Cookie, Kevin. Cookie.

I just don't like the general spirit of music.

You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun? No cleaning up.

You think the EPA would ever allow that much deet?

You know, a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard.

Well, you're lucky to have a grandmother. Some of us have to be our own grandmother.

Make it softer.

I think Pam ran away because she knew deep down she wouldn't be a good wife.

Those two treat the whole office like a 1970s key party.

There's an egg on your head And the yolk is running down. The yolk is running down. Feels good. There's a knife in your back And the blood is gushing down. The blood is gushing down.

My heart just melts with the sound of children singing. [snickers] Not really. I'm just tired. The days are short. I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed.

We don't have a north pole branch. Idiot! Oh, yes. It's space garbage. Dwight's gonna be able to build himself a friend.

Stay alive, I'm getting help! Pull me up! You're too heavy. I only weigh 82 pounds. Save Bandit!

Then they take your insides out and they just plop them on a table, and sometimes epidurals don't work, and you can poop yourself.

Don't use your cute baby to make us like you. She's wearing a onesie. stop it.

We have an awesome beanbag chair that's perfect for the break room. Eech! I'm never gonna sit on that disgusting seat. Yeah, damn right, you're not, 'cause it's for me and michael only!

Talk to me that way again and I'll cut your face off. / Whoa!

That's actually pretty funny, but in general, you know... Quiet.

Stop telling me how to spend my tickets. / They'd be like, 'What's up with those two?' 'Hey, guys, get a bedroom already.' 'Did we miss the wedding?'

This is exactly what I don't want. The drama. I don't want the drama! / You love drama. / I know, I do, right? I'm a total drama queen.

We didn't say we were gonna, like, start groping strangers. / I was flirting with a man.

Dwight recently entered into a contract with me, establishing intent to conceive and raise a child with me. / Did he not tell you that? / What?

Whack. / You will see me in small claims court!

It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled.

Yo soy cancun. Uhh!

Alleged contract.

I'd like to see a stool sample.

...unless we're unplugged... and wake up in the future.

I have it buried very deeply, and I don't want to dig past a certain someone to get it.

Those lumps are cats, and those cats have names, and those names are Amber, Milky Way, Dianne and Lumpy.

Stop kissing me. It's not in the contract.

Look, I didn't want houses and schools to burn down and children to die. Does that make me a hero? No, it does not. Well, it doesn't make me the worst guy in the world, either. It does!

From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack. Well, what if you're cold? Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin.

Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. Do you want to re-mediate?

There's gum on the seat, And now it's on my work skirt. I have to go change. Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss.

Why are you dressed like a seed catalog model? These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. They were all that I had in my car.

Okay, kill me! Just kill me! Kill me! Ah, blood everywhere.

Contractually, we're obligated to have sex. Well, I won't tell if you don't. I will tell. I will tell the mediator.

This is what you get when you treat your body like an outhouse.

Dwight insulting Angela's Olive Oyl costume as his mother

Angela as sexy nurse costume reluctantly

We're gonna need A loaves and fishes kind of miracle To feed 'em all. Jesus is not your caterer.

But he should be your caterer, 'cause you're a little angel. Why didn't your parents get you a caterer?

They don't think. Don't listen to her. She's just jealous 'cause she doesn't get to come home To someone as cute as you.

Everybody have their kool-aid? No. Okay, you know what? This is inappropriate.

Did you think I stole your baby? What's that? Oh, yeah, back then I did. Just now. So don't, because I've got my eye on you.

What kind of a person steals scones From a baby? Someone put them in my bag.

Of all feelings, to base a show around glee? Thirst. Now that's a show I'd watch.

Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.

Are you gonna quiet that baby or do I have to?

Actually, I'm kind of in the mood for a roll in the hay. / Roll in the hay, $5, please.

I will not work in a roach billboard.

I wouldn't subject Robert to that. He's a very busy senator. State senator.

We went to a picnic thrown by the comptroller's wife. Oh. That would be impressive if anyone knew what a comptroller was.

Do you have any idea how many photographers there are at a ribbon-cutting ceremony? I do. Two.

Could he help us with some parking tickets? I don't think that's appropriate. Well, then he's not a senator.

So you went homemade this year. Yep. Yeah. Money problems. Is that what this is about? I mean, oh, dear, I don't think we can help you out.

You don't think... It's not possible that Woody did this to himself? It is Christmas. No, it really seems like something Michael would do.

How many congressmen is the state of Pennsylvania guaranteed? And what other state has the equal number? I don't know. Do you know the other state?

Wow, did your baby draw that? The glitter is blinding.

And you know her husband's in a wheelchair, right?

Oh, you mean the state senator. I'm sorry, I was confused 'cause you accidentally wrote 'The senator.'

Wow, did your baby draw that?

You think you're so cute with your pretty blond hair.

Well, I mean, he humped Michael. Well, if that's the case, I guess I've got to be fired too.

Angela loves pussycats. Packers loves... - No, don't. - I was going to say 'dogs'!

My boyfriend can. He's a state senator. Oh, no, he can't help because that title has no meaning.

Gladly. I'd accept that award, because a bitch is a female dog.

The dream team and Meredith.

Was it just me, or did you think we were gonna have sex at some point? It was just you.

State senator.

What do we want? Erotic. See? This is what happens. You can't let a street dog into the house.

I know these Ethiopians that run a cake shop. Good God. They make these cakes that are wild.

You know, we don't really care about your opinion. You're just a tie-breaker.

And if he doesn't listen, then he can kiss his penis goodbye. Snip-snip. Am I right, girls?

I'm having a child with my husband the senator, and Pam is having a child with Jim... The great salesman.

Angela calling social services on Pam for drinking herbal tea while pregnant

Everyone wants to be rich, but nobody wants to work for it. You came in at 10:30 today, right?

Philip? Philip is the name that we're using. It's after my favorite cat. It's after my grandfather. It's after my cat. It's after my grandfather.

I would like to toast someone who isn't here, but who will be in just four short months. Welcome to the world, Philip lipton! I also would like to toast Philip Halpert... Who's due even sooner.

May he be a good namesake to my grandfather, who I promised as a child, long before tonight, that I would one day name my son after. She just always has to copy anything I do! It's the Ford Taurus situation all over again.

I stayed up all night, and I watched that GD wedding, and then I came to work and I made everyone else watch it all day. Meredith wasn't even here. Because I was there.

I thought you were at your sister's funeral. What I said was, 'my sister's funeral is this weekend.' Didn't say I'd be there.

So can we speak our minds now, or are we still sparing feelings? Because I hate all of this.

You know, I guess nobody would believe it still fits.

Is she Asian? / I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. / Maybe from the forest. / Forest? / Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest?

That's Gerald... Oh, wow. So cute... Is he in a ladle? Yeah, he's in a ladle

Excuse me, waiter there's a dog in my soup... It's not that kind of ladle

'Porcupines don't have souls. They're like dogs'

You know, you are just as dumb at night

Kelly, that's a crazy ring you found. Yeah. Thanks, I'm really glad that I found it

Ring of a failed marriage might have some sinister energy, right? Am I just being silly? I don't think you're being silly. Oh, God. You know what? I can just sell it and put the money in the party fund. Oh. Then another woman will get it, we can't allow that. We have to destroy it

Does Darryl not swim? That's racist. I don't know but I would say by looking at him, no, Darryl does not swim

You've broken up your last couple, you evil ring. Do it. We're in the pool. Shove it, Angela.

I thought you said five You know what? I was under so many drugs a James Taylor concert or something

Preemie pajamas... No, I think he came early just so he could wear these

Philip was conceived nine months ago... we had just seen Thor, and there was way too much wine in my chicken piccata

Then I inserted my penis into your... No! Stop it! Dwight ...vagina

'Hello, everyone! Remember? Little old me. Hi' - Angela's dramatic attention-seeking entrance

'Not everybody needs some long, luxurious, Parisian maternity leave' - Angela's passive-aggressive dig at Pam

'Really? I feel like this big rhinoceros' - Angela's self-deprecating response

'Babies sleep a lot, Pam if you feed them enough' - Angela's parenting 'wisdom'

'My baby is not a monster Hey, be proud of your enormous monster baby an enormous monster baby'

Oscar thinks having a dog is just like having a baby. News flash, if you didn't carry it around in your belly for nine months, it isn't your kid.

Hey, are your little dudes crawling yet? No, three-month-old humans don't do that.

My Philip is crawling. - Angela is such a liar. - It's maddening.

Like her genes are so important. The world just needs more Pam-Jim DNA. - Thank you, no. - No, thank you.

There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat. Am I right? Angela and Pam: Unbelievable! Un-be-lie-va-ble.

Are there a lot of Irish people living around here? Yes. Yes. Ugh! I hate that! No offense.

Right here in the break room. Order carrot cake.

We're in far too deep. We can't change course at this point. Suck it!

I'm going to dock your pay $100. Okay. Five... four... You can't dock my pay. Angela! Dock Andy's pay $100! On it! Great!

This guy's having a breakdown.

He loves those pants.

If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person. Those guys always turn back, Angela.

Black or white, I'm fine with either, but not both.

Wow, maybe Pete is the new Jim.

It's the only time I've seen him cry, other than our wedding night.

C'est la vie. Please don't teach the cat French.

The senator and I still have mystery. I'm always waiting to see what he's gonna surprise me with next.

You literally have to? No, I'm just... I'm saying, what would happen if they didn't sing it? Would they go to jail? Would they be shot?

That actually wasn't the worst cover. I'd say at least once a week Kevin runs out of the room shouting that he has to go to the bathroom.

His gambling problem must have resurfaced. I'm going to have to send him home until I can do an investifafion.

Those figures I gave you? They're false. No. I was mad at Kevin. We had a fight, and I acted vindictively. So you set him up. Yes. He's innocent.

I think the Senator is having an affair.

They're all fatties.

I'd like to see that run for office.

Come on in, the water's fine. Dwight, it's not that kind of meeting. Put your clothes back on!

You tell me. What is this? That's the receipt for my gun. Read the receipt. That's a $300 gun. Someone could steal it.

So, what's the job? Murder. Okay. That's the big one.

But it's cruel, because a woman with damaged knees can't scrub worth a damn.

Thanks, Oscar, you're such an angel. I just gave her a cookie, and she called me an angel, so, yeah, we're good. Yeah, we dodged a bullet.

Jazz is stupid! I mean, just play the right notes!

Where does gayness come from and how is it transmitted?

What is it called when two men intertwine their penises like the snakes on the medic-alert bracelet?

Is it called Red Vine-ing? We heard it was called Red Vine-ing. People Red-Vine?

When two gay men have sex, how do they know whose penis will open up to accept the other person's penis?

I mean, it says 'X-mas party,' but I think we all know what that's code for

Please just take my name off of everything. Just take her name off of everything.

It's like in It's a Wonderful Life when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all those people at the building and loan were just jerks, and he was the real hero.

It's not one of your bean-bag orgies.

You don't want bugs, you know? Who knows where those bugs will end up.

The men dry up, and the nights get lonely. The only calls on your machine are from collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you've never even worn.

At your feet, a dying bird. But where did it come from? Why did you kill it? It is because, in some strange way, it is you?

Always with the friends, Oscar. Can't we just enjoy the new espresso machine?

It feels really hot in here. Is it hot in here? It feels really, really hot in here. It's insane! They need to turn the AC on year-round. January too!

I don't get the point of this stupid window!

I just remembered. I kissed that man.

Oh, cute! So there'll be a bunch of kids? No, no children. Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also, ew.

You know, actually, none of you could even really make the cut for this thing. Which I am so sad about!

He put you right in front of me? Yes, he did. He put you right in front of me? Yes! Now, let's just wheel Margaret right in front here. Ow!

And you know what? I think you are developing. We should go and get you a training bra.

I guess I can cancel my order from zappos.com because, oh, the loafers have arrived.

Dwight's dramatic entrance interrupting Angela with 'I need you'

Dwight's description of aunt Shirley's 'prehensile wing' body part

Aunt Shirley: 'How would you like a mean, cold slap?' followed by actually slapping Angela

Angela taking charge of Aunt Shirley care: 'I'm gonna give your aunt a proper bath and a haircut like a lady.'

Dwight's life proposal: 'The 80 or 90 years that I have left of this life... I want to spend with you.'

Oh, Meredith! Good lord.

It's okay, guys. She's no longer horny.

I guess men find Esther attractive. I mean, if there are chubby chasers, then there are men that like that thing.

I sneezed into my hands without using Purell and then dipped into the candy jar.

He was dressed like Ronald Reagan! Well, he kissed like Jack Kennedy.

Yes, and I cheated on you with Dwight.

Correction. Best darn wife. Sorry. I'm a better wife than that.

I don't need pity, and I don't need charity. I have my dignity, and that's enough. And as long as I have that, I'll be okay.

The county took my cats. Wait, all of them? Two sacks' worth.

Angela, you still have your son. I guess.

He would strap me to his chest in a Baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm.

I felt like I was flying.

I am so proud of you, Schruberry blue.

You have so many hairs on your chin, Animal Control should've taken you away. That is very unladylike. You are disgusting!

What we had was great, and, honestly, I think about it a lot, too. Ugh. But I just... It's in the past. No, that's not... ...rehash... No, none... No, stop. It's just... Exactly. Okay.

You are not going to live in a tent. Come stay with me. You don't want me at your place. I do. Yes.

Angela, you just were... I love him. I know. I understand more than most, but we both have to move on. You can't... No, not the Senator. I love Dwight.

Kevin, could you not do that? What? I'm moving the ink down in my pen, for work. Here, use my pen. Don't tell me what to do!

This baby is of superior intelligence and can tell when he is being tricked out of the experience of a real human breast. Come on. He's not that smart. He doesn't know where I hid his duck.

I just needed you to want to marry me because you wanted to marry me. Get out! I'm a dad! You're a dad!

My heart is so open. I'm so at peace. / Ugh. Look at Meredith. She's disgusting.

Those feet. They're like the paws of an orangutan.

Now that she's wearing sports bras, we don't see her boobs as much.

We're very close. We even have our own special language. / People love it. / They do.

Be gentle, Jakey, gentle! / If anything, this is rougher!

Thanks for not locking the door when I asked you to, Phyllis! / Sorry, Phyllis. You didn't know.